


Chewing gum

by iridescentjaebum



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Angst, Breathplay, M/M, Rough Sex, and a lot of Mess, but there's some fluff too, jaebum's a camboy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-09-19 18:57:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 55,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9456143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iridescentjaebum/pseuds/iridescentjaebum
Summary: "People are like chewing gum, Mark," Jaebum says, watching the sun tinted in various shades of yellow and orange rising. He's still naked, even though he has to go, but this time his nakedness is somewhat different, fragile even. "You just chew them, and then one day the flavor is gone.""And what happens then?" Mark asks, cradling a cup of coffee in his hands."Either you spit them out and leave or you keep on chewing and eventually you get sick."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [fanart](https://www.dropbox.com/s/4hxmprgxyivqlj4/mb1.png?dl=0) made by the amazing zenny!
> 
> [Russian](https://ficbook.net/readfic/7006435) translation by karakatissa (on-going)

“I’m sorry if my question sounds rude,” Mark clears his throat before gathering the courage to open his mouth, mentally exhausted and exasperated that the evening isn’t living up to his prior expectations _at all_. “But how old are you exactly?”

The guy in front of him, a tall blonde with a number 2 proudly plastered right on the center of his chest, most probably ruining the leopard print shirt that undoubtedly costs more than Mark spends for food in like three months, lightheartedly grins at the question. “Nineteen.”

“Oh my god, you’re a _child_.” Mark wails, burying his face in his hands.

He doesn’t know who’s dumber in this situation – maybe it’s Jinyoung, who told him to give this a shot because Mark "needs to socialize once in a while instead of rotting in their apartment playing video games _"_. Maybe it’s him himself, a twenty-three year old adult, who actually hoped for something interesting to come out of a speed dating event, not even knowing for sure how does this whole socialization concept work in circumstances like this. Or maybe it’s this guy, Kunpimook “just call me Bambam, man” Bhuwakul, barely legal but still hoping to luck out and lure someone into his bed tonight. Or to find a true love, there wasn’t much difference between those and Mark wasn’t into semantics.

“I’m just open to new possibilities, darling.” Bambam’s smile doesn’t falter even for a second, shamelessly exposing his snow white teeth. Luckily, the host finally announces that it’s time to change the partners and after a very off-putting and unexpected cheek stroke coming from the younger, Mark is left alone for a mere moment. He does the math in his head, concluding that if he’s lucky there’s only one more person to meet and he’ll be free to run away from his place, shoving it deep down in his memory as one of the weirdest, most useless and wildest things he’s done in a long while.

The sounds of chairs being pushed back against the floor, glasses of various drinks clinking against each other as their owners are carelessly shaking each other’s hands or pulling each other into hugs melt into one huge chaos in front of Mark’s eyes, making him want to get slightly tipsy too. And only when he sees another guy sitting in front of him, Mark finally snaps back to the dimly illuminated coffee shop.

The guy has number 7 on his chest, but he rips the tag off as soon as he lands on the chair – he won’t need it anymore after this. Mark is pleasantly surprised by how _damn fine_ the guy looks.

His clothes look like they were carelessly thrown on his body without any prior thinking, but it’s still obvious that it took some effort to match everything. A silver bracelet on his right wrist and a matching piercing in his left ear, dark brown hair pushed back baring the forehead, tanned skin, clean of any spots or blemishes, slightly smudged black eyeliner and a relaxed smile playing on his lips – maybe, Mark thinks, it’s not the worst companion to end this mess of an evening with, at least appearance-wise.

“So are we going to introduce ourselves to each other or are you going to continue staring?” the guy finally opens his mouth and Mark flinches at this unexpected jab. “I don’t mind, but I usually take money for that.”

Mark frowns, not really understanding the point of the joke, and he’s not even sure if it _is_ a joke to begin with, “Sorry, got distracted for a while. Mark Tuan, nice to meet you.”

“Im Jaebum.” The guy slowly says, shaking Mark’s hand the latter reaches out. “Anyway, you look like you had a terrible evening here, but I can’t blame you. Seems like today is not my day either.”

“It wasn’t terrible per se.” Mark is quick to deny, not wishing to dish out to a stranger that he already has thought of three escape plans, one of them including setting off the fire alarm, the emergency button conveniently waiting for him just a few steps away from the table. “Okay, I was almost asked out by a nineteen year old, that _was_ pretty terrible.”

Jaebum rolls his eyes, obviously amused. “It’s speed dating, uhh… - what was it again, Mark, right? – not a Sunday school. But yeah, nineteen indeed is indeed a tricky age, they’re legal but you still feel like they’re not, I hate that feeling. How old are _you_ , by the way?”

Mark wants to ask how much experience the dark haired guy in front of him has in dealing with nineteen year olds since he sounds so knowing, but he says only, “Twenty-three. You?”

“Twenty-two.” Jaebum responds, looking around. For a while his eyes stop at a table where another couple is having a conversation. Or, to be honest, one of the guys is talking nonstop, words flowing out of his mouth like a waterfall, and the other one is keeping his stare focused on the table without saying a word, face distorted with almost a painful expression. “Those guys over there, you see them? The chatty one was a pain the ass - he doesn’t even speak Korean properly, but doesn’t shut up, started talking about perfume when I asked if he misses home.” **(*)**

Mark scoffs at this, not really a fan of gossiping about other people behind their backs. “He spoke just fine when we talked. I think it might have something to do with the fact that my ego didn’t blow up in his face.”

“Ouch. You think I’m giving off a bad impression?” Jaebum’s gestures become stagy, trying to fake being insulted and Mark slightly nods, thinking that being so straightforward probably isn’t what Jinyoung would approve as a proper way of socializing. “Thanks for the honesty, I guess? But it’s not that. I may be intimidating, but it depends only on whether people _allow_ me to do that. And you, in fact, are doing quite well. Let me guess, you have something to do with defense of some kind. Bodyguard, security officer, something like that?”

Mark’s mouth falls open and he unconsciously starts running his fingers through the material of his shirt that he didn’t bother to change after his shift, searching for the badge he might have forgotten to take off, but it isn’t there. “I’m studying public safety management, right now I’m doing an internship in one of the police stations, but how did you know?”

“You could say my job is to read people.” Jaebum responds, looking quite satisfied, but his laugh sounds somehow stiff upon Mark’s confirmation. “You’d be surprised how easy it is. Especially when an officer ID is peeking out of the wallet you left on the table.”

Mark mentally curses for falling for this trick and supposedly nonchalantly stuffs the wallet he completely forgot about in the back pocket of his jeans. “ _Funny_. What about you, though, what do you do in life?”

Jaebum tilts his head, smirk not leaving his lips as he’s finishing the drink he apparently brought with himself. Mark can smell the alcohol making its way into his nostrils, but he doesn’t question it – ten more minutes and it’s going to be over. “Guess. Let’s see how observant our future policemen are, Mark.”

The latter sighs at the weird and annoying game he’s unwillingly dragged into, because honestly, he’s not even a _policeman_ , but somewhere deep in his heart he giggles – he was one of the best students in their criminology course, connecting information and turning it into facts never was a hard task for him.

“Okay. So, your clothes are neat, probably just ironed before coming here, so you like being tidy. Not a clean freak, as you have a small stain of coffee on your shirt that you haven’t noticed yet. Your bracelet is on your right hand, so it’s probably not you who put it on, meaning you might already have a significant other, considering I can see some name engraved into the metal. Searching for a fling, huh? Anyway, your teeth are not yellow and your voice is not hoarse so you don’t smoke, your skin is clear and obviously taken care of by a professional, so I assume that your looks play a role in your profession. Your piercing is shaped like an airplane, so I think… flight attendant?”

Throughout this entire speech Jaebum listens to him with a bored expression, but bursts out in laughter at the last words, laugh wild and unrestrained, earning a few judging stares from the tables nearby. “Flight attendant, oh my god. Are you really that dumb or are you just pretending?”

“Scratch the flight attendant part.” Mark says, insulted. “Your personality is too terrible to actually work with people.”

“You’d be surprised.” Jaebum stops laughing, eyes finally serious. “Let’s break it down piece by piece, shall we? My clothes have nothing to do with me liking cleanliness, which I actually don’t fancy that much. I just bought them before coming here, since I have some things to take care of after this. You’re right about me not smoking and my looks earning me money, that’s it, smarty pants.”

“The bracelet, though?” Mark insists, furious about the mocking intonation in the younger’s voice. “There’s no way of you choosing to wear it on your right wrist just _because_ , it’s way too uncomfortable to put it on.”

Jaebum offers him a sly smile. “I’m left-handed, Sherlock, ever thought about that?”

Mark clenches his jaw in exasperation of being outsmarted by the guy, because _no_ , he definitely didn’t think about the obvious after getting a tad bit too much excited about getting to solve a new puzzle that came in the form of Im Jaebum.

“You could almost call that cheating. Anyway, so where _are_ you working?”

Jaebum leans in, his perfume suffocating Mark and the tip of his nose almost touching Mark’s cheek and the air he breathes out tickles. “Oh, but if I told you, I’d have to kill you, mister policeman.”

_Im Jaebum is weird, that’s for sure._

“I’m _not_ a policeman. Let me guess,” Mark rolls his eyes. “Something illegal. Swindling maybe, you’d make a good con artist with your looks.”

“And you really don’t have the eye for guessing.” Jaebum concludes, shaking his head and leaning back, smile never leaving his lips. “There a lot of terms to describe what I’m doing.”

“For example?”

Jaebum licks his lips, what could easily be deemed an intentional gesture to make his companion somehow uncomfortable, before saying, “I’m not sure which one you like more, but I’m sticking to “broadcasting adult content”. Or, like, having a bunch of sugar daddies or mommies at the same time who pay for this. Sounds cuter and doesn’t make me feel so bad.”

“It _is_ against the law.” Mark slowly says, trying not to show the shock and disgust in his eyes.

“I’m sure you can easily find flaws in the laws. Oh, it actually rhymed.” Jaebum laughs once again, but his gaze is somehow icy cold. “But what are you going to do, arrest me? Go on and try, I’m sure I’d walk out of the police station after an hour with all the charges dropped.”

Mark sighs. This was supposed to be a speed dating event, not him learning morbid details about other participant’s personal life against his will. “Why are you doing this? You don’t look like it’s your last chance to survive or something.”

Jaebum shrugs, the feeling of shame buried somewhere deep inside him a long long time ago. “It’s just a job like anywhere else. The pay is good, I have my own roof above my head and three meals a day, maybe some expensive gifts from time to time and a fully covered university tuition. If that requires to fake a moan in front of a webcam for fifteen minutes or have a dick shoved in my ass once in a while, I’m not really against it.”

Mark unconsciously flinches both from Jaebum’s language choices and the vivid imagery the latter puts in his mind, and Jaebum doesn’t miss the chance to make fun of that, mockingly straightening his back and changing his grammars into more complicated and sophisticated ones. “May I offer my apologies for this vivid description of my debauchery. Now, how about that tea party during the book club meeting on Sunday right after we get back from the church? I may need to ask a permission from my sugar daddy though.”

Mark cringes. “Enough. So what are you doing here? Does he allow you to have other adventures while you’re not on duty?”

“He doesn’t mind if I do it quietly and it doesn’t turn into anything serious.” Jaebum shrugs once again, tapping his fingers on the table as if playing an invisible piano. “All I need to watch out are STDs and anything that would damage my appearance, so he wouldn’t lose face in public.”

“In public? So it’s someone known, like a crazy kinky politician or something?” Mark gives up on the thought that what they’re discussing is completely inappropriate and that basically everyone around them can hear their conversation only if they wanted to. But nobody is actually listening and it’s some kind of a relief.

“Not to be bragging— On the other hand, why not to brag a bit, yeah, you might have seen me in a few newspapers.” Jaebum runs his hand through his hair. “Sadly, reporters never take photos clearly enough so they would dig out the dirt. Would be quite amusing.”

The host of the event announces that only one minute is left to spend with their partners and Mark frowns, not quite sure how the time passed so quickly. Jaebum looks slightly confused too, but a few more moments and it’s time to say their goodbyes.

“It was nice to meet you, I guess.” Mark says, knowing (or hoping) that they won’t see each other ever again. “Unusual, but still nice.”

“You’re not terrible either, even though you do look like a stuck up.” Jaebum approvingly nods, a slight smirk playing on the corner of his lips, uncovering a cute dimple that is so not fitting for someone as full of filth. “Time to go, all those dicks won’t suck themselves.”

“I doubt there’s a lot of them to suck anyway.” Mark snaps back, spitefully happy about coming up with a comeback so quickly.

Jaebum stares at him for a while, then whistles. “Wow, our policeman knows how to bite. _Lovely_. Just don’t send your cop friends down my throat, I hate running down the alleyways like some street hooker.”

“I won’t.” Mark replies, trying to outvoice the host who is saying some sappy ending speech no one really cares about. “First, because I’m not a policeman, and second, they have a lot more work to do instead of following around a camboy with a sugar daddy.”

“I almost got insulted.” Jaebum dramatically clutches his heart, but his laugh and smile doesn’t reach his dark brown eyes. “Almost.”

After everything’s finally over and Mark gets out of the restroom where he goes to splash some cold water on his face since he's feeling terribly tired, he’s ready to go home, rant to his flatmate for suggesting this, and forget this day.

It’s a Friday evening, and he doesn’t have any schedules for the entire weekend (perks of having his junior, Youngjae, being indebted to him and taking over all the weekend shifts of the internship for the entire upcoming month), so he doesn’t have any big plans – aside from that jog he was planning to take to keep himself in shape and going to sleep after watching some movie like he always used to do, but something – perhaps fate, or maybe just a sheer accident – has other plans.

“Hey, wait!” As he’s exiting the café this whole circus took place in, Mark hears a female voice following him. It’s the host, one of the people he wants to avoid the most. “I couldn’t find you after the event ended. You forgot to take the contacts of people who are willing to go on a second date with you.”

Mark doesn’t want anyone to go on a date with him nor does he want to know who are those idiots that do want it, but he still maintains a polite smile as she’s shoving some papers into his hands, the plan being to throw them into a nearest trashcan.

As he’s waiting for the bus, obviously too broke for a taxi, Mark takes the papers one after another and skims through them before ripping it apart and dumping them in a trashcan of the bus stop. He got quite a few, surprisingly.

That Jackson guy who couldn’t shut up even though he was struggling with his Korean, sometimes unknowingly switching to Chinese – no. If Mark wanted to deal with someone like him, he’d rather be taken away by a bunch of hyperactive seven year olds, the effect would be the same.

Kunpimook Bhuwasomething. _Definitely_ not, he’s not getting involved with children.

This evening is supposed to be thrown away both literally and figuratively, no memories remaining from this mess. Or so Mark thought, until he saw a familiar name. Im Jaebum - apparently, he also is willing to give it a second try.

For some reason, probably curiosity, Mark doesn’t throw that one away immediately, looking at Jaebum’s phone number and email address, written in neat but barely understandable syllables. Mark definitely feels curious, even though he doesn’t really feel like it’s a great idea to get involved with someone who sleeps around for money. Mark isn’t a saint either, but even he has some lines that he isn’t willing to cross.

Indeed, this Im Jaebum whom he doesn’t want to get involved with, is making him so curious that Mark misses two buses in a row and is forced to call Jinyoung and beg him to pay for a cab ride home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * the whole perfume thing is a pretty dumb world play in korean that i, being as lame as i am, couldn't resist of using here. so basically 향수병 (hyangsoobyeong, excuse this romanization, i suck at it because i never learned it properly) is a term for being homesick and 향수 병 (hyangsoo byeong, yeah, the only difference being the space between the words) is literally a perfume bottle, hence why Jackson in this fic got lost in this.
> 
> so, okay, i decided that we don't have enough markbum fics in this world, and there it is. i hope you'll like it, and comments, complaints and all the other good stuff are always welcomed!


	2. Chapter 2

Their second meeting is nowhere near being as graceful or neat as they both would’ve expected, at least judging from a hoodie Mark is trying to wash at 6 AM, but it probably doesn’t feel _not right_ either – actually, Jaebum’s sleepy smile, which he offers sitting on the bathroom floor while playing with a bottle of ibuprofen that is supposed to be on Jinyoung’s nightstand, says otherwise.

 

 

It all started around 3 in the morning when Mark winded up in a convenience store almost on another side of the city, sleepy and confused about why he was called, as a furious manager was threatening to call police, because Jinyoung trashed an entire isle, broke numerous bottles of various beverages and finally fell asleep face down in the ramen he was there for in the first place. At least the noodles were already cold by that time, so face burns weren’t a thing to worry about.

“Can we settle this quietly? Somehow?” Mark asked the manager, side-eyeing his friend, who seemed to be waking up from his deep, kimchi and pickled radish scented sleep. Turned out, Jinyoung had Mark on speed dial and the manager didn’t hesitate to snatch away his phone.

“Either I get paid back for everything this idiot did or I’m calling the cops.” The man replied in between his complains that he shouted right into Mark’s face and the latter just sighed, cursing the hell out of his friend.

“Okay, how much do you need?” He prayed it wouldn’t take away all the money he had in his bank account for the rest of the month. The scholarship Mark was getting from university wasn’t a fortune, even when combined with a ridiculous salary of an intern. But the answer made him wail.

The manager was silent for a while, counting the damage. “60,000 for the bottles, 200,000 for the broken shelves, another 60,000 for ruined products and also 150,000 for cleaning. That should add up to 470,000 won in total. And also 3,600 for the ramen he hasn’t paid for yet.”

Mark inhaled deeply, gathering all his willpower not to shred Jinyoung into pieces that very instant as he took out his wallet. “Do you accept cards?”

Five minutes and a promise to himself that he’ll call his colleagues from police department to put a hold on Jinyoung’s bank account to get the money back later, Mark finally approached the younger, passed out at one of those atrocious plastic tables convenience stores offered. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Jinyoung was completely hammered for whatever reason.

“Get up, shitface.” Mark said, but the younger was a free spirit – he did everything as he wished, even if that meant getting wasted on a Wednesday night, so it wasn’t really a surprise that Jinyoung didn’t move, just mumbled something, something that really reminded of _fuck off_.

Mark groaned in frustration before draping his one arm around Jinyoung’s waist, lifting him up by force and earning a few judging stares from late night shoppers who probably witnessed this whole disaster.

That night Jinyoung, however, seemed to weigh a ton and they barely managed to exit the store, wobbling like they both were drunk, before Mark’s legs decided to do him dirty and throw both of the guys on a cold, wet sidewalk. Jinyoung conveniently landed on Mark’s back completely unbothered, probably not even understanding what was going on, and the elder, face down in the concrete, decided that the smell of dog piss really suited an area like this.

“I’m hungry.” Jinyoung exclaimed somewhere into his neck, but instead of an answer Mark shook him off, sitting up. However that didn’t stop the younger from lazily copying his movements, now resting his head on Mark’s shoulder. “Mark, _I’m hungry_.”

“Fuck off, I have like 3,000 won left in my account thanks to you.” The elder fired back, trying to get himself together and think of a way to get back to their apartment. He had spent all the cash he had on the cab here and those several coins he found in Jinyoung’s wallet didn’t make much difference. The fact that they were miles away from their neighborhood didn’t help either.

“I’m sorry.” Jinyoung mumbled. He had a scratch on his left cheek, his hair was sticking out in ridiculous directions and his once white T-shit was stained with various substances from destroying a store. He looked like an overgrown puppy, trying his drunken best to give his friend the signature innocent stare of his and, sadly, Mark always had a weak heart, so he started laughing, mostly at a piece of noodles stuck in Jinyoung’s hair. “What’s so funny.”

“How did you manage to make that much mess?”

“I _tripped_.”

Mark sighed, because it was so _Jinyoung_ to trip over things and cause a disaster, especially while drunk. But he didn’t say anything anymore, just took off his jacket to put it around the younger’s shoulders – the latter’s jacket was missing somewhere and short sleeves weren’t the best choice for early autumn.

“Didn’t expect to meet you in a place like this, Mark Tuan.” He suddenly heard a voice behind them and turned around to search for the owner of it. Undoubtedly, it was that guy from the speed dating thingy, the one Mark had been ranting about to Jinyoung for a good half a week before forgetting him, the paper with Jaebum’s contact info long forgotten in a trash can.

This time Im Jaebum looked completely different from the time they first met – neat and fashionable clothes were exchanged into a baggy red hoodie that looked like it had been worn for ages and skinny black jeans. Jaebum’s now raven black hair were hidden under the hood and he was holding a pack of cup ramen and a bottle of what, Mark assumed, was milk.

“And I didn’t expect to witness a camboy buying strawberry milk at 4 AM.” He snapped, trying to get up, but Jinyoung was half asleep again, so the quest was significantly both harder and more amusing to the guy calmly watching the scene.

“Everyone has their guilty pleasures.” Jaebum shrugged with a smug smile plastered on his face. “Though you talk like I should drink something like—Wait, what _do_ you think camboys drink?”

“Not the right time to have a friendly discussion.” Mark replied, trying to keep himself and Jinyoung up on their feet. The mission wasn’t exactly successful. “I have a few miles to walk with this dipshit hanging on my shoulder. Speaking drains, you know.”

Jaebum only laughed at this. “I’m with a car if you need a lift.”

“Thanks, but—“

“Don’t worry, you won’t catch a disease from me only by spending fifteen minutes in the same car.” Jaebum teased, obviously amused by Jinyoung coming back to life again and fidgeting in Mark’s embrace like a bored five year old, what was making it a lot harder for the latter to refuse the offer.

After a few moments of thinking, Mark finally nodded his head – at that point anything seemed better than having to drag his friend home on his own, since the younger never was a calm drunk type of guy. Jaebum gave him a look that screamed “ _wise choice, finally_ ”, before stuffing his food into the pockets of his hoodie and throwing his hand around Jinyoung’s waist for extra support, sharing the weight with Mark.

“I’m hungry.” Jinyoung had the audacity to repeat this again, trying to get out of the arms of the two guys, and Mark suddenly started remembering all the homicide cases he has ever studied. He could definitely pull one of them on Jinyoung, _right_?

“Listen… uh… Jinyoung?” Jaebum said after shooting a glance at Mark to confirm if that was the right name. “Jinyoung, how about we get to the car first and then I’ll give you my ramen?”

The younger thought for a while. “And the milk.”

Mark’s jaw flew open at this shameless request, but Jaebum just laughed. “Deal. Now move before Mark burned your scalp off with his stare.”

A few minutes later he was finally secured by a seatbelt in Jaebum’s backseat, suddenly excited for hell knows what reason. If there was a thing Mark hated the most at that moment, it was Jinyoung and his drunken mood swings.

He and Jaebum were leaning against the car door, both panting from the tiring trip they just made. Jaebum took off his hoodie, what was more than understandable seeing the drops of sweat forming on his forehead. He was wearing a black shirt underneath it, baring his pretty decently looking arms (well, in Mark’s poor opinion, at least).

“Where are you going?” Mark asked when the guy stuffed the hoodie in his arms to hold and turned around.

“To buy him his noodles, we camboys might seem shady but we stick to our words.” He obviously was teasing Mark again, so the latter just rolled his eyes, trying not to look bothered. “Also I’m pretty hungry myself, so. You want something?”

Mark shook his head, getting into the car. His head was starting to hurt, late hours and lack of sleep weren’t doing him a favor, especially mixed with Jinyoung’s terrible attempts at singing and the smell of alcohol that was reeking from him.

Jaebum got back quite soon, returning with a disposable bowl of ramen and a bottle of strawberry milk for Jinyoung, another pack of ramen for himself and a sandwich for Mark, throwing it right into the elder’s lap.

“I said I don’t—“ Mark protested, seeing how Jaebum was giving food to the guy in the back and trying to get comfortable in the driver’s seat himself.

“Just shut up and eat. And tell your friend that if I see any stains, he’s dead. By the way, did you see what hell of a mess that store is? It looks like a wild animal just had a blast there.”

Mark, taking a bite of his sandwich, snorted. “That wild animal is sitting in the backseat and yeah, I saw. Paid for it with my own card.”

“ _Nice_.” Jaebum’s eyebrows rose up to his hair line and Mark couldn’t blame him. Jinyoung looked harmless when they first met too. “And I was about to ask what are you guys doing here at this time of the day.”

They didn’t talk anymore until all of them finished their meals and Jaebum, after putting his hoodie back on, started the engine of the car to return them back home. The silence followed again after Mark told the address, but it wasn’t uncomfortable – it was calm kind of silence, with drunk and now full Jinyoung passing out again, Mark lazily watching the streetlamps passing in a blur and Jaebum, firmly, but somehow still gently clutching the wheel, leading them through the sleeping city.

“You didn’t call me.” He noted as they stopped at some intersection because of a red light. He didn’t sound like he was blaming Mark, if anything, his voice even had a humorous tone to it.

“I forgot.” Mark responded, hoping that he would get away with the lie.

Jaebum laughed, changing the gear. ”You didn’t. You probably got home that evening, ranted to someone about how terrible the evening was because of me and then tossed the paper away for your cat to play with it or something.”

Jaebum wasn’t bad at predicting Mark’s behavior, not at all, but the latter wasn’t about to dish it out for him. “I don’t have a cat. I’m more of a dog person.”

“Atrocious.” Jaebum deadpanned, but it was obvious he was so close to laughing. “But you didn’t deny my previous words, so. No worries, I’m not mad.”

Mark, being the absolutely mature grown up adult he is, managed to think of only one way of responding in attempt to steer away from the topic. “Anyway, why are you out shopping at dawn? Aren’t you supposed to be doing, like… I don’t know, camboy stuff?”

“I’m on a holiday.”

“You guys have holidays?”

“Yeah, even paid ones. And also a health insurance and a ten percent discount at Lotte with our camboy discount card. Oh, and also a discount for condoms in every convenience store, you figured me out, the food was just a disguise.” Jaebum said, taking a left turn to enter the neighborhood Mark and Jinyoung lived in. “Can we stop pretending that I belong to some kind of a black magic cult?”

Mark was taken aback by Jaebum’s sudden sarcastic outburst. The latter also sounded tired and looked like that as well – Mark didn’t notice at first, blame the terrible streetlights near the convenience store, but he had dark circles around his eyes and he looked dead sleepy.

“Sorry, I just—“

“It’s fine.” Jaebum interrupted him. “Today was a rough day. I’m tired as fuck, the bitch was too needy tonight, I got off only before 3.”

“The bitch?”

“My sugar daddy, or whatever you wish to call him.” Jaebum explained, stopping the car in front of the right building. “Cheap ramen is the only thing that takes my mind off of it, so that’s why I paid a visit to the store. And then I met you.”

Mark didn’t know why the guy sitting in the driver’s seat was spilling all this to him – he definitely didn’t have to, and Mark didn’t have to listen because they were at the same point they were a few weeks ago, strangers. But he still listened.

“Anyway.” Jaebum concluded his rant. “Need help with your little store trasher? Though if he was my boyfriend, I’d pretty much kill him on the spot.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Mark said, unbuckling his seatbelt. “We just live together.”

Jaebum’s lips curled up in a smirk. “I didn’t ask. I just said I’d kill him if he was my boyfriend. Thanks for the info, though.”

Mark mentally cursed at himself for falling for this nasty word play and got off the car. Jaebum followed, opening the door of the backseat so that Mark could collect the mess named Park Jinyoung.

“Let me help you with that.” Jaebum said after spending five minutes watching how Mark was struggling to walk those few steps. “You won’t even manage to unlock the door with almost a dead body on you.”

Mark didn’t refuse this time, already feeling cramps in his arm muscles from lifting Jinyoung that much in one night, so off they went, a weird looking trio at 4:30 in the morning walking in wobbly zigzags towards the house. Jinyoung kept mumbling something, but neither of them understood.

Only when Mark was trying to get the keys out of his pocket with one hand, another one still around his flatmate, so that Jaebum wouldn’t need to carry the entire weight alone, they finally found out the meaning of the gibberish Jinyoung was uttering.

It was _I’m sick_ and they learned it by the latter unceremoniously returning all the ramen he just ate directly on Jaebum’s hoodie.

“ _Oh for fuck’s sake_.” Mark wailed, resting his head against the door, done with the entire world surrounding him. Jaebum was just standing there quite stunned by this turn of events, a few steps away from Jinyoung, who was puking his guts out on a doormat nearby.

A bit later, when Jinyoung was finally wrestled into his bed and the doors of his room were closed, mostly to help Mark fight off the urge to strangle him in his sleep, the latter turned to Jaebum, who was still wordlessly sitting in their kitchen with his hoodie at its best. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay.” Jaebum’s answer was pretty lighthearted, considering that the hoodie looked pretty expensive. “Mind if I take a shower at your place, though? And if you had a spare sweater for me to borrow, that would be awesome, sleeveless shirts aren’t my first choice when it comes to morning walks during this time of the year.”

“Might as well just sleep here.” Mark noted, watching the younger’s eyes widen in surprise. “I mean, it’s like 5 AM anyway. You’re tired and your clothes are ruined, so…”

“Sounds like a plot for a bad porn movie.” Jaebum said and started laughing after seeing Mark’s face. “But the plan sounds pretty solid, if that’s not too much on you. You know, we camboys can get pretty rowdy.”

“Just no broadcasts in this place, please, I’m not going to let our rooms be used for your filth.” Mark laughed back. “The bathroom is in the corridor, second door on the right. You’ll find towels and all the other stuff there as well. I’ll bring you a shirt in a few minutes.”

“Cool.”

This whole sleepover thingy seemed to be going pretty smoothly – Jaebum took his shower and squeezed himself into one of Mark’s shirts that was still a bit too small even for someone as lean as him, because Mark was a walking stickman. Then the elder shoved a bunch of blankets and a pillow into Jaebum’s arms, giving the orders of how to make his bed and what not to touch in the living room.

Yes, Mark did feel guilty about the shirt, but not to the point where he would let Jaebum sleep in his bed.

However, Jaebum didn’t seem all that sleepy anymore when at 6 AM he peeked his head through the bathroom door, where Mark was trying to remember all the magic ways of his mom’s to clean the hoodie still stained with vomit.

 

 

“I always thought that men doing laundry look sexy.” Jaebum says, sitting on the floor, ready to keep Mark company even though the latter didn’t ask.

“Get your sick fantasies away from me.” Mark groans, trying to brush away a strand of hair from his face, what results him having a streak of washing powder scented foam on his forehead. “But if you’re here, then at least be useful – take a bottle of ibuprofen from the cupboard above the sink and bring it to Jinyoung.”

Jaebum does as he’s told, well, at least to some extent – he stands up and takes the painkillers, but sits back down, playing with the bottle, the calm clattering of the pills somehow hypnotizing. They spend the entire time in silence again until Mark finishes his job. He turns to say something, but Jaebum is already soundly asleep, head resting against the bathtub.

Mark takes the wet hoodie to hang in the laundry room for it to dry then returns to the bathroom, but Jaebum doesn’t move in the slightest, looking too harmless and fragile to even think about cruelly waking him up right now.

Well, there’s that, Mark thinks sitting down on the cold floor next to the guy and also leaning his head against the bathtub. It’s uncomfortable as hell, however, he doesn’t intend to carry one more person around that night, but he isn’t about to leave Jaebum sleeping in a _bathroom_ alone either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one big hallucination induced by fever, forgive me any mistakes you may find, now I'm going back to bed to slowly die from cold. 
> 
> Comments are always welcomed!


	3. Chapter 3

If someone asked, Mark would say life works in funny ways.

Some twenty-three year olds wake up next to their significant others, a new day softly tickling their nostrils with a scent of fresh coffee; some twenty-three year olds wake up alone in their empty dorm rooms because their roommates are already out for classes. And Mark, also a twenty-three year old… Well, he simply falls out of his bed, planting his face on the floor for what seems like the second time during the last twelve-ish hours.

He’s still more than half asleep, sleep deprivation from yesterday’s adventures running in every cell of his body, not quite understanding why he doesn’t feel the coldness of his bathroom tiles or the warmth of the person he fell asleep next to. And only after cracking his eyes open, Mark learns that he’s on the floor of their _living room_ , blanket he borrowed Jaebum wrapped around _his_ body. There are two voices echoing through the apartment and Mark wonders what time is it if Jinyoung is already awake. The clock on the wall shows 11:16 AM.

When he finally makes his grand entrance to the kitchen, feeling his every muscle burning in soreness, blanket tied around him like a cape of a landless king and hair disheveled like after a wild night (it _was_ wild, though not in the ways Mark would brag his friends about), the scene that unfolds in front of his eyes could be called weirdly domestic – Jinyoung, even though looking like a wreck that was thrown in a dumpster and hit by a truck several times, is showing something in his phone to Jaebum, who’s sitting on a countertop, they both are laughing and his flatmate’s chuckling is almost buried by Jaebum’s wild and loud laugh.

“You’re alive.” Mark says to Jinyoung, dragging himself to the nearest cupboard in search for caffeine. Jaebum for some reason doesn’t bother him that much, even though he would appreciate if he sat on a chair, like every decent human being with manners. “I thought you’ll get at least an alcohol poisoning.”

“No need to sound so disappointed.” Jinyoung fires back with a sour expression, a terrible headache being no obstacle for his sarcastic mouth, and Mark decides that he likes the drunk Jinyoung more. Even though vomiting everywhere, at least he keeps it silent.

Jaebum watches this whole exchange with a certain smile before butting in. “Now now, kids, play nicely. Why do you hate each other so much?”

“We don’t.” They both answer at the same time, making Jaebum raise his eyebrows and Mark hide his smile before turning to him again. “How did I end up on the sofa? Where were you sleeping? When did you wake up?”

Jaebum only snorts at this avalanche of questions, exchanging eye rolls with Jinyoung as if they suddenly have become new best friends forever, making Mark wonder when did this kind of bonding happen. “One question at a time, please.”

Mark has no idea why he instinctively obeys, even though Jaebum is clearly joking – but there’s something in the younger’s voice, something in that deep airy timbre that makes Mark follow it, and he’s not sure if he likes that. “So, how did I end up on the sofa?”

“I carried you there.” The answer is quick and simple, yet somehow unsettling. It’s not like Mark is against the action per se, if he was more familiar with the guy, maybe he would’ve even appreciated the gesture. But now it feels somehow weird, especially when he doesn’t even remember it. “And Jinyoung couldn’t sleep, so he allowed to me crash in his bed. Your bed is untouched by my camboy filth, don’t worry.”

Mark purses his lips, but doesn’t say anything neither about this unplanned sleeping arrangement switch nor about the joke Jaebum seems to love teasing him with. He doesn’t need to glance twice to learn that the guest is wearing Jinyoung’s slippers and is overall feeling like at his own home, at least judging from the way he turns to raid their fridge. 

“So, when were you going to tell me?” Jinyoung says with a sly smile on his face, ready to make this morning a friendly torture for his flatmate. Mark lifts his head from his cup of coffee quite confused. “That he’s the guy you were wailing about for most of the last week?”

“He was talking about me?” Jaebum also turns around intrigued, a cup of tea in his hands, with a smug smile reminding that he _predicted_ that yesterday in the car, and Mark suddenly feels like his cheeks are on fire.

“I was _not_ —“

“Believe me, he didn’t shut up.” Jinyoung keeps smiling with his evil smile, even though his flatmate is almost drilling a hole in his ankle under the table. “ _Jaebum this Jaebum that, can you believe that he’s a camboy?_ By the way, now that I finally met you—“

Mark groans, not missing the chance to interrupt. “—and vomited all over your clothes—“

“ _Now that I met you_ ,” Jinyoung repeats again, completely unfazed. “I saw you a few times, you’re pretty good.” He raises both of his thumbs up before reaching for another glass of water that Mark wishes he would drown in. “Though, not really my type, no offense.”

“None taken.” Jaebum slightly smiles, but there’s something in it, something awkward, like he would be a bit taken aback by someone recognizing him outside the website and rubbing this fact right into his face. But Mark doesn’t really notice that, since he’s more flabbergasted about the fact that Jinyoung has seen Jaebum… _doing_ _stuff_.

So it’s not really a surprise that all he asks is, “You spend your free time watching camboys?”

“None of your business.” Jinyoung says. “Isn’t he kind of famous anyway, I mean literally every healthy male gay around this area knows who _i_love_ramen_ is.”

Surprisingly, it’s Jaebum who blushes this time, his cheeks coloring in a soft shade of pink and before Mark even opens his mouth to say anything. “In my defense, I was drunk when I registered for the site and it turned out that you can’t change the username after registration.”

Mark just raises his eyebrow, not bothering to voice out neither the fact that he’s probably not your everyday “healthy gay male around this area” because he has never heard about a username as ridiculous as this one, nor his actual opinion on it. He simply stands up to wash his cup and soon after that Jaebum says he kind of needs to go, because there are things that need to be taken care of.

“Your clothes are in the laundry room, next door to the living room. Your shoes are in the corridor and your car keys,” Mark quickly scans his memory trying to remember where he put them. “Your car keys should be somewhere in the living room.”

“Thanks, _wifey_.” Jaebum laughs again, teasing Mark becoming almost his second job and the latter chokes on what seems like a big chunk of air that he isn’t able to inhale after the remark. “I kind of thought of offering you to keep me company, besides, you still owe me for the hoodie.”

Mark wants to say that it’s Jinyoung who trashed his clothes, so they can go together, however, he asks, “Where are you going?”

“To shoot a video, where else? We camboys never rest.” For a split second Mark even believes him, since Jaebum sounds so serious and convincing, but there are some certain sparks of mischief playing in his eyes. “It’s a surprise, you have to trust me. So are you in or not?”

Five minutes and countless Jinyoung’s eye rolls wordlessly telling him not to be a stuck up asshole later, Mark finds himself fastening a seatbelt in the passenger seat of Jaebum’s car. This time it’s significantly more awkward, neither of them being much of talkers and there’s no drunk Jinyoung to distract them, so they drive mostly in silence, the only sounds being Jaebum’s abrupt humming and a few Mark’s warnings to watch the speed limit.

They stop in front of an apartment complex in one of those “better” areas of Seoul city. Mark remembers Jinyoung sighing how he would like to live in a place like this if he wasn’t a broke university student and Mark always agreed with him, tall buildings and monochrome coldness being somehow attracting.

Silly, but the fact that Jaebum _lives_ in this place hits him only when they finally reach the 8th floor of the building and the younger turns his pockets upside down in search for a key. Mark takes a few shy steps forward when Jaebum turns around inviting him in, not really knowing what to expect.

And it’s nothing he was expecting, actually – the apartment is definitely quite new but already cozily decorated. To Mark’s surprise, Jaebum has a huge bookshelf (“To learn all about the art of seduction.” Jaebum laughs, but Mark sees _Norwegian Wood_ , _Kafka on the Shore_ , and other similar books, and he wishes that the guy would stop messing with him). There are some clothes scattered on the ground here and there, some fast food packages, but the biggest surprise is a grey little ball of fur resting on a pillow on Jaebum’s couch in the living room, lazily opening its eyes when the latter softly ruffles the pet’s head.

“You have a cat.” Mark’s words sound more like a statement than a question. Im Jaebum is definitely full of surprises.

“Yeah.” The latter replies without looking at him, busy playing with the pet, who keeps curiously glancing towards the intruder. Mark, that is. “Her name is Nora.”

Nora finally shoos her owner away with a sharp hit of her paw, what makes Jaebum wince in pain, taking a few steps towards Mark, carefully sniffing his hand with her small nose, as the latter reaches it out to pet her, but she suddenly hisses and Jaebum says, “Careful. She has quite a temper.”

“Like owner, like pet.”

“Don’t worry, she doesn’t like anyone, not even me.” Jaebum laughs ignoring his jab, and for a second he reminds more of a teenager, unstyled hair completely covering his forehead and slightly getting in his eyes. “Anyway, I need to take her to a vet clinic.”

“Is she sick?” Mark asks, more out of politeness than genuine care about a pet who dislikes him so openly. Talk about being petty.

“Nope, just a regular check-up.”

Mark frowns. “Why do you need me for this?”

“Smell of medical facilities make me sick, also you don’t look like you have big plans for today anyway.”

Even though Jaebum initially didn’t look like the type who would crumble under a mere sight of a needle, Mark shrugs – if he’s already here, they might as well just go together. He hates to admit, but Jaebum is right once again, he doesn’t have any plans.

While Jaebum is running around the flat gathering all the things they might need and chasing the cat, who doesn’t seem like she wants to go anywhere (which is not an easy task, especially when Mark refuses to help, lowkey afraid of getting scratched or something), he looks around until some things catch his attention.

“What’s that?” he asks, looking at a wall that’s entirely covered with various photos, all varying in sizes, colors and frames. And content, there isn’t any photo that would be similar to another one – there’s a photo of footsteps in sand, a castle, flower petals being played with by wind, and many more, Mark can’t even count how much of them are there.

“Photos.” Jaebum says, standing right behind Mark, what startles him.

“I’m not blind.” He rolls his eyes. “Who took them?”

Jaebum opens his mouth only after a while. “I did. I major in photography.”

Mark unknowingly smiles at the fact that this Im Jaebum, witty, sarcastic and sometimes straight up an asshole, apparently has a knack for art, but keeps it to himself, as Jaebum says that he’s ready to go, Nora safely (and finally) trapped in her traveling cage.

The journey passes without any major adventures, Mark is getting bored to death in the waiting room, trying to bury himself under the pile of magazines about pet care and the newest inventions in dog food, waiting for Jaebum to come back with his cat. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, he emerges with Nora in his hands and a vet, explaining something to him with a wide smile.

“That’s about it.” The doctor finishes when they approach Mark. Jaebum asks him to hold Nora for a while and under other circumstances he would refuse, but now there are too many people around, so he takes the pet in his arms, both being afraid of her and worrying that she might feel uncomfortable in the hands of a stranger. “You look like a nice couple, by the way.” The vet says instead of a goodbye and Mark flushes dark red.

“We’re not—“

“Thanks.” Jaebum’s response is louder than his, as he’s taking his pet back, making Mark blush even redder if that’s even possible. “See you next time, doc.”

They don’t talk much again when Jaebum is taking him home, Nora now freely resting on the back seat instead of her cage, looking satisfied for some reason. Cats are weird, Mark thinks, but then again, so is Jaebum – he looks like he’s thinking about something, previous humming on their way to the vet long gone, now he’s focused on something else.

“What do you think?” Jaebum finally opens his mouth twenty minutes later, stopping his car in front of Mark’s home yet again, however, this time without any intention to accompany him.

“About what?”

Jaebum sighs, like he would be a bit disappointed that Mark doesn’t understand. “About what the vet said, like, us. Together.”

Mark freezes, suddenly feeling all awkward again. He didn’t expect the topic to turn this way, and who could blame him – sure, they met in that speed dating thing, but nothing really exceptional happened there and honestly, Mark isn’t sure whether he _wants_ something to happen. He thought that Jaebum could be a good friend maybe, at least if he gets rid of his camboy jokes and sarcasm, and yet suddenly he’s talking about _being together_?

“Isn’t it too early to thinking about this?” He manages to stutter. “We know each other for a day, tops.”

“Two weeks, if we count from the day we met.” Jaebum, as always, has his way with words, voice calm and serious.

Mark, though, isn’t convinced. “We didn’t talk for, like, the bigger half of it.”

“Do you believe in love from the first sight then?”

“No.” Mark responds incredulously, ready to burst out laughing if Jaebum admits being hopeless romantic or something along those lines.

“Me neither.” Jaebum confirms, confusing the hell out of Mark yet again. “Heck, I don’t even believe in long-term relationships. But you’re attractive, hopefully I am too, you don’t make me think of a way to kill you, so.”

Mark lets out a weak smile. “Thanks, I guess? I don’t think we’re very compatible. I’m your usual traditional textbook guy, and you’re… Well—“

“A camboy, _right_.” Jaebum sighs, sarcastic smile already playing on his face. “Why are you so hung up on this? Can’t you just ignore this fact?”

“Not when my flatmate apparently jerks off to your videos.” Mark means it seriously, but for some reason it sounds absolutely hilarious and they both burst out in laughter in seconds, Jaebum cracking up first and Mark following his contagious laugh soon after. However, when they finally calm down, he continues. “I just don’t think it will work out, you know? You have a sugar daddy or whatever on top of everything and… Sharing isn’t caring for me when it comes to relationships.”

Jaebum understandingly nods, but quickly offers another insight as if it is a damn debate club. “It’s just a job and he’s just like… My boss or something, Like you have your internship supervisor, I have a… Well, yeah, I have a sugar daddy that sometimes needs me.”

“I don’t fuck my supervisor, that’s the difference.” Mark bitterly smiles. “I don’t believe this free love bullshit, Jaebum. Yes, call me sappy and old-fashioned, but I need commitment, I need safety. And with all the due respect, I don’t think you can offer this.”

“You’re absolutely right.” Jaebum doesn’t even argue and that’s what surprises Mark the most. “I’m not the type to bring you flowers every morning, I probably wouldn’t even _be_ there for you every morning. But I would never lie to you – I don’t care what do you with your life, I don’t care what books you read, I’m not demanding anything. Look at me as an adventure, Mark. And you don’t need to answer now, just think about it.”

“I will.” Mark nods, however, he isn’t sure whether he’ll stay true to his words.

“You know where I live, you know my phone number. You know how to find me.”

Only when Mark comes back home, he finally lets out the breath he was unconsciously holding. He feels slightly intoxicated for some reason, drunk on Jaebum’s speech, his words mixing in Mark’s head. And probably that’s the only explanation why he goes straight to his room without even taking his shoes off, closing the doors shut, even though he’s one hundred percent sure that hungover Jinyoung is sleeping like a log in his room.

Mark takes his laptop and it doesn’t take a genius to find that specific site he’s searching for – in the end, how does that saying go, the person who keeps searching, will find _._

 

If someone asked, Mark would say life works in funny ways.

Some twenty-three year olds spend their Thursday afternoons out with their friends doing those small nothings young people do; some of them spend it studying because midterms are slowly approaching. And Mark Tuan, also a twenty-three year old…

Well, it takes only a deep breath before he types in _i_love_ramen_ into the search bar of a camboy site.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now that the most important character, nora, has made her appearance... jk lmao  
> this was supposed to be uploaded earlier, but my head decided to scrap out and completely rewrite like a half of the chapter, because why not.
> 
> As always, comments are always welcomed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello we're entering the filth zone

It feels like doing something wrong, as if Mark is a teenager and his parents are about to barge into his room to check on him and witness what on earth he’s doing.

And Mark himself isn’t sure _what_ is he doing. He doesn’t know what he expected to see when he clicked that search button – maybe somewhere deep inside his heart, that is pounding truly like a teenager’s who just discovered the joys of porn, he hopes to see “no results found” flashing with big white letters in front of him, to see that the person behind the username _i_love_ramen_ doesn’t exist, or that it isn’t Jaebum.

However, the search engine offers him hundreds of results in seconds, most of them being re-uploads, but there are around twenty original videos under Jaebum’s account, the oldest being about three years old. The videos don’t have any fancy and clickbait titles, actually, they don’t have titles at all – they’re just numbered, but seems like that isn’t an obstacle for the audience, as most of the videos have shitloads of views.

Mark isn’t sure why exactly he doesn’t turn the browser off, hell, he saw more than enough from thumbnails – Jaebum bending himself over a kitchen counter, Jaebum naked in a bathroom, and so much more, but something, this weird curiosity that is about to kill the cat is keeping him still, nervously drawing circles with his laptop mouse around those thumbnails.

And then a short message catches Mark’s attention, a small notice on top of the page. Jaebum is doing a live broadcast at 11 PM tonight. When he clicks on it and a new page pops up, requesting a payment beforehand, his lips corners slightly tug up, seeing that the camboy charges 30,000 won per video.

_He sure isn’t cheap._

And the same damned curiosity leaves Mark sighing, as he’s filing the payment form with a weird anticipation filling up his stomach. He doesn’t know what to expect - being kind of soft-hearted, he hopes that he won’t see Jaebum doing something hardcore, but Mark has good four hours to think about it as the broadcast is nowhere near starting soon.

Finally, after a whole lot anxious walking around the flat, making Jinyoung question what on earth is wrong with him, Mark returns to his room just before the start of the broadcast. The video starts a bit after 11 PM, late enough for Mark to snatch a bottle of soju from his flatmate’s not so secret stash – he doesn’t think he can handle this completely sober.

It starts off a bit blurry, camera unfocused, but it seems that the person in front of it isn’t bothered by that at all. Mark can’t see the guy’s face clearly yet, but it doesn’t take an eternity for him to realize that the walls of the room he’s seeing are colored the same as the rest of Jaebum’s apartment. And seeing a double bed covered in dark red beddings, Mark decides that it's probably his bedroom.

It feels incredibly weird, to hear a familiar low voice echoing through Mark’s earphones greeting his audience, webcam finally focusing on all the right places and uncovering a clear view of Jaebum. He’s fully dressed, but the clothes he was wearing earlier today when he took Mark home are long gone – now they’re changed by a black shirt tightly wrapping around his upper body, leather pants and a leather jacket.

Jaebum is also wearing a choker and traces of eyeliner on his eyelids are making them look a lot sultrier than usually, as well as his black hair, pushed up, exposing the forehead and a piercing in his eyebrow – something Mark hasn’t noticed before. But he can’t lie to himself, it does suit the younger. A lot, he thinks as he’s downing the first gulp of his soju to ease his spinning mind a bit.

Jaebum stays still while talking sweet nothings, as if allowing the viewers to admire him from afar before the main show starts, carelessly running his fingers through his hair, purposely messing them up. But actually, Mark notices, the guy is slightly leaning forward, most probably reading the comments people are writing, and naturally, Mark’s eyes shift to the corner of the screen as well.

 **[23:06] anonymoususer_56212:** _fck when will this start_  
**[23:06] anonymoususer_54556:** _I bet hed look fine w handcuffs_  
**[23:07] anonymoususer_55520:** _he’d look good in anything tbh_  
**[23:07] anonymoususer_55205:** _lbr he looks the best naked nd w/ a dildo up his ass_

Mark can see Jaebum holding his laughter in reading the last comments, eyebrows quirking up in a special way that he saw this morning, and he can also feel his heart starting beating a tad bit faster when Jaebum swiftly presses a few buttons on his laptop and a slow rhythm of some foreign song fills the room as he’s slowly taking off his jacket and tossing it somewhere on the floor.

The shirt the guy is wearing is a low cut, exposing his collarbones and Mark unconsciously bites his lower lip. He’d like to turn off the video, to say he’s not interested and focus on something else, but he can’t, Jaebum still casually chitchatting about something drawing him in like a fly into a spider web, the younger’s deep voice almost hypnotizing him into staying.

“What do you want me to do next?” Jaebum asks and Mark suddenly feels his back and forehead being drenched in sweat, because _fuck_ , this voice is definitely doing things to him, but he tries to write it off as being dazed because of the lack of sleep and another mouthful of soju he gulps down.

 **[23:09] anonymoususer_55252:** _take ur clothes off duh_  
**[23:09] anonymoususer_44475:** _clothes off_  
**[23:09] anonymoususer_55782:** _naked_

“Thought so.” Jaebum chuckles and slowly, even lazily, moves his arms to get rid of the shirt he’s wearing. His movements are teasing and playful, tanned skin of his torso revealing itself little by little and Mark feels his breath hitching, but soon mentally scolds himself for acting like he would be watching porn for the first time, swooning over a tiny bit of bare skin.

Jaebum’s upper body is stunning, though, Mark has to give him that – it’s obvious that he’s exercising, but isn’t crazy about it, all muscles fit and defined. And suddenly Mark starts feeling curious how it would feel to run his fingers against the camboy’s chest.

The latter continues, removing his leather pants just as slowly, with some certain grace to his moves, much like a dancer performing his number, and even though Mark knows that it probably takes a lot of practice to keep your facial expressions intact like that, he’s more focused on Jaebum’s legs – lean and strong. And Mark is not the only one, the comment section getting both crazy and sick of his teasing.

Mark wonders what would happen if _he_ left a comment, unticking that anonymous box next to the posting button; what would happen if Jaebum knew he’s watching, but soon he shoos the idea away. He doesn’t want the younger to know.

While Mark is drowning in his own thoughts, Jaebum gets rid of his pants completely, the only clothing remaining on his body being his black boxers and the choker on his neck.

 **[23:11] anonymoususer_593054:** _play with yourself baby boy ;)_

Mark sees this comment with a side of his eye, getting curious if Jaebum is actually listening to those to a full extent, because he surely doesn’t look like the type who would let others order him around. But probably money is still money, as the guy just flashes a seducing smirk to the camera, slightly shrugging his shoulders as if telling “if you say so”.

Jaebum gets more comfortable on his bed and lies down. His fingers are slowly tracing ornaments across his stomach, careful and delicate touches gradually sliding down to his lower body, once again teasingly, more for the viewers than for himself, avoiding the obvious boner in his boxers. It takes a few long moments until Jaebum’s fingers finally brush against the fabric of the underwear, palming his bulge and his hips jolt forward, making him let out a groan.

Mark closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He’s not made out of stone either – his body is already reacting to all the sounds and the view he’s witnessing in front of himself through the screen of his laptop, some particular areas of his pants feeling already too tight, but being a stubborn idiot he is, he tries to fight it off, because _he’s definitely not going to jerk off to Im Jaebum_.

However, the latter seems to have a challenge or two for him, as he’s removing his underwear when Mark finally turns his stare back to the screen, revealing himself completely naked. His cock is already leaking with precome and Jaebum throws a seductive smile so shameless that Mark even takes it personally, taking his third shot of soju and trying to even out his breathing.

Jaebum doesn’t dwell on exhibiting his body, probably thinking of how to have at least some fun in a situation like this. He closes his eyes and slowly runs his hand against his stomach back to his lower body again and wraps his hand around his cock, giving it a few experimental light strokes.

His breathing is also shaky and ragged, much like Mark’s, whose boner is now pressing against his pants making him crazy, but he is a man of principles, no matter how dumb those principles are, so he only bites his tongue seeing Jaebum continuing, brushing his thumb over the head of his cock with every stroke, hips uncontrollably lifting up as he’s setting up a fast pace, unrestrained moans escaping his mouth.

Mark can’t believe that only a few minutes pass, being completely immersed by the sight, noticing only a whole bunch of comments appearing and disappearing within seconds. It feels like he’s watching Jaebum giving himself a handjob for an eternity, eyes closed and head thrown back, but soon the camboy’s eyes crack open, hand not stopping, but not allowing himself come, as he’s reading the demands of the viewers.

And those demands eventually leave him splayed on the bed on all fours, his ass in front of the camera for the audience to enjoy the view and for a second Mark feels uncomfortable yet again, but soon he forgets everything again as Jaebum is now softly running his fingers against the skin of his ass cheeks and against the rim of his hole, breathing getting sharper as he slowly inserts one finger into himself. It’s not deep, just up until his knuckle, but Mark sees Jaebum’s back arching both in pain and pleasure, the comment section now simply going batshit wild. Mark finally spots the viewer count and his jaw drops open – more than 15,000.

His gaze doesn’t linger on the count as Jaebum is now slowly fucking himself on his two fingers, mouth sputtering nonsense in pleasure and his loud moans echoing through Mark’s earphones yet again. The latter’s principles are long forgotten, right hand in his pants already, because he’s so hard it physically hurts.

Jaebum seems like he’s not even considering stopping, turning his head over his shoulder and giving a dirty look to his viewers, eyes dark in lust, continuing to fuck himself with his fingers, now three, moans getting pitched a bit higher than usual when his digits finally brush against his prostate.

Suddenly the camboy leaves himself empty, dragging his fingers out of his hole with a whimper and lifting them up to his mouth, audibly sucking on them. Mark feels like he won’t be able to last long if this continues, underwear almost drenched wet from the precome as he’s stroking his erection, eyes fixed on the screen.

Jaebum soon gets back to his previous activity, all the digits back in him with the same torturously slow pace, and Mark thinks it’s amazing how he can keep going for so long and keep his balance, with one hand fingering himself and pumping his neglected cock with another, finding the best camera angles to show it off on top of that.

Mark comes first, lack of sexual activities these days and Jaebum’s moans as he’s moving inside himself faster and faster, hitting all the right places that make him cry out in pleasure, being too much to handle. He feels his sticky cum all over his palm, ruining his underwear and pants, he’s all sweaty and panting.

Jaebum climaxes not so long after, not being able to fight off the stimulation he’s giving himself, with a loud moan that sounds almost melodic to Mark. The younger collapses on his bed, white traces of his come still spurting onto his stomach, making a mess on his bedsheets. However, he doesn’t look like he cares, breathing heavily, and his eyeliner is coming off in streaks, mixing with sweat and a few tears that escaped his eyes when he reached an orgasm.

His voice is incredibly soft, almost angelic when he finally opens his mouth. “I hope you enjoyed tonight’s broadcast. See you next time.”

It takes a few more minutes until Jaebum finds it in himself to finally stand up to turn off the stream, so Mark has a few more moments to look at him, all sweaty and covered in his own cum - honestly, Jaebum is gorgeous like that, and this realization scares Mark a bit. But then the view goes blank and words “the broadcast has ended” leave some kind of weird emptiness in him, as Mark is heading to shower to clean himself up.

 

Jaebum falls back on his pillows again, breathing still labored, body feeling heavy and worn out. He stretches out, body a bit stiff after spending so much time in one position. He feels exhausted and fucked out, much like after every broadcast. It’s not anything special.

After a while, he finally drags himself to the bathroom after ripping the choker off his neck, taking a long hot shower to wash away all the filth he has just broadcasted, meticulously washing every inch of his body. Jaebum sees his makeup running down the bathtub as he’s washing his hair and face until there’s no sign of _i_love_ramen_ anymore, just him, Im Jaebum, a twenty-two year old photography major.

He wraps himself in his favorite bathrobe and heads to the kitchen to make himself some tea; while the water is boiling, he pets his cat who was mercilessly locked in the bathroom all this time. Nora rewards him with a scratch on his right hand and Jaebum thinks he deserves it.

Then he takes his cup of green tea and returns to the bedroom, gathering his ruined bedsheets and taking them to put in the washing machine while the tea is cooling down. It’s his own ritual he’s doing after every broadcast – changing his beddings into squeaky clean, even sterile, ones; swallowing two pills of ibuprofen before snuggling in his bed with tea and a book he took from the bookshelf on his way back.

If feels warm and even cozy if you forget what happened here just a bit more than half an hour ago, and what will probably be happening again quite soon, depending on Jaebum’s mood. The guy immerses himself in the book he’s reading, the plot taking him away from this mundane existence to a place where camboys and complicated relationships don’t exist, where love and romance still aren’t dead. Unfortunately, he’s woken up from that _better world_ a few hours later, the sounds of his washing machine turning off making him snap out of his restless dozing off.

Only when all the laundry is neatly hanged to dry in the balcony, Jaebum allows himself to go to sleep, the clock showing way past 3 AM. He takes his cat with him to bed, Nora killing him with her stare, but after a while she still snuggles on the pillow next to him, and he smiles before noticing that he still hasn’t turned his work laptop off.

Jaebum groans, cursing himself for having a habit of not being able to sleep when any kind of light is on, and out of sheer curiosity he checks the stats of tonight’s video. It did pretty well, more than 15,000 viewers in total, so that will definitely make him a few hundred thousand won richer, but suddenly, as he’s absent-mindedly going through the payment list, he spots a weird email address.

At first Jaebum looks at it incredulously, then his lips form a light smile before letting out a chuckle, shaking his head in some ridiculous satisfaction.

Only someone like Mark Tuan would use his university mail that contains his full name to pay for watching a camboy broadcast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you literally have no idea how much i've suffered over this chapter, pls love it.  
> comments are always welcomed, you know the drill.


	5. Chapter 5

It would be stupid to think that Mark forgot the video over the time – he wishes, but weeks are passing and he often finds himself aimlessly moping around the house or lying in bed late at night, sometimes even going back to the site.

Not to re-watch the video though, only to see what Jaebum’s been up to these days (because it’s _definitely_ easier than just texting him, the paper with the younger’s number being dug out of the trashcan after some strenuous searching), but it’s all useless – it’s been more than two weeks since the last video and needless to say, Jaebum never tried to contact Mark, as if leaving the decision to him.

Jinyoung also notices his flatmate’s mood swings not so soon after and he for sure knows what’s going on – he's always had a great eye for such things, but this time he decides to stay away from Mark’s love life.

And then one night the latter winds up in some club downtown with Jinyoung and his friends, celebrating someone’s birthday, and all the tables turn. For better or for worse, none of them can tell.

Mark finds it pretty terrible, socializing and small talks about nothing with people whom he doesn’t know well never being his forte, but he knows that he’s carrying a secret role of Jinyoung’s wingman for the night, and when the younger successfully drags some guy to dance, he sighs in relief.

Mark feels a bit cold, a thin shirt he’s wearing doing absolutely nothing to stop him from shivering, and he decides to warm himself up with a shot of vodka from the bar. It indeed does help, the intoxicating warmth sliding down his throat and through his entire body, and when he takes out his phone trying to decide whether it’s a decent time to hit the road home or not, his eyes spot a familiar figure.

It’s none other than Im Jaebum, casually leaning against a wall while chatting with some tipsy girl with a friendly smile on his face. As if feeling Mark’s stare, he lifts his head and their eyes inevitably meet, leaving Mark feeling like he was just struck by a lightning. Jaebum smiles to the girl once more, quickly saying something to her, and a few seconds later he’s right in front of the elder.

“Long time no see.” Jaebum’s voice is soft, warm even, reminding nothing of that lustful and deep one Mark heard during the broadcast.

“What are you doing here?” it sounds almost defensive, as if he would be ready to block every question Jaebum might ask, mostly because he has no answers to any of them.

The younger looks like he’s holding in his laughter. “You seem to forget that I’m also a university student ready to party all weekend long before midterms, Tuan. But what about _you_ though, you don’t seem like you’d be a fan of such places.”

“Jinyoung and his friends dragged me here.”

“Figured. I thought I saw him passing by, but I couldn’t tell for sure.”

There’s this weird tension between them – it’s invisible, but still there, full of unanswered questions and anticipated answers, and honestly, Mark feels a bit curious. To him, Jaebum is a puzzle that’s too hard to figure out, not to the point he’d turn around and leave, but _just right_ to stay and see how this is going to end, even though Mark always liked to have all the answers in front of him.

A long pause follows after that, both of the guys unsure of what to say and Mark thinks that it’s amazing how the world works – the person in front of him, the one who sees no struggle to strip naked in front of a camera without even blushing, now looks a bit lost and awkward, shy even.

“What about—“

“Hey—“

They start speaking at the same time, nervously laughing afterwards and all of this results in another streak of awkward silence.

“You go first.” Mark suggests, feeling his face flushed red, but he can’t determine whether it’s because of the situation or because he’s apparently a lightweight, if one mere shot of vodka can make him feel so fuzzy and lightheaded.

“Ah, sure.” Jaebum smiles again, and the guy in front of him for some reason can’t take off his eyes of that small dimple that appears if he smiles wide enough. “I just wanted to offer to go grab a drink together.”

Mark bites his lower lip almost raw, trying to rapidly process everything that’s happening. Jaebum’s offer to be something more than friends is still lingering there, at least in his mind, as it doesn’t feel like the latter even remembers it, acting like that conversation never happened.

And Mark doesn’t know how to feel about it, especially when a few seconds after he has to convince himself that Jaebum isn’t some sort of a psychic, since he says, “If you’re holding back because of what I told you back then, no need to. I can take a no, but it doesn’t mean we can’t be, I don’t know, friends or something.”

“Fine.” Mark says with a sigh. Or maybe something inside him makes him say so, as those words almost force themselves out of his mouth, but the younger’s eyes lighten up a bit.

They talk about nothing – Mark asks about Nora and university stuff, Jaebum replies that she’s fine and shows another huge ass scratch he got for petting her when she wasn’t in the mood, then complains about the university workload. Mark blames it on the alcohol, but the conversation flows unbelievably, incredibly smoothly.

“I though you said let’s go for a _drink_.” He notes, when Jaebum finally tells his order to a bartender and gets a soda can in return. “Or are we trying to get soda drunk tonight?”

“I stopped fancying drinks after Jinyoung puked his guts out on me.” Jaebum laughs, the sound of it echoing through what seems to be the entire club. “Kidding. I’m driving tonight, that’s why. If you want to, go ahead.”

The second shot of vodka he downs just for the sake of courage doesn’t do anything good – Mark feels his tongue loosen, jokes spilling out of his mouth more fluently and giggles escaping his lips more and more frequently. He has to admit, Jaebum really isn’t a terrible human being – during the entire conversation not even once he jokes about being a camboy on top of that, what is always a welcomed thing.

“You okay?” the younger asks, dark gaze scanning Mark, who’s now all flushed pink from both the heat he’s feeling and the alcohol making its way into his brain. “It’s seems like those shots messed you up a bit.”

“I’m fine.” Mark replies, taking sips of water in attempt to dilute the liquor in his blood. “It just… It suddenly got too hot here.”

“We can go for a walk or something, to get some fresh air.”

Mark doesn’t contemplate much, clubs filled with smokes and no ventilation not being his favorites anyway. Besides, he’s doesn’t feel that uncomfortable with the guy anymore, so a few moments later he catches himself collecting his belongings and heading out with Jaebum, a bit cold mid-October night’s air filling up his lungs and cooling down his body.

They stand outside in silence, as if suddenly all the words they had to say disappeared without a trace, awkwardness being back with a full force. Mark feels awkward even standing, suddenly he doesn’t know where to keep his arms and how to stand still, afraid to even breathe.

“Why are you so afraid of me? I don’t bite.” Jaebum quickly catches on what’s happening, a slight smile never leaving his lips. “Unless you ask for it, of course.”

It’s the first time that night he says something at least remotely related to his _hobby_ and Mark sighs yet again, words leaving his mouth against his own will, even though he knows that he’s probably going to regret it a few minutes later.

“I saw your broadcast.”

He doesn’t know what to expect. Maybe Jaebum will make a joke out of it once again or get weirded out, because honestly, people don’t jerk off to your homemade porn videos after you ask them out, but the younger does none of that. Instead, he shifts his stare to the ground, grey pavement for some reason seeming much more comfortable to look at than the guy next to him.

“I know.”

Mark’s mouth flies open upon this statement, embarrassment already boiling up in his guts and Jaebum continues. “I can see the info of people who paid for it. Not very smart of you to put your name out there like that, you know.” He starts mumbling and the elder finds it very weird that he’s not up for teasing this time. “Considering you’re involved with police and such. I don’t think they support this kind of thing.”

“I have a few tricks up my sleeve, they won’t be able to track me down. Not that they would try anyway,” Mark responds, also mumbling his words to the point they’re barely audible. “Literally nobody cares as long as we attend classes and work our shifts.”

Jaebum shrugs as if telling “if you say so” and they fall back into silence again, until he says, “Actually, we can just crash at mine’s, to watch a movie or something. Instead of that walk.”

Mark turns to him, for the very first time during the entire time they’re outside, surprised by the offer, only to see the younger with a wide grin. “Or, you know, do something else.”

“Shut up before I change my mind.” Mark says, taking out his phone to text Jinyoung that he shouldn’t wait for him. Jaebum looks a bit surprised too, maybe because he didn’t expect the elder to agree so easily.

“What did I say?” he innocently blinks at Mark while searching for his car keys. “I meant like, reading and discussing Bible or something, something _you_ would do on a Friday night.”

Mark only rolls his eyes fastening his seatbelt, thinking what kind of walking contradictions they both are – he himself, saying that he would never get close to someone as Jaebum, now agreeing to a movie night; Jaebum, undoubtedly a decent person, doing _these_ kind of things for a living, looking like he doesn’t care about anything in the world, but obviously taking everything in and locking up inside.

But maybe, he thinks, as Jaebum finally moves from the parking lot, that’s exactly why they met each other. To solve each other’s riddles.

They really do watch a movie at the younger’s place – apparently Jaebum is as soft for animation as Mark is, so they end up watching Zootopia, both on the opposite ends of the sofa and separated by Nora, who’s sleeping, lazily resting her head on her owner’s leg. The latter is indulged into finishing a day old fried chicken he found in his fridge, Mark is holding a cup of tea, and to be completely honest, he’s enjoying this turn of events – being away from the loudness of the club and a mass of people makes him happy and relaxed, and he sees that Jaebum is kind of content with that too, eyes glimmering as he’s watching the movie.

When the ending credits are gone from the screen and Mark can barely keep his eyes open, Jaebum shoos him to shower saying that he’ll find some clothes for him, because he’s definitely not going home at this time of the day. The elder tries to protest, because it’s _only_ 3 AM, but Jaebum is strict. “I slept at your place, you’ll do the same, it’s only fair. Though I hope you don’t mind sleeping on the sofa, because well… I have only my bedroom to offer and while I don’t really mind, I’m sure—“

The rest of the sentence remains unsaid, but Mark understands. He himself isn’t sure whether he would be able to fall asleep in that room, the broadcast stupidly, but persistently still haunting him even in his dreams. But he would rather die than to admit that, agreeing to occupy the sofa in the living room to avoid any complicated explanations.

When he’s all reeking of Jaebum’s shower gel twenty minutes later, Mark returns to the living room ready to fall asleep this instant, but the owner of the flat isn’t there. Jaebum is now in the balcony, the cold night’s air filling up the room as he left the door open, and Mark follows him there.

Jaebum is slightly leaning over the balcony, head tilted up to see the clear sky with hundreds of stars shining incredibly brightly, but Mark grabs his arm pulling him back, the annoying habit of not allowing people doing anything potentially dangerous under his supervision being carved into his brain ever since the first lecture of his first year in university. The younger doesn’t say anything about this unexpected closure, just continues looking up at the sky, eyes calmly tracing the constellations.

“Did you know that some of the stars we see now aren’t actually there anymore?” he finally says. His voice sounds weird, full of strange melancholy and longing. “Some of them died thousands, millions of years ago.”

Mark knows, he has faintly heard of that stuff before, probably in high school years ago, but he chooses to ignore it, making a chance for Jaebum to speak his mind. “How come?”

“It’s because of the distance. The distance between us and those stars is so vast, their light reaches us almost an eternity later. So what we see now is what some of those stars looked years ago. It reminds me of people, actually.”

“People?” Mark was never into philosophy or fake-deep discussions, but this starts to sound interesting, the younger guy’s mind definitely not taking the same route as most of others their age.

Jaebum nods, finally tearing his gaze off the sky and looking at Mark. “We die, Mark, sometimes even earlier than our bodies do. But because of the distance, a certain distance between people, we don’t notice that until years later. Sometimes it’s too late, sometimes no one even notices, sometimes it’s just… sad.”

Mark just stands there like a fool at a loss of words, completely stunned by this conclusion. However, Jaebum looks calm and satisfied even, as if he would be discussing ice cream, or summer, or something else pleasant.

“How do you know all that?” Mark asks, trying to steer away from the unpleasant topic. “About the stars.”

“I had astronomy as an elective when I was a freshman for the first time.” Jaebum responds, and gives him a blanket to wrap around his shoulders as he notices that his guest is actually standing there in a tank top he gave him earlier.

“For the first time?”

“Had to repeat the course, I skipped way too much of my first year because of… work. If I didn’t, we would be in the same year. You’re graduating this semester, right?”

Mark nods, not failing to notice that the younger seems upset, like he would be disappointed, and he reaches his hand out to pat Jaebum’s shoulder. It feels warm through his shirt and in some way it’s like petting a stray cat – you never know what the reaction will be, whether you’ll be allowed to come closer or will you get your face shredded with claws. However, the guy just wordlessly looks at him, writing everything off to sleepiness.

“I think it’s time for us to go to sleep.” Mark suddenly gets embarrassed of his action, feeling as if he did something inappropriate. “I’m tired and you probably also have stuff to do.” His voice trails off, because he doesn’t know if Jaebum has something to do, actually.

“Yeah, I do.” Jaebum confirms, the usual humor back to his voice, but dark shadows still vivid in his eyes. “Since you blessed me with your presence, I thought we could do a collaboration video.”

Mark snorts, stepping out of the balcony. “And I thought we’re done with camboy jokes already.”

“Think again.” Jaebum retorts, and Mark feels terribly, severely confused about the guy’s mood swings, shifting from sassiness to almost crying and back again in a span of mere five minutes.

Mark, as it was agreed previously, crashes on the sofa, Jaebum’s blankets and pillows being so fluffy that it feels too good to be true after his own stone hard pillow.

“I’ll be going then. Goodnight.” Jaebum is still leaning against the door of the living room, sweater paws made out of his ugly old sweater he changed into as soon as they got back from the club, and for some reason it looks adorable, even if the washed out pink color of the clothing is not making it any better.

“Can I ask you something?” Mark opens his mouth before drifting to the dreamland of his.

“Yeah, sure.”

“When you slept at my place. Why did you carry me all the way to the living room? My bedroom was way closer.”

Jaebum’s eyebrows furrow as if he’s trying to remember that night, then a light smile appears on his lips. “At some point, especially when you get tired of people seeing you completely naked and defenseless, you start appreciating privacy, places not meant for other people to see just yet. So I didn’t even think about going to your bedroom, actually.”

“Where’s that place of yours? Not meant for other people to see?”

“If I told you, it would lose its purpose, wouldn’t it?” Jaebum replies with a laugh and turns off the lights, heading to his bedroom.

The sound of doors shutting echoes in Mark’s mind for a while, and he would like to tell his mind to calm down and turn off, but he can’t as it’s spinning in circles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should get rid of the habit to completely rewrite more than a half of the chapter the last minute before posting, smh.  
> anyway, i hope you enjoyed, and as always, comments are always welcomed!


	6. Chapter 6

Usually he doesn’t dream very often, but that night Mark sees a lot of weird things in his sleep – photos he has seen on Jaebum’s wall, flashlights and police sirens mixing into one big colorful chaos, unfamiliar people shouting and screaming something. However, he can’t tell if it’s a nightmare or not, because he feels like someone is next to him all the time, someone warm and someone he should trust – someone that doesn’t allow this to feel like a nightmare. But the problem is, Mark has no idea what, or who, that is.

He finally cracks his eyes open after a particularly weird bit of a dream where he’s being chased around some forest by Nora and immediately sighs in relief realizing that he’s still in bed, neck painfully stiff from Jaebum’s sofa. Mark blinks a few times to get used to the brightness, then his stare shifts to the surroundings.

Nothing’s changed or unusual, just Jaebum is already awake, sitting on the floor a bit farther, with a terrible bed head and a bunch of papers around him, scribbling something in his notes and biting his lip in frustration from time to time, and Mark assumes that the work is not going very well.

He doesn’t move, not allowing the younger guy to know that he’s already awake. Watching Jaebum being so candid, just tapping his temple with a pencil in hopes that knowledge will come to him if he does that long enough, just like any college student, feels incredibly nice, Mark has to admit.

“If you stare any harder, I bet you’ll burn a hole in my face.” Jaebum mumbles, now hurriedly shuffling through pages of his textbook and Mark mentally thanks all the gods out there that his face is half-covered by a blanket, hiding his cheeks that are flaming up cherry red. “Morning.”

“Morning.” The elder weakly smiles in response, sitting up in the bed only when he feels his face being back to a normal color. More or less. “What time is it?”

Jaebum’s eyes slides to the watch on his wrist, with an unexplainable smile playing on his lips. “ _Jinyoung-called-only-fifty-three-times_ PM. You weren’t picking up, so he decided that it’s okay to start blasting my phone at 7 AM on a Saturday morning, thanks.”

Mark’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. He _did_ text his housemate about coming back late, so when he finally finds his phone somewhere under the pillow (of course, set on silent, because it’s such a _his_ thing to do before sleeping) and sees countless of missed calls and messages, varying from begging to reply and threatening to throw him out of their apartment if Mark doesn’t call back immediately, he freaks out at first, thinking that maybe it’s _Jinyoung_ who got in a trouble yet again and needed his help; but then he scrolls up and sees that his previous message, the one saying that he’s a with a _friend_ (Mark wasn’t planning on giving his flatmate the pleasure of knowing that he finally met up with Jaebum after weeks of pathetic sighing and moping around) didn’t go through.

“Wait.” Another realization hits him after a while. “How does he know your number?”

Jaebum laughs, finally putting his stuff away and stretching out, satisfied that he has something to tease Mark with. “Said he copied it from some paper you dug out of your trashcan a few days earlier. Nice to see where my efforts of writing it down for you that night in the speed dating event went.”

Mark only wails and mumbles something, falling back on the pillows and hiding his face under the blankets yet again, something similar to _shut up_ or _fuck you_ and that makes Jaebum laugh even more, all his pens and notes scattering around him with no order.

“Anyway, what are you doing there?” Mark asks, still not ready to show his embarrassed face and swearing to skin Jinyoung alive for his loose tongue as soon as he gets back home.

“I have some assignments to finish and my bedroom is too dark in the mornings, I need to search for brighter places. So I ended up here, even though your snoring feels like a drill stuck in my brain.”

“I do _not_ snore.” Mark argues, what is met only with a grin of Jaebum’s. He finally gets up, trying to shake the sleepiness out of his body and learns that the younger has done quite some work already, pages full of neatly written syllables lining on front of him, and the latter shrugs noticing Mark’s stare as if saying that he can take a look if he wants.

It’s an essay for some elective, probably something related to literature, because Jaebum is referring to a novel as he writes, _“To some extent, I believe that the main character only pretended to be a bad person. It could be seen as a way to protect oneself from the outer world – if everyone thinks you’re only a fuckup, you can’t fail and disappoint them, right?”_

For some reason these sentences leave a weird taste in Mark’s mouth. He feels like Jaebum is trying to tell something to him – those words about stars, words about privacy, now this essay. But he isn’t able to understand it, he doesn’t speak in metaphors – he only knows how to accept plain facts and statements, laws, regulations. Math formulas, if needed.

So what finally escapes his lips is a simple, “That doesn’t sound like appropriate word choice for an essay.”

“Our professor values honesty over nice words, so.” Jaebum says and for a while they stay silent, until he changes the topic completely. “Hungry?”

Mark understands the shift in the younger’s intonation, knowing that the previous topic is over for an indefinite period of time, so he slowly nods. “Like a wolf.”

Jaebum’s eyes light up again as if someone would’ve turned a light switch on, “You’ll have to help though, I can’t cook to save my life.”

Mark doesn’t mind, living with someone as incapable of feeding himself as Jinyoung who manages to burn down to ashes even a pack of ramen, has taught him a few tricks. However, now that Jaebum is standing next to him and they’re carefully inspecting the contents of the younger’s fridge, Mark feels like doesn’t remember anything anymore, not even his own name, as the scent of Jaebum’s shampoo and shower gel is creeping into his nostrils, the soft, yet characteristic smell becoming warmly familiar.

“These need to go.” He finally says to distract himself, seeing a few rotten vegetables in the fridge and taking them to the garbage can.

“This too.” Jaebum almost gags after sipping a bit of the milk that was left there for almost a month. Five minutes later, they’re both in a huge dilemma, because you can’t really make anything worth being called lunch with what’s left in the fridge, and that’s an egg and a cheese stick. “I think we need to go shopping.”

Mark darts his stare at a clock on a wall, not sure if it’s okay to stay at Jaebum’s place for that long, considering that he slept here as well, but the latter seems to have a different opinion about this, putting a sheet of paper and a pen in his hands. “You seem like you have more experience with this, we need a grocery list.”

The elder raises his eyebrows, wondering when they had become “we”, but doesn’t really mind it, sitting down and quickly scribbling what he thinks they need for a simple dish of spaghetti. Jaebum doesn’t even spare a glance at that list, honestly, Mark could’ve written “500 birthday candles” or “14 packs of napkins” and he would probably still have thought it’s alright.

When they finally end up in the nearest shopping mall, it has this feel as if they are a couple that has been married for the last twenty-five years, Mark picking up the ingredients as they’re walking down the aisles and rolling his eyes, whenever he needs to take out the ridiculous stuff Jaebum sneaks into the shopping cart.

(“We don’t need a can of tuna, Jaebum.” The latter only smiles and takes a sharpie out of what seems a thin air, correcting the tuna label into “Tuan” and Mark has to stuff his face into the sauce shelf to stop his laughing fit.)

A little of bit of awkwardness finds its way into the atmosphere when they need to pay for everything they took, with both of the guys taking their bank cards at the same time and a very confused cashier, who doesn’t know whose card she should take.

“I can pay, I don’t mind.” Mark shrugs, trying to look careless, but he feels ridiculously shy all of a sudden.

“I don’t mind paying either.” Jaebum mumbles, looking a bit awkward as well.

And in the end, there’s nothing a round of rock paper scissors wouldn’t solve, even though the cashier and other people waiting in the line give them some weird stares. Mark ends up paying, but the younger immediately returns him half of the money as soon as they move away with shopping bags in their hands.

The scene starts to seem more and more grossly domestic when they return home and finally start cooking. Mark finds himself being slightly distracted by Jaebum wearing a sleeveless shirt, and he can’t tell if it’s on purpose, but the younger’s arms looks _damn fine_ when he’s cutting vegetables while Mark himself is entrusted with cooking the noodles.

They don’t speak much, aside a few _can you pass me the pepper_ and _where do you keep your pots,_ but it feels somehow comfortable. This definitely feels like a good kind of silence, showing nothing but the fact that they’re getting used to each other’s presence. The only louder interruption is a radio silently playing in the background and Jaebum, humming along under his breath.

Mark gets so immersed in the younger humming, it becoming a soft and silent singing, that the doesn’t notice how boiling water spills over the edges of the pot, splashing everywhere and burning his palm, what is met by a whimper and a hiss.

Jaebum appears next to the elder in an instant, Mark’s palm now in his, carefully inspecting the possible wound, but it’s not as bad as it seems – only a few redder spots on the hand where the water splashed, but nothing serious.

“Put this under running water and there’s a pack of band-aids in the shelf above the sink in the bathroom.” Jaebum orders, voice strict and confident that the elder will comply without any protests. “On the other hand, no, let me do that.”

It feels weird, Mark has to admit, having the younger softly rubbing some ointment on his burn and putting a band-aid on it, everything executed so precisely, but caringly at the same time, it actually reminds him of how his mother used to treat his injuries when he was a child.

“Thanks.” He almost stutters when Jaebum is done, feeling incredibly shy. “You look like you’re used to do this.”

“I am.” Jaebum answers, but his reply is barely audible and something is running through his eyes, but Mark doesn’t manage catch it before it’s gone and soon the guy returns to chopping vegetables.

They try to save what’s left from their meal, noodles being soggy and basically a porridge from overcooking, but they still sit down with forks in their hands, determined to stuff it in their mouths even if they both stop after the first bite. It’s bland, basically tasteless because they forgot the salt, and carrots are obviously not properly cooked, but they continue chewing in silence again, both of the guys drowning in their own thoughts.

“Why public safety management out of all things?” Jaebum suddenly asks and Mark for a second has to think what he is even talking about, before realizing that the younger is talking about his major. “What do you even do with a major like that?”

Mark just shrugs in response, because he doesn’t really know how to explain it, mostly since half of the students of their major are unofficially named as “those who failed police academy entrance exams”, him not being an exception.

“My father was a policeman before he retired, so they all expected me to follow his path, just that I failed my exams. I’m not a very good runner, so that score dragged down everything else in my entrance exam and I didn’t make it.” He explains, but his voice doesn’t hold any bitterness to it, as he himself isn’t sure if he ever wanted to be a policeman. “And here we’re more of office workers, I guess? You can choose in which field you want to work, public health, fire departments, and such. I chose police, and so far the biggest achievement of my internship was to draw some kind of security plan for some demonstration, like a map where people should stand so that nobody gets hurt. Stuff like that.”

Jaebum understandingly nods, eyes glimmering in genuine curiosity. “So you don’t, like, run after criminals, don’t investigate stuff?”

Mark smiles, swallowing another bite of that terrible dish. “No, I already told you, I’m not a policeman. Yeah, we work in a police station as they do, well at least some of us, but that’s it. The only connection with the actual police workers you can get is having friends that are policemen or are training to be them.”

“And do you?”

“A few.” The elder replies. “But why are you so curious, are you planning to bribe me into letting you slide with something?

Jaebum shakes his head. “I’m just interested, that’s all. You seem like a person who doesn’t like all that action stuff, guns, loud noises, so I wondered why did you choose a career like this.”

“What about you, though? Why,” Mark makes a little pause, words “ _why being a camboy_ ” so close to escaping his tongue. “Why photography and a bunch of unrelated electives?”

“They aren’t unrelated. A good photographer has to be familiar with every possible side of life, let it be literature, astronomy, whatever – I even had biology and economics as my electives once. You need to understand the world around you before trying to capture it. That’s not always possible though, you’re bound to get stuck and take guesses, but at least I can stay true to myself.”

“True to yourself?”

“I don’t like to lie to myself.” Jaebum slowly says and there’s a noticeable drop in the mood. “If I don’t know something, then I just don’t. If I can’t do something, then I just can’t. Just like that day I offered you to go out with me – I could’ve promised you cotton candy and rainbows, but that wouldn’t be something I could pull off and I didn’t want to lie to you. I don’t lie through my photos, trying to capture everything as it is, I don’t lie through my words either.”

Mark feels a bit taken aback by the unexpected mention of that day – he thought that Jaebum is on his way to forgetting about it. They don’t touch the topic anymore as the younger quickly starts talking about something else, and they start discussing some professor who apparently has classes in both of their universities but Mark is absent-minded.

Somehow, he starts wondering how it would feel like to be in a relationship with Im Jaebum, this human puzzle who contradicts himself with every breath he takes. Honestly, Mark could get used to this domestic setting, them cooking together or going shopping, even waking up in the morning and finding the younger sitting on the floor with his homework again. But this kind of relationship also has a dark side, that, even though is slightly luring Mark in to some extent, is also scary. It just doesn’t seem right, it feels off. Just like Jaebum’s explanations of why he’s doing it.

His thoughts are interrupted by the latter’s phone ringing, a loud tune of some popular song going off and echoing through the entire kitchen. Mark snaps back to reality just in time to see how Jaebum’s face changes as he sees the ID of the caller, eyes closing and him taking a deep breath before answering.

“Yes?” His voice also sounds different, it’s much more dull and emotionless, like he’s wishing for the conversation to be over as soon as possible. A lot of emotions run through his face as he’s listening, and Mark sees Jaebum’s expression becoming stiff as he says, “Yes, I understand.” It’s obvious that it takes some effort for him to be able to say the following words when Mark is sitting right in front of him. “What— What should I wear?”

And then it clicks in the elder’s mind, the caller, the conversation, and suddenly he feels cold, as if the temperature in the room would’ve dropped a few degrees. Jaebum finally puts his phone down and doesn’t say anything for a while, keeping his stare focused on his half-empty plate. “I… I need to go to… work. Do you need a ride home?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that I'm finally able to breathe after Mark and Jaebum slaying me with their teasers for two days in a row, let's have some weird domesticity with angst floating around ready to slam us all in the faces lmao  
> i think i should tag it with a slow build tbvh  
> [edit] jyp actually knows when i post and then decides to give us markbum teasers i'm flipping  
> jk lmao
> 
> as always, comments are very welcomed!


	7. Chapter 7

Needless to say, Mark refuses that ride home.

It’s nothing personal, or at least that’s what he tries to convince himself with while walking this ridiculous distance back home, since Jaebum lives on the other side of the city. Mark stops in the middle of some bridge out of breath, hearing cars and buses passing by in a late evening rush; loud noise of motorbikes is drilling into his brain, but his eyes can’t focus on anything. Everything seems like a red, furious blur.

He doesn’t even know _what_ makes him so angry, so cold and frustrated. Maybe it’s the fact that the day was going so well, that for a second he could’ve believed that something good might come out of this, and then it was put to an end just like that, with a phone call. Maybe it was because he never expected to be dragged back to reality so quickly and without a warning, Jaebum being a camboy and having some _responsibilities_ that come with it blowing up in his face so suddenly. Or perhaps, it was the strained face of the younger, the way he basically shrank in his chair clutching onto his phone. The way he looked _sorry_ about Mark hearing the conversation.

Mark doesn’t know, he doesn’t know anything at this moment, and it frustrates him beyond words, as he’s leaning over the railing of the bridge, looking at the dark water of Han River beneath him, and hoping to breathe his emotions out before Jinyoung reads him like an open book back at home. The latter has always told that Mark is carrying a heart made out of feathers, so easy to break and blow away. Probably that’s the reason why he always becomes the butt of the jokes about not being able to handle a one night stand without getting emotionally broken.

But Im Jaebum isn’t even _that_ – nothing has ever happened between them aside from those terrible camboy jokes, that infamous broadcast Mark still sometimes dreams in his nightmares and today, this weird domesticity of a Saturday afternoon. And yet, he feels like he’s incapable of letting it go, because maybe, just _maybe_ , he has already started to harbor some certain warmth for the younger guy, who was dressed in a fine black suit, hair pushed back and traces of eyeliner outlining his eyes when Mark left the apartment.

There was a tinge of uncertainty in Jaebum’s “bye”, whispered almost inaudibly when he was walking the elder out. It was almost like he tried to test whether Mark is still talking to him, but the latter honestly doesn’t remember if he replied, sprinting towards the elevator. It was stupid and childish, Mark knows, but at that moment he didn’t know how to deal with all the emotions that were flooding his head.

When he finally returns home, another two hours later and with hurting legs to accompany his half-broken heart, Jinyoung is lying on the sofa, the sound of TV broadcasting some romantic comedy being a bit too loud for Mark’s liking, and crunching his chips even louder. Everything seems irritating  now – even the younger’s curious stare, that one is _exceptionally_ annoying, but he doesn’t say anything, just mumbles something that should pass as a greeting. However, Jinyoung is having none of it.

“What’s with the long face?” He asks with the usual humor in his voice, and Mark mentally sighs, seeing a few crumbs escaping his chin and falling on the sofa. “And you owe me for this morning, I almost got a heart attack.”

“Sad, isn’t it.” Mark spits out, words a tad bit harsher than he actually intends, and his flatmate frowns. “And stop eating here, I’m not a maid to clean after you.”

Jinyoung still tries to let it slide, because come on, everyone has some bad days every once in a while and it’s nothing to be angry about, lightheartedly joking, “Well someone looks like he didn’t get laid last night.”

And then something in Mark explodes. In his very own way, you can’t even call that exploding from the capital E, because all he spits out is orders. “Keep your nose out of my business. And what’s with you staying up with junk food, don’t you have any homework to do for next week? Or better, get your ass to sleep, so you wouldn’t be late again, if you don’t want to get expelled for skipping classes.”

Jinyoung stares at him taken aback, turning the TV off and leaving them in deadly silence.

“First of all, you’re not my mother, so don’t order me around. Second, it’s not even 9 PM on a Saturday evening, and I don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow. Third, who the fuck rained on your parade?”

Mark sighs again, already feeling guilty for lashing out at a person who has absolutely nothing to do with the mess in his brain. He plops on the sofa next to the younger, leaning his already hurting head against Jinyoung’s shoulder and closing his eyes. The younger doesn’t say anything – he would like to pretend to be insulted or hurt, but he understands that something is bothering his friend, they didn’t live together for almost three years for nothing.

“I’m sorry.” Mark mumbles, feeling slightly embarrassed. “It’s just… The day isn’t going exactly how I expected it to go.”

“No problem, man.” Jinyoung replies. “Want to talk about it? Boys night with a bunch of burnt popcorn and slightly too many drinks, planning how to kill the person who hurt you? You know, like the good old times, when we both weren’t crushed by deadlines and papers, and I wasn’t a lit major with an F from three of my classes.”

Mark slightly chuckles – Jinyoung never failed to make him laugh ever since they met when the younger was the only one who responded to his ad in university’s bulletin board about having a free room in this flat. However, he shakes his head. “No, thanks. Not a thing I’d like to talk about.”

“Is it Jaebum?” The question is knowing, like always, and besides, it probably doesn’t take a genius to add two and two. But when Mark doesn’t reply, his flatmate stands up saying, “I get it if you don’t want to talk it out, but just calm down before thinking about it, okay? No offense, but you don’t make rational decisions when you’re emotional. I’ll be in my room if you need a shoulder to cry on or something.”

Mark nods, sinking back into one of the pillows on their sofa, arms wrapped around his knees and slightly biting his lips – an obvious sign that he’s lost and nervous. He would like to follow Jinyoung’s advice and think about it when his thoughts settle down, but there’s something about Jaebum, something that doesn't allow to wait until everything calms down.

To him, Jaebum seems like a loose thread, inviting to pull it as a mischievous child would, but not revealing what will actually happen when you do it. And Mark doesn’t know if he _wants_ to find out – for all he knows, Im Jaebum could’ve been containing all the world’s happiness and sadness in himself at the same time, and that might’ve been not for everyone to see and handle.

Mark knows that he’s probably overreacting and imagining things, theories and scenarios popping up in his head; at first comedic and hilarious even, but later they get more and more mortifying, one more terrible than another, and he starts to feel like slamming his head into the nearest wall out of frustration and worry.

It’s a reach, he’s fully aware of it, when he’s searching for his phone, hands slightly shaking from uneasiness about what he’s going to do, but his fingers shuffle through the contact list pretty swiftly, quickly finding the name he needs.

“Better be something important.” Echoes on the other side of the line, Youngjae’s rough and sleepy voice cracking in the middle of the sentence. “Well that went from intimidating to zero pretty quick. Anyway, what’s up, hyung? I have an early morning shift tomorrow, so please just be short and specific, I’m trying to sleep.”

“I need a favor.” Mark says after a pause, already feeling something inside poking him to give up and end this conversation before it turned into something really, really bad.

“What kind of favor?”

Youngjae is silent as the elder is trying to explain what’s going on without disclosing too many details, and when Mark finishes his request, there’s only an awkward silence buzzing in his ear. “Do you have, like… Uhh… A court order or something I could work with?” Youngjae finally says after a few moments.

“Don’t be ridiculous. If I had one, I’d take care of it myself.”

“You _do_ know, that it’s very creepy at the best, and very illegal at the worst case scenario, if not both, do you?”

“I know, but…” Mark says, trying to make his voice as cutesy as possible to move his friend’s heart. “Pretty please?”

It seems like Youngjae falls for it, breaking the rules and regulations being in his blood probably ever since he was born. “All I ever wanted was a hyung _I_ could pester and make ridiculous requests to, but instead I got you. Okay okay, I’ll see what I can do, but you owe me. And pray that we wouldn’t get caught, I’m not sure if I want to go to jail for this.”

 

That night, Jaebum finds himself tangled in some ridiculously white bedsheets. His wrists are burning thanks to the rough material of a tie his hands are tied to a bed with, but hey, it also has a bright side – at least he doesn’t have to do anything, just fake a few moans feeling these lazy bites on his thighs that will definitely leave marks. He slightly turns his head to the side, seeing his “colleague” on another bed rolling her eyes after her client blurts some lovey dovey nonsense about making her see the stars, and has to clench his jaw, trying to contain his helpless laugh.

The only way for them to see the stars is either to look up at the sky while walking home after one of these parties, where filthily rich famous people do even filthier things, or just die and hope that they will go to heaven thanks to some weird fortuity. Other than that, trapped in a bed of a private hotel suite with an older man on himself and feeling slightly grossed out by the scent of all the bodily fluids mixing together, because it’s probably the third or fourth round by now (and only the second one with the same man), Jaebum thinks that stars seem almost as distant as love.

He always was what you’d call all rules and protocols – responding to kisses if the client insisted, but never going deep enough so that it would mean something; whispering those fluffy sweet nothings, because he has a way with words, but they’re never profound enough to be sincere; fleeting touches, never soft enough to be taken seriously. To Jaebum, it’s just work. It pays, and that’s all that matters.

He lets out a weird sound, neither a growl nor a hiss, when he feels the man lining his cock against his hole, but it’s definitely not a moan of pleasure and the client asks, whispering the words somewhere near his ear, “Is everything okay, baby?”

You wouldn’t tell a person, who is willing to throw money just to have some fun with you, that your ass is already too sore to handle another round and that you forgot to feed your cat, so she definitely will piss in your slippers, would you?

Jaebum doesn’t, either.

“Yeah.”

It doesn’t take long, though he counts every second spent with his head in between the client’s legs, hands still tied, but this time behind his back, and tongue trying to catch all the bits of cum the man releases, because that’s the request. He doesn’t feel anything at all, rubbing his wrists when they’re finally freed from the ties, trying to bring them back to life.

Jaebum asks if it’s okay if he uses the shower here before he goes, trying not to look at some pairs, or even bigger groups of people, still having sex while he’s trying to find his way. He quickly washes up, doing everything as fast as possible, not wanting to spend any more time here.

He mentally curses, when the same man, his sugar daddy if you will, stops him before opening the door of the room, saying, “Good work today, as expected.”

“Thanks?” He doesn’t know what else to say, he and that man doesn’t have anything in common to talk about, aside some _how was your day,_ when Jaebum has to push him back on the bed, slowly undressing him and pretending that he cares, or talks about the payment after it’s all done.

And this night is not an exception, the older man is not even blinking at Jaebum’s very obvious sarcasm. “I’ll transfer the money to the usual account by the end of this week. Take some rest, kitten, I’ll be off for a business meeting next week, so we won’t meet.”

Jaebum has to close his eyes so they wouldn’t roll into his skull. He doesn’t even hate the fact he was dragged into a god damn orgy tonight as much as he despises the nickname. There’s something very off-putting about it, but he can’t neither determine what nor openly complain about it, so he just smiles with a worn out smile and leaves.

It’s raining outside, a very cold and sad autumn rain at 3:49 AM, according to the clock on his wrist. Jaebum decides to take a walk instead of catching a cab, hoping that the water around him will clear his messy mind at least a little bit. At first, satisfied by the raindrops drenching his hair, he doesn’t notice a silhouette sitting on a bench on the other side of the street, but when he finally does, the silhouette doesn’t notice him. He lets out a little smile, looking around to make sure it’s safe to cross the road.

Mark lifts his head only when Jaebum puts up an umbrella above his head, surprised by the unexpected dryness. His clothes are drenched wet, a black hoodie he‘s wearing probably completely ruined by water, and his eyes are feverishly sparkling, as if he caught a cold.

“I could sue, you know.” Jaebum says, sitting down. “For stalking and such.”

“Yeah, but while filing the lawsuit you’d also have to state the circumstances and reveal that you’re a camboy _and_ a prostitute. Thought that one through.” Mark responds, sounding even humorous considering the given situation, and the younger chuckles in defeat.

“Touché.”

Mark doesn’t say anything for a while, only tracing the facial features of the guy next to him with his eyes. Jaebum looks slightly pale and tired, dark circles even more evident under the bright light of the streetlamps, but what actually catches his attention is the lip corner of the younger’s, a bit swollen and covered by small bits of blood.

“What’s that?”

“What’s what?” Jaebum tries to guess where Mark is looking, brushing his fingers against his cheek to find the right spot. “Oh, that. Scratched myself with a watch while trying to get my shirt back on, nothing serious.” He probably sees Mark’s stare if he feels the urge to add, “It’s nothing you probably think about. I’m not being beaten up, seriously, don’t worry.”

They sit in silence, both unsure of what to say, Jaebum almost falling asleep from exhaustion, unknowingly resting his head on the elder’s shoulder under the umbrella. “How did you know I’m here?”

“A friend in the police department I’m doing my internship in. I gave him your number and he tracked your location.”

Jaebum isn’t mad, contrary to what Mark was expecting all this time, he just blankly says, “Knew that I should put it on private. Then at least you would’ve had to shed some sweat trying to reach my service provider. You’re an idiot though.”

“I was worried.”

“About what?”

The elder makes a pause before saying anything, but then he decides to spill everything as it is, words unfiltered and honest. “I saw your face when you answered that call, and it didn’t seem like you were looking forward to what was supposed to happen. I started thinking about… things.”

Jaebum shakes his head, however, unexpectedly touched by this concern. “Mark, listen. There’s nothing atrocious going on where I was, well at least it’s not absolutely terrible. Nothing dangerous, nothing I myself wouldn’t give my consent for. Yeah, it might not be the way I wish to spend my Saturday evenings, but please stop coming up with these ridiculous scenarios.”

“Then why? Why do you keep doing it, if that’s not the way you wish to spend your time?”

Jaebum darts his stare at the ground, the grayness of the pavement seeming much more convenient to look at rather than answering, and Mark changes his question, deciding not to force the answer out of his lips. “How would you like to spend a Saturday evening, then?”

It seems out of the blue, but it gets Jaebum thinking. He never had much freedom in choosing how he would like to spend his time; most of his free time is spent while studying or taking photos, so he thinks for a while before answering. “I don’t know. A movie and takeout food would be nice. Maybe some wine with it. You… You’re also welcomed. Basically, what we did yesterday, just except cooking. _Definitely_ not cooking.”

“Why me?” is the last thing Mark asks that night, the question that’s been burning his lips and brain for the past weeks finally escaping into the night. “Why me, out of all people?”

“I don’t know.” Jaebum shrugs, shivering from a few unexpected drops of water sneaking their way through under his shirt. “You seem normal.”

“Thanks?” the elder’s reply makes him laugh, because it’s almost the same intonation he used minutes ago inside that hotel. Mark gives him a puzzled look, as if checking if he’s still sane, but he doesn’t address it.

Instead, he continues. “Yeah, you’re normal. I’m constantly surrounded by dirty things – politicians who cheat on their wives, businessmen who are willing to throw millions of wons at people like me, but don’t pay salaries to their employees. Even _I_ am a dirty thing. And sometimes… A heart wants a change of the atmosphere, you know.”

Usually, Mark wouldn’t fancy being described as a “change of the atmosphere”, but that night he doesn’t mind. What he sees next to him is a very tired twenty-two year old, suddenly looking so small and fragile, weak and defenseless. And all he says to this is, “I hope you don’t mind the atmosphere changing from my living room to the bedroom.”

“What?” Honestly, it’s a rare thing to shock Jaebum, considering everything he has seen, but somehow Mark doesn’t fail at it, not at all.

“You’re sleeping at mine’s tonight.” The elder explains, trying to find his phone to call a taxi company. Jaebum opens his mouth, most likely to oppose, but is mercilessly cut off. “Shut up before I change my mind.”

And that’s how they end up together, both literally and figuratively; a very sleepy Jinyoung, who woke up to pee, getting extremely surprised by this unexpected guest at the crack of dawn.

Even Jaebum himself feels a bit weird when they finally are ready to collapse into Mark’s bed, his muscles sore and tired, but yet stiff upon knowing that the elder is there, alive and breathing, just a few centimeters away from him, wondering whether he should set an alarm clock or not.

Next morning Mark thinks it’s quite adorable, Jaebum being nothing but a human koala, arms wrapped around the elder so tightly, as if trying to secure that he won’t disappear like a very vivid dream.

Mark thinks that things between them might work out after all, that there shouldn’t be any bumps on the road to successfully talking Jaebum out of his job and convincing him to start a new life with a decent occupation.

As if.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some things to address:  
> i have no idea how this turned into semi-smut without Mark even participating, excuse me, but I think we all needed to have some 101 on the specific's of Jaebum's work.  
> And they finally got some closure, I wonder where that will take them, because I honestly have no idea myself
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked it, and comments are always welcomed!!


	8. Chapter 8

Jaebum gets embarrassed about letting his guard down while sleeping, waking up with his arms so tight around Mark’s body, it’s obvious. There’s this pinkish tint that’s been coloring the younger’s cheeks ever since he got up, and Jaebum is clearly avoiding eye contact, but Mark doesn’t really notice – they’re both dead tired with only five hours of sleep, Mark even less, because he couldn’t fall asleep at all, thinking about what he has gotten himself into.

Sure, it’s still not official yet that they’re in a relationship, as none of them said that out loud, and Mark is not yet sure about even _wanting_ to be in one. Mostly because the sight he saw last night was making him uneasy – Jaebum, barely awake and all fucked out resting his head on his shoulder and refusing to talk about anything related to what’s happening. Mark feels unsure whether his heart can handle this happening again and again repeatedly, but at the same time, as he looks at Jaebum trying to carry two bowls of cereal he just made, he knows that the younger has another side to him, a side he wants to explore and bring back to the surface.

“Thanks.” Jaebum says, sitting down in front of him. His voice is silent like he wouldn’t want to wake up Jinyoung, who’s still sleeping just a wall away from the kitchen, but Mark has a feeling in his guts that it also might be because of something else. “For taking me here.”

“No problem.” Mark actually doesn’t want to talk about it much too, as he’s not quite sure what to say.

Surprisingly, Jaebum continues, unexpectedly open and honest, “It’s just really… Unusual? Having someone take me to their bedroom without any intention to fuck me, you know? It’s weird, but good kind of weird.” Suddenly he gets flustered, lowering his head as if planning to drown himself in the cereal, so that Mark wouldn’t notice it. “Ignore me, I don’t know what I’m saying.”

For a while they eat in silence, focusing on their food and in Mark’s opinion Jaebum looks rather cute – hair disheveled and spiking in ridiculous angles, eyes still half-closed and sleepy. He’s wearing Mark’s shirt and the latter thinks it’s kind of weird to have the younger already knowing where to find spare clothes, towels or anything for that matter. But he thinks he doesn’t hate this fact - not at all.

Jaebum smiles, as if remembering something really funny and Mark can’t help his curiosity. “What’s so funny?”

And then his cuteness drops to incredible lows, Mark decides, as the younger’s smile turns into a smug smirk. “Nothing, just honored that you stare at me that often. It’s unsettling and creepy, but hilarious.”

The elder only sighs, cheeks red in embarrassment about getting caught, so he tries to change the topic, asking, “What’s the plan for today?”

“Depends on whether you want to be involved or not.”

“What if I don’t?” somehow, Mark’s answer gets miscalculated and a lot more daring and harsher than it was meant to be. “I didn’t mean it in that way, just—“

“If you don’t, I probably will just go home and study for my midterms, watch a movie or two and then sleep for the rest of the day. I have a week off.” Jaebum shrugs, completely unfazed neither by Mark’s question nor the apologies.

The latter decides not to address his working schedule just yet. “And what if I do want to get involved?”

Jaebum’s lip corners tug up in a mischievous grin, and for a second Mark thinks that he’s going to joke about something camboy related again, but the younger’s eyes become longing, the same kind of longing like that night Mark had a sleepover at his place. “Remember when we talked about places that aren’t for everyone to see and you asked where’s mine?”

Mark indeed does remember that conversation, it’s hard to forget a thing that made his mind buzz so feverishly, lost in Jaebum’s puzzling explanations, so he nods, unsure of where this is going. “Yeah.”

“So I thought… I could take you there today.” Jaebum finishes, surprising Mark yet again.

“Do you really want that, though?” He says. “When I asked, didn’t you tell me that it would ruin the purpose of that place, other people knowing about it?”

“Other people know it anyway, I’m sure you’ve actually heard bits about it, too.” Jaebum lets out a laugh, taking his empty bowl to the sink and greeting Jinyoung, who finally gets out of his bed to join them for breakfast. “The meaning of some places doesn’t depend on how many people know about it. It’s all about what you feel there and what kind of people you bring together.”

Mark wants to ask what kind of a person he appears to be to Jaebum, but doesn’t open his mouth as Jinyoung interrupts them demanding to know what is going on – why they have an unexpected guest and why they’re out of milk. Needless to say, he doesn’t get any answers about the first one.

 

“Remind me again, why did I agree to this?” Mark sighs, feeling slightly out of breath from walking so much.

Jaebum suggested this crazy idea of them not taking a car or any kind of public transportation there and walking by feet instead. At first, Mark agreed and was even excited about a small trip, but turns out it’s not a small trip _at all_ – it’s their second hour of walking and they’re still not anywhere close.

“Because you’re a nosy human being, trying to get to know me before attempting to brainwash me into believing the same things you do?” Jaebum’s response is humorous and he doesn’t seem tired at all. If anything, he looks even happy, with a wide smile on his face and it fits him, Mark concludes, it makes him so much more attractive and approachable than his usual cold demeanor he likes to hide behind. “That, or you just like adventures.”

The elder scoffs, rolling his eyes. “How far are we from that mysterious place?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never walked there from this side of the city. Feels like I got us lost, so I’m just walking wherever in hopes to remember the way.” Jaebum responds and Mark stares at him scandalized. “I’m just messing with you, jeez. Stop getting your panties twisted over every other word, we’re near.”

Mark just shakes his head, slightly grumpy about the distance they have to walk. They barely talk, letting the noise of cars passing by in a midday rush swallow their voices, but he likes this feeling. It reminds him of the moments in Jaebum’s kitchen, that pleasant silence that didn’t need to be filled with unnecessary words.

He snaps out of the memories when Jaebum unexpectedly grabs his hand, making Mark turn to him with a surprised expression on his face, but the younger simply raises his eyebrow and explains, “You were so deep in your thoughts, you started to walk straight into the road. Sorry, you’re not going to die in a car accident on my watch. What are you thinking about so intensely, though?”

Mark isn’t planning on dishing out that all he’s been thinking about ever since they left home is none other than him, so he asks, “How many years more will we have to walk?”

Jaebum reaches his hand out and points at something in front of them. “We’re almost there.”

At first, Mark thinks that the younger is just teasing him once again, but when he looks at Jaebum, he realizes that it’s not a joke. “We walked for nearly three hours so you would bring me to look at a _bridge_?”

“Yeah.”

Mark starts helplessly laughing in confusion as he reads the road sign. “Mapo Bridge? Isn’t that the one with probably the highest suicide rates in the entire country? Is this your secret place?”

Jaebum’s face is angelically calm as he presses his fingers against Mark’s lips, saying, “Shut up, and look as we go.”

He must be crazy, the elder decides, watching him walking on the side that’s nearer the railing of the bridge and gesturing Mark to follow. Jaebum walks in silence, steps slow and his mind concentrated on something, as he’s brushing his fingers against the cold white metal. And then, a step after step, Mark notices.

The entire railing, countless meters of it have words painted on, letters creating various sentences that unknowingly make Mark’s swirling thoughts stop and his racing heart calm down. _“Don’t be upset”_ one sentence says, _“What are you worried about?”_ asks another. _“Even if you don’t say it, I know”_ , _“Have you eaten?”_ , _“The sun will rise tomorrow”_ , _“You’re important”_ , _“Don’t go just yet”_ – these and many other sentences are painted black on white. There are also other notes, written by people with permanent markers, short letters and wishes.

Jaebum is slightly smiling as he’s watching Mark’s reaction. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

Mark slowly nods, unsure of what else to say and how to find the courage to ask those thousands of questions that are starting to buzz in his head yet again, so he settles with a relatively simple, “Those words… Why are they written here?”

“Like you said, it’s a bridge with the highest suicide rates in the entire South Korea.” Jaebum explains. “So the government came up with this, thinking that some nice words will help people to rethink their decisions once they read them. And it actually works – sometimes it’s all you need for the moment. You know that someone cares to write them and it’s enough, really. Enough to make you turn around and continue with your day.”

The elder silently listens to all that trying to remain calm and think things through without making rash decisions and drawing rushed conclusions. “So that’s why you come here, for it to help you push through the day?”

Jaebum stops, leaning over the railing to look at the dark water of Han River. He’s weakly smiling and Mark stands by his side following his gaze, however, he doesn’t seem anything significant there, just a few waves that are rushing to crash somewhere.

“I’m not suicidal,” the younger feels the urge to clarify, “Hell, I sometimes even feel happy, so stop looking at me like you’re expecting me to jump any second, Mark. It’s just… Sometimes it’s just nice to feel that someone cares, you know? Even if you actually feel okay and you’re just passing by without any other intentions, it gives this extra reassurance. Sometimes you meet other people, especially at night, and you know what they came here for. Your eyes meet for a second, and…” Jaebum stops for a while, as if it would be hard to talk. “They smile to you, and they walk away. Even if those words grant them only one day, they walk away to think things through. I think that’s great, actually.”

“People do care.” Mark softly says, resting his hand on the guy’s shoulder. “I… I care, too.”

Jaebum doesn’t turn his head, he doesn’t look at the elder at all, the smile on his lips becoming a bit sad when words escape his lips. “Is it because you think I’m just another broken soul that needs to be saved? Is that why you’re doing all this?”

Mark gets a bit defensive, since Jaebum’s tone seems sharp and somewhat accusing, “All _what_?”

“Bringing me to your place just to make sure I get proper sleep and meals, that stunt with tracking me down. You’re risking your ass for me, and I don’t want you to do that if it’s just your hero complex talking.”

“I don’t have a hero complex.” Mark denies, but he’s aware of the fact that Jaebum’s words do have a point. Even he himself still doesn’t fully understand why the younger is affecting him like that – making him worry over everything, but putting him at ease with a slightest smile. “It’s just that I don’t think your… Job, let’s call it like that, does any good for you.”

“It feeds me and pays my tuition, how’s that no good.”

“There are plenty of other jobs that would do exactly the same. Maybe not to the point you’d be able to rent this kind of flat on your own like you do now, but you’d still survive.” Mark notes.

But Jaebum simply shrugs as if it doesn’t really bother him. “True, but when you do something for a very long time and go as far as I’ve gone, it’s not really easy to turn around and go back. Not to mention that nobody would let me go just like that.”

“When did you start?”

Jaebum thinks for a while as if would be hard to remember, but after a few moments he opens his mouth in an uncertain, “Three years ago? I’ve been a camboy ever since I turned legal, and then _he_ found me last year.”

“Why are you doing this, if you don’t mind me being nosy?” Mark asks, but the younger gives him anything but answers.

“Ask whatever you want, but not that.”

Jaebum is now smiling at some dumb seagulls that sometimes pass by them and when he’s done looking around and playing with birds, teasing them with a piece of cookie they bought in a convenience store on their way here, he turns to Mark with a wide smile again, as if the previous conversation would have never happened. “You want to go home or stay here for a little more?”

“We can go, if you want to. I don’t really mind staying either, though.”

“I guess we should go then.” Jaebum’s voice trails off and the continuation that follows makes Mark want to wail. “There’s about a mile to walk if we want to reach the end of it.”

They fall into silence yet again, as the younger’s mind is obviously wandering somewhere away from this bridge and maybe even farther, and Mark is busy muttering curses under his breath, because his legs feel like they would be set on fire. He doesn’t notice when Jaebum wordlessly stops, making Mark bump into him.

“What’s wrong?” Mark ask tiredly, looking around for an explanation of their unexpected stop.

“I can’t hear my own thoughts because of you cursing.” Jaebum’s voice echoes with some certain humor to it. “So stop whining and hop on, I’ll carry you back.”

The elder doesn’t move, astonished by the suggestion. “Are you crazy?”

“Yeah, sometimes I think so. Hurry up, we don’t have the entire day.”

And Mark probably is crazy as well, because a few seconds later he finds himself trying to get at least a bit comfortable on Jaebum’s back, the latter slightly stumbling and trying to regain his balance back. A few people that are passing by give them weird stares, but none of them care – Jaebum is trying to figure out how not to plant them both into the pavement and Mark is trying to escape yet another avalanche of thoughts that is slowly creeping into his mind again.

Jaebum smells of his shower gel, but there’s something, Mark thinks, resting his chin on the younger’s shoulder, their cheeks pressed against each other, something that still makes it so distinctively _Jaebum_ , and for some weird reason, Mark feels like he likes it. However, Jaebum soon interrupt his thoughts, mumbling, “At this point I don’t know whether you’re trying to strangle me because you hate me that much or are you afraid that I’ll drop you. I barely can breathe.”

“Sorry.” Mark quickly loosens his grip. “You’re not the one to complain though, I thought I’ll need to get you surgically removed from me in the morning. Jinyoung probably would’ve made fun of us for the rest of the year.”

He can literally feel the heat that Jaebum’s cheeks emit as they’re flushing dark red upon being reminded of the incident. “I don’t know what happened, seriously, usually I’m not that clingy.”

“Don’t worry, it’s okay.” Mark says after a mere second of thought before adding, “I— I like it like that.”

“We sound sickeningly domestic right now.”

“True.” The elder agrees and demands to be put back on his own feet, mostly because he feels Jaebum being out of breath and notices him painfully wincing from back pain with every step he takes. It takes a while for Mark to ask, “So what are we now?”

“Depends on what you want us to be.”

“And what do _you_ want?”

Jaebum’s answer is simple as he’s trying to stretch out his hurting back and hissing from a slight pain shooting up his spine. “It doesn’t matter what I want, it never did. It’s whether you want to get together with someone like me or not. I’ve told you since the very beginning – I want to be around you, be that boring textbook boyfriend, but I probably won’t. Are you sure you want that?”

Mark’s answer doesn’t come in words. Suddenly this weird bravery starts boiling in his veins, and that second it seems like he wants everything Jaebum can give him, so he does the first dumb thing that comes to his head – and that’s stealing a chaste kiss from the younger’s lips, making the latter stop in surprise.

“The nerve.” Jaebum mumbles, all flustered, but it’s clear that he likes this turn of events, awkwardly clearing his throat before taking Mark’s hand into his.

 _“How was your day?”_ is the last sentence on the railing of the bridge Mark sees before they reach the end of it and he could say it was _pretty damn good_.

At that moment, he doesn’t care about camboys, broadcasts, he doesn’t even care that sooner or later that day will come when Jaebum says he needs to go to work. The world is tinted pink right now and nothing else matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that bridge i wrote about, it's real, haha, and probably one of the most weirdly (?) touching places i know. i tried to translate the things written on there as best as i could, but i don't remember all of them and photos are very unreliable since sometimes they don't contain full phrases, but i tried lmao.  
> anyway, markbum are official now, but for how long *drum rolls* we'll see.  
> i hope y'all are alive after the comeback and as always, comments are always welcomed


	9. Chapter 9

Mark isn’t stupid or naïve – his rose-tinted glasses disappear rather quickly, only in a few days. Im Jaebum definitely isn’t the easiest person to handle, and even though Mark was warned about it by the younger himself, their relationship sometimes doesn’t even remind him of a bumpy road – it’s miles of highway with potholes, through which they’re speeding trying to make up for all the time they wasted.

Jaebum is hot-blooded, incredibly opinionated and sometimes straight up an insensitive asshole, whereas Mark likes to think a few times before saying anything; before making even such small decisions like what kind movie they’re watching tonight, easily finding a neutral way through almost every argument (though even he can’t stand it one day, when Jinyoung and Jaebum get into a heated discussion about pineapple pizza. Jaebum can go fuck himself but there won’t be any pineapples on a pizza, not on Mark’s watch).

However, probably that’s the reason why they match pretty well, being the water to each other’s fire and hurricanes to each other's earths at the same time. So that particular evening, a bit more than a week after becoming a couple, they wind up at Mark’s, the latter’s flatmate being out of town with his bohemian writer friends for some festival.

Jaebum is immersed in one of his books that he brought along once again, one hand absent-mindedly running through his boyfriend’s hair, as Mark’s head is on his lap, the elder aimlessly shuffling through the channels on TV. Mark takes out his phone to scroll down his apps, for some reason feeling like he doesn’t fit the serious atmosphere that’s surrounding Jaebum. The latter doesn’t notice though, a small smile playing on his lips while his eyes are hurriedly running through the field of letters, completely immersed in another world – until his fingers accidentally wander away and slightly poke Mark’s eye.

“That’s it, I’m blind! Here goes my dreams and aspirations, I’m fucking _blind_.” He wails, dramatically pressing his fingers against his hurt and watering eye.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Jaebum snorts, putting the book away and placing his palms on Mark’s shoulders to sit him back on the sofa in attempt to inspect the real damage. “Your eye is a bit red, that’s literally it, you can keep reaching those dreams of yours. Sorry though, I just got carried away.”

Mark lets out a sulky sigh. “You completely disappear when you open a book. Are books really better than spending a Friday evening with your boyfriend?” Now he’s just teasing, but the younger seems up for the game.

“Would it be rude if I said yes?” Jaebum grins, reaching his hand out to brush away a strand of hair that’s getting into Mark’s eyes, making him look like a very adorable sulky child, but the latter slaps his palm.

“Then next time ask one of your books to kiss you.”

“We kissed, like, twice.”

That’s completely true, Jaebum isn’t one of those who would desperately yearn for skinship – one of the two (as he kindly has counted, apparently) kisses was quickly planted on Mark’s lips when they stayed at Jaebum’s place a few days ago and didn’t hear any alarm clocks the next morning, the elder feverishly running to his classes. It almost seemed like an accident, Jaebum unexpectedly kissing him goodbye.

The second one happened earlier today, when the younger took him from a very long day at the police station, where his internship supervisor yelled at him for good fifteen minutes about losing some stupid note that turned out to be on his own desk among all the trash he always keeps there. Mark was sitting in the passenger seat of Jaebum’s car, eyes closed and head leaned against the seat trying to get rid of all the negative emotions, when Jaebum brushed his lips against his as if trying to make his day better.

And Mark doesn’t mind this lack of closure, actually, even though he’s a lot clingier by nature, for now it’s enough – all that hand holding, lying in each other’s embrace. It feels calm, like floating, and Mark genuinely enjoys that, however, it’s in his nature to tease.

“Talk like that and it’ll stay that way.”

Jaebum just laughs at this empty threat, quickly sneaking his hand through Mark’s guard to finally brush away that wild strand stubbornly getting into his boyfriend’s eyes and leaning in to peck a light kiss somewhere near the elder’s eye, as if to kiss the pain away. “You sure?” He asks.

“Yeah.” Mark tries to sound confident, but fails utterly and his words are muffled by Jaebum’s tongue on his bottom lip, making him gasp in surprise.

“As if.”

Jaebum’s kisses are hot and fast, not leaving any time for both of them to breathe and when Mark starts thinking that this is it, they are going to suffocate from inability to get away from each other, the younger’s lips travel to his neck. It feels even hotter accompanied by the warm tickling of Jaebum’s breath and Mark lets out a shaky sound, neither a sigh nor a moan, when he feels his boyfriend’s teeth latching onto his skin, somewhat gently, but still enough to leave a red spot.

“What are you doing?” Mark asks, voice deeper and lower than always. Even if his brain is slowly becoming a puddle seeing Jaebum’s eyes covered in an uncharacteristically dark blur, the younger being so close, now on top of him as they fell back on the sofa, he can’t help but ask.

They’re a couple for like eight or nine days and while usually Mark doesn’t have anything against having sex this early into a relationship, truth is, he feels a bit worried. Worried about Jaebum, not wanting to bring up his occupation directly, but not wanting him to feel obliged to _work_ here to prove something either.

"What does it look like?” Jaebum’s voice is rough and raspy, colored with something Mark hasn’t really heard ever before, even during that broadcast. It’s lust, genuine pure lust, burning the elder’s wrists as he’s pinned down on the soft material of the sofa. “Unless you don’t want to, then it’s fine.”

Mark doesn’t answer, at least not in coherent words, just lifting his head to respond to his boyfriend’s kiss, squirming a bit to regain the control over his arms only to free Jaebum from his shirt. Nothing has really changed from the last time Mark saw him shirtless – his chest feels incredibly soft and smooth as Mark is running his fingers down in admiration. Soon, both of their shirts are somewhere on the floor, flying away accompanied by Mark’s pants, the latter feeling Jaebum’s teeth on his neck again and his warm hand running all the way down to Mark’s thighs.

It’s ridiculous how controlling Jaebum turns out to be, never having a say on these kind of things during his work hours and now rushing to use the opportunity. It’s not exactly comfortable to be pinned down on a small sofa with so little space for them both, Mark thinks, but he admits that he kind of likes it – he likes every hickey Jaebum leaves on him, and he also likes the way the younger’s fingers run down his back and into his boxers, tightly grabbing his ass and then, after a gasp, going all the way to the other side to stroke Mark’s dick.

“Fuck.” He breathes out through his teeth, Jaebum’s touches fleeting on his cock and slowly driving him crazy with need. However, Jaebum is also _that_ kind of person, teasing and making you beg, suddenly moving his hand and lips away from his boyfriend’s body with this dumb smirk on his face and Mark isn’t sure whether he wants to punch or kiss it away from his face.

“Funny you mention that, because that’s what’s about to happen.” Jaebum says, looking at the mess the elder is becoming under him and feeling some satisfaction out of the sight alone – Mark with his cheeks tinted red and eyes glimmering in heat; hair disheveled and some patches on his neck already turning slightly purplish.

“Then can we make it happen sometime this year?” Mark bites back and he lets loose, mind not really working anymore and suddenly _he_ is now the one on top of his boyfriend, hands sliding down his body as if searching for a treasure.

He gets scandalized that Jaebum is still with his jeans on, unbuckling the younger’s belt in seconds, hands fast and even skilled. The younger lets a moan escape into the room as Mark is now cupping his bulge through the material of his underwear, teasingly running his fingers up and down one by one, what makes Jaebum groan out an airy, “Stop teasing or—“

“Or what?” Mark whispers into his ear, trying to remove Jaebum’s underwear.

The latter lifts his hips up to ease the mission and seconds after Mark sees his cock, already hard. He doesn’t waste any more time, getting down on the dick with his mouth, making the younger moan out a series of curses, when he experimentally licks the tip of the cock. Mark only smirks, guessing it’s the right route, the younger’s hips uncontrollably jolting up to fuck his mouth, fingers buried in Mark’s hair.

Jaebum’s moans are just like his laugh – wild and unrestrained, and when Mark is bobbing his head, dragging his tongue against Jaebum’s length a bit too skillfully to match his innocent looks, the entire flat echoes with moans and sighs. It doesn’t take that long until Jaebum’s fist clenches around Mark’s hair forcing the latter’s head all the way down as he’s climaxing, releasing everything into his boyfriend’s mouth. It’s a bit hard for the latter to breathe, but he complies, trying to swallow it all, a few drips of cum escaping his mouth and dripping down on his chin, some left on his lip corners.

Jaebum doesn’t say anything, slightly out of breath, he simply sits up and kisses Mark, licking the white liquid away from the latter’s lip corner. “Good job, baby.” He says leaning back. “Time for a reward.”

And that “reward" brings them to Mark’s bedroom, bodies tangled together in yet another kiss while they’re stumbling to the destination drunk on their own passion, where the elder is going through the contents of his upper drawer to find what Jaebum asked him for – a bottle of lube and condoms.

Jaebum pushes his boyfriend on the bed, generously coating his fingers in lube and bringing them to Mark’s ass, teasing the rim of the latter’s asshole and making him groan in frustration before finally slipping one finger in – unceremoniously, roughly even, but Mark ignores the raw pain that is shooting up his spine and that Jaebum is trying to kiss away, as always being soft but rough at the same time, a walking contradiction.

Jaebum fucks him with his two fingers, having Mark both moaning and cursing at the agonizingly slow pace, and he only smiles at the elder’s pleas, even though the latter feels that if this continues he’ll cum even without his boyfriend’s dick inside him. However, Jaebum has other plans before giving in to the begging – he withdraws his fingers from Mark, bringing it to his mouth.

“Suck.” He orders and Mark does; he takes Jaebum’s fingers in, the same fingers that were inside him just moments ago and the younger has to take a moment to admire how hot Mark looks like that – near the edge, desperately sucking on fingers just to get that dick inside him. “Good boy.”

Using the opportunity that the elder is busy, Jaebum puts on a condom with his one hand, as he’s still fucking Mark’s mouth with another one. Mark hisses at the sudden feeling of his asshole being stretched out by Jaebum’s cock, biting the latter’s fingers in pain, but the younger doesn’t mind, slowly fucking the elder into the mattress to let him get used to the feeling.

“Faster.” Mark moans in pleasure, nails digging deep into Jaebum’s shoulders and undoubtedly leaving fresh marks, but none of them care, bodies becoming a mess with every thrust. Jaebum starts building up a faster and stronger pace, pounding into Mark with full force, and the latter arches his back so much it feels like it’s going to snap any second.

Luckily, Jaebum’s lips are there to muffle his moans and cries when he is finally climaxing, cum spilling all over their stomachs. The younger needs a few more thrusts to finish, cumming inside Mark.

They’re both breathless, bedsheets stained with a mix of both of their fluids and definitely ruined. Mark suddenly feels incredibly tired, and Jaebum only lightly smiles seeing the angelically calm face of his lover, as the latter doesn’t manage to wait before the he gets back from the shower, silently snoring curled up in a ball on the bed.

The younger tries to clean up the bed and the elder as much as possible without waking him up, still remembering where Mark keeps spare bedsheets, stubbornly performing his ritual to change it every time after sex. Only then he finally snuggles next to Mark, who’s mumbling something in his sleep, kissing the latter’s forehead, and closes his eyes, waiting for a restless sleep to finally take him away.

 

Mark wakes up unexpectedly. You can’t even call that waking up – his eyes crack open in panic feeling only the cold emptiness of his bed, his boyfriend absent. He frowns, uselessly slamming his hand on a nightstand a few times in search for a phone to check what time it is, but it isn’t there either, and Mark sits up in the bed, muscles slightly sore and tiredness lingering in his body, only to see a light coming from the kitchen.

Mark finds the closest piece of clothing next to himself and that his old T-shirt, one he hasn’t washed for like two years already and that’s a whole lot too big on him, but for that moment it’s supposed to be fine, cover him just enough to drag himself to the kitchen to find out why Jaebum is not sleeping.

The younger’s stare is aimlessly wandering around the room when Mark enters, and the latter immediately notices how tense he looks. He also spots a mobile phone in front of him, and his boyfriend’s stare that sometimes stops at the device, looking at it like at a poisonous spider that’s ready to jump and bite him to death any second.

“Hey,” Mark says, trying not to startle the younger, but the guy is so immersed in his thoughts, he doesn’t hear until Mark repeats it again, this time louder. Jaebum flinches and knocks over a cup of tea that he made for himself, by now cold anyway. “Why are you up?”

“No reason.” Jaebum answers, trying to hide behind a weak smile and searching for a paper towel to clean the mess that’s now leaking on the kitchen floor.

Mark leans against the fridge, watching the younger cleaning, arms crossed on his chest and shivering from cold. “Don’t bullshit me.”

“My… My holiday is over.” Jaebum mumbles, not looking at him. “I— I need to go.”

And in an instant, it hits Mark yet again, the realization of what both they have gotten themselves into; who Jaebum is and what he’s doing for a living. The realization that he is also a part of that now, having to share, having to allow this to keep breaking Jaebum into even more pieces than he was already broken in. And he can’t even do anything – not like Mark can tie him up and refuse to let him out.

Jaebum asks if he can take a shower here, but the atmosphere between them is clearly different – it’s a lot colder. If only a few hours ago it felt like the hottest day of July, now it’s a snowstorm in December. Mark makes himself a cup of coffee, knowing that he won’t be able to fall back asleep anyway and there’s no point in just lying down and trying to make the thoughts racing in his head disappear.

He finds Jaebum in the living room twenty minutes later, sitting on the sofa next to the pile of clothes they left last night. He’s thinking about something and after a few moments of contemplation Mark asks what it's about.

“People are like chewing gum, Mark.” Jaebum says, looking at a window and watching the sun, tinted in various shades of yellow and orange, rising. He’s still naked, even though he has to go, but this time his nakedness is somewhat different, fragile even. “You just chew them and one day the flavor is gone.”

“And what happens then?” Mark asks, cradling a cup of coffee in his hands, trying to understand where the conversation is going.

“Either you spit them out and leave, or you keep chewing and you get sick.”

“Is that what’s going to happen to me?” Mark calmly asks, doing his best to sound unfazed, and allowing the scalding liquid to burn his throat. “You’ll just chew on me before spitting out? Like a game that’s interesting to play, but you drop it because you either achieved the highest level or just found a better one?”

Jaebum doesn’t give him any answers, he changes back into his clothes and leaves, taking a bit of Mark’s heart together with himself. And the latter doesn’t hear his words, silently whispered before closing the doors of Mark’s apartment.

“No, that’s what’s going to happen to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello kids, we just entered the filth zone again, dear lord.  
> anyway, vacation's over, both for jaebum and me, as i'm drowning in midterms, so if there won't be an update next week, i'm not dead and don't hate on me, haha.  
> anyway, i hope you guys liked this mess, and as always, comments are welcomed!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the whole chapter was written while listening to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rsGxL8p9qI) on repeat, give it a try

Mark is fully aware that all this time he was lying to himself.

He always kept mentally repeating to himself that if this happens, it won’t hurt that much, if at all; that the moment Jaebum will let go of his hand and goes to work won’t bother him. But then again, the younger’s phrase said only a couple of hours before keeps echoing in Mark’s head – he hears it when he puts his cup of coffee down; it sounds in his head when he’s sighs, lying down on the cold and empty bed; it carves itself in his brain when he closes his eyes and covers his ears with a blanket, hoping to mute it.

It does hurt, more than expected, but Mark isn’t sure why does it feel like that _exactly_ – he’s trying to choose between such options as ‘because he can’t help Jaebum to get out of something that is breaking him inside’ and ‘because it isn’t even about feelings anymore – Mark knows quite a bit about these things, he learned about a lot of cases like Jaebum’s in university; it’s simply _dangerous_. However, there’s the third option, the one he’s slightly weirded out by, not really appropriate in this situation – Mark realizes that he feels this weird possessiveness, not wanting to share.

_Jaebum compared people to chewing gum, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’d share your gum with someone, right?_

And so Mark sinks into these thoughts for the rest of the day, not really noticing how an early morning turns into an unusually bright midday, with autumn leaves falling everywhere and occasionally bumping into his window due to wind; he has no idea how that midday turns into a late afternoon so quickly, dark stormy clouds covering the sky and turning everything dark, Jinyoung coming back from his travels a day too early with someone; Mark hears name Yugyeom being repeated a few times as both of the guys are chatting in the kitchen, he hears his own name which Jinyoung calls a few times, head peeking into his room to check up on him. Then the afternoon turns into a rainy evening, streaks of rain loudly hitting his windowsill; streaks of helpless, sad and angry tears hitting Mark’s cheeks.

The latter doesn’t know the reason why he turns into such a crying mess – maybe it’s because he misses Jaebum already, his dumb smiles and even teasing; perhaps it’s out of fear and uncertainty about where his boyfriend is or what he’s doing.

There are too many _maybes_ in his head, it never really goes away, and Saturday slowly turns into Sunday, with Jinyoung forcing him to eat and stubbornly establishing his temporary corner in Mark’s bed, sitting there for the entire day, going through his daily tasks by his flatmate’s side and waiting for the elder to finally talk it out, even though he never does that. And then Sunday ends, Monday ends pretty quickly too, and it somehow starts to hurt less and less, Mark drowning himself in his daily tasks to forget, but as usual, it’s not that simple.

They meet again three weeks later, when a hint of winter finally arrives to the city; a few snowflakes falling on the ground looking somehow lost, not fitting all those yellow and red tree leaves that are piling on sidewalks.

Mark is rushing to a meeting, feeling like he got lost in his own faculty, a freshly printed outline of his final thesis ready in his hands to be handed in for his supervisor to scratch out everything he has written over those countless sleepless nights, when he notices a familiar lean figure among a bunch of others, standing in the lobby.

Jaebum doesn’t notice him at all, discussing something with a girl beside him, eyes squinted as if he’s trying to measure something in a wall in front of them only with the power of his mind, quickly mumbling something and scribbling it down in a notebook.

He looks different, not only appearance-wise – even though his previously pitch black hair are now red and styled a bit differently, there’s a visible change in _him_ himself as well. Mark doesn’t know, maybe he’s just seeing things, but the way Jaebum always steps a few centimeters back once someone leans in to hear him better among all the noise of the faculty is just weird and unsettling.

Mark doesn’t move, he just keeps standing there like a dummy, clutching papers in his hand, the initial destination long forgotten and the younger finally notices him, as he yawns and stretches his body out to shake off the sleepiness, considering it’s barely midday.

At first Jaebum’s eyes widen in surprise, it’s obvious that he didn’t expect the encounter, and then he turns away. Mark is pretty sure that the younger will ignore him, but then Jaebum gives his notebook to the girl he’s working with to hold and takes a few steps towards him.

“Hi.” That low, airy and deep tone is the same, completely unchanged, but now it sounds uncertain, more of a question than an actual greeting.

“Hey.” Suddenly, Mark doesn’t know where to keep his arms; it feels like they’re just weirdly hanging there like two long wooden logs, there’s strangely not enough air to breathe in and his knees are slightly shaking. “It’s been a while.”

It really was a while – three long weeks with nothing more but a deadly silence. Jaebum never called or texted for some reason, maybe he couldn’t, maybe he didn’t want to. And during those moments of weakness, when Mark would get reminded of those ridiculous small things they already had – a cup in his kitchen that was unofficially announced to be Jaebum’s already as the latter always drank from it; a few books he has left behind in the elder’s apartment – he tried to call the younger, but his phone always was either turned off, or he simply didn't pick up.

“Indeed.” Jaebum’s answer is short and emotionless, but the addition to his words surprises Mark, even though he tries not to show it. “Do you have time to talk a bit? There are some things that need to be… addressed.”

Mark deeply inhales, not sure if he wants to know what those things are, because it can mean only so much things, most probably their official break up, its atmosphere lingering around like a smell of dirty socks. Actually, he doesn’t have time, he still needs to turn in the paper and his shift in police station starts after an hour or two, but he feels his lips saying, “Yeah, sure. There’s a coffee shop just around the corner. It’s pretty quiet, so nobody will interrupt.”

Jaebum nods, quickly telling the people that are waiting for him that he’s taking a short break and they all glare at Mark as if he’s guilty for taking the younger away from them, but he doesn’t care, giving a few glares back, and off they go, trying to hide in their scarves to protect themselves from a chilly wind.

They don’t talk at all on their way there, Mark being busy with focusing on the road even though he knows it by heart, Jaebum doesn’t say anything either. The café is almost empty and they easily get two seats next to the window, picking their drinks in silence, the only odd thing being the younger quickly ushering Mark’s hand away when he wants to pay for his Americano, telling the cashier that she can count it into his order. The elder just raises his eyebrow at that, but doesn’t say anything.

Only when their drinks are ready and steaming next to them, Jaebum finally lifts his stare from a table he’s been staring at, fingers drawing intricate ornaments on the surface, and asks, “How are you?”

It’s ridiculous how casual it sounds, like they would be ordinary friends that haven’t met for a few days, and Mark doesn’t know what to answer, unsure how much he wants to tell Jaebum, not quite planning on dishing it out to the younger that he’s been pining like crazy.

And his ball of messy thoughts results only in a relatively simple, “These past weeks were… A handful.”

“Yeah,” Jaebum agrees taking a sip of his coffee, frowning when it scalds his lips. “I guess you could call it like that, a handful.”

“What are you doing here?” it’s Mark’s turn to ask, and he feels a little bit braver this time for some reason, trying to keep up the casual chitchat.

A slight smile appears on Jaebum’s lips, the one that always used to light up his face whenever he talked about things he truly loves. “It’s for a project, my university’s arts faculty is collaborating with your applied arts majors. We’re planning to paint the walls of this building anew, to bring in some life here. They allowed me to take the entire lobby and do whatever I feel is necessary, so I’m planning a huge bulletin board where students could stick their polaroids to. Real moments of real people, maybe surrounded by some paintings too, I’m not sure yet.”

His speech gets faster as he gets more and more enthusiastic about it, and it’s really endearing, but at the same time Mark gets a bit happy that he’s graduating in a few months, maybe even before the project will be finished – if they’re bound to separate, he won’t need to see that wall every day; it won’t remind him about the author of this idea.

“Sounds interesting.” He replies dryly, feeling tired from all this dancing around the topic. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Oh, yes.” Jaebum absent-mindedly stirs his coffee, even though he already did that seconds ago. “I wanted to talk about what I’ve— What happened those three weeks ago.”

Mark sighs, knowing very well that the conversation was bound to get there from the first second they met today, so he just keeps staring at Jaebum’s sharp features, only to blurt out an unintentionally too sarcastic, “Your hair color has changed. What’s up with that?”

The younger runs his fingers through his hair, as if he has forgotten about his new hairdo. “It’s for work.”

“Should've figured.” Now Mark’s voice is borderline cold upon mentioning that word, and he feels his insides freezing, the chills running down his spine having nothing to do with the weather outside.

“It’s okay if you’re mad, I can’t expect anything else.” Jaebum says, deciding that it’s better to keep stirring the liquid is his cup like his life depends on it instead of looking his boyfriend right into the eyes; a few more minutes and his latte will become a milkshake. “But I warned you about this, you knew from the very beginning.”

“It’s not that I’m mad.” Mark admits letting out a sigh, putting his drink away and tiredly rubbing his eyes. “I… I don’t even know what I feel right now, okay? You leave at the asscrack of dawn spitting some weird metaphors and then I hear nothing from you for three whole weeks, I had no idea if you’re at least alive. All I had to hold on was those random things you left in my apartment, and here I am, left completely on my own to deal with all this, having no idea who we are now, or are we something at all; you’re away and god knows what’s being done to you—“ His speech turns into a ramble, voice shaking as if he’s about to burst in tears that he’s been bottling up for the past weeks, but Jaebum saves him from that, interrupting.

“I’m fine and you weren’t supposed to be alone, I told Jinyoung to keep an eye on you.”

These words etch a frown in Mark’s forehead upon hearing them. How’s Jinyoung involved in this, when did they even have the time to talk, why did nobody tell anything to him – all these questions are swirling in his head, but at the same time it makes some things perfectly clear – his flatmate trying to be around as much as possible; all those times when Jinyoung came to his room only to bring him food and ask how he’s doing. It all makes sense now.

“How did you—“

“I called him as soon as I got home that morning, that’s why he got back from his trip so early.” Jaebum explains, voice silent and a bit embarrassed, as if he's ashamed of hiding things from the elder.

The latter has a hard time understanding this kind of logic though. “You had time to call Jinyoung and explain him everything, but not me? How does that even make sense, Jaebum?”

“I didn’t explain him anything.” Jaebum mumbles defensively. “I just called him and asked for a favor, he didn’t even ask what it’s all about. If I can’t explain things for you, what makes you feel like I could tell it to _him_?”

Mark doesn’t know, he doesn’t know anything at that moment, feeling like he's getting out of his mind due to frustration. He doesn’t even know what he expects to hear in response after asking, “Then where have you been all this time? What have you been doing?”

“Working.” Honestly, he thinks that if he hears that word one more time, he’ll genuinely throw up, but then Jaebum continues. “You know, I told you once that we’re allowed to have personal relationships – well depending on the owner, but—“

“Owner?” Mark repeats, the word leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

Jaebum only smiles at this interruption, but his smile is sad. “We’re like toys to them, Mark – we’re there on sale and they buy, it’s always been like that, but that’s not the point now. I’m lucky enough, I’m allowed to have a relationship outside my work, just with a condition that when it gets serious… When I think it’s serious enough, I have to tell my owner about that person.”

Mark has no clue where the younger is heading with this, so all he asks is, “And?”

“And— And I told him about you.” Jaebum tells as he breathes out, looking like it’s something he was afraid of telling out loud, eyes now following every bit of Mark’s movements to guess his reaction.

Needless to say, Mark is speechless – he went here being absolutely sure that after this encounter they probably will never see each other again, breakup being the only logical solution to the situation they are in, but then Jaebum… Im Jaebum, the one who told that people are replaceable like socks, like chewing gum, is now saying that he thinks their relationship could be serious enough to make it known to his sugar daddy?

“I don’t understand what’s going on.” He admits, closing his eyes and burying his face in his palms, everything becoming a bit too much at the moment.

“I get it.” Jaebum understandingly nods, reaching his hand out to take Mark’s palm into his, the mess of their entwined fingers resting on the coffee shop table. “I know it’s out of the blue, but during these weeks I realized that there’s something in you that draws me in, genuinely. At first it was because you were normal, a simple university student like me, but now… it’s because it’s you, I’m attracted to _you_. You make me feel like I’m home.”

It seems like Jaebum’s having a hard time telling all these things – Mark always knew that the younger isn’t someone who confesses love or any other feelings so easily, and it somehow feels more special that way, but, trying to save his heart from possible future breakups, he says only, “And now that they know about me… What’s now?”

Jaebum gets visibly disappointed by this change of topic, but still manages to smile, saying, “Nothing, really. They just know about your existence, but I advise you to be careful. I didn’t tell anyone you’re involved with police, so just in case, buy another phone card for your internship and all those things. I don’t really care what happens to me if they find out, but it’s safer for you.”

“Is it really that dangerous, or are you just trying to scare me off?”

“They’re all big names, Mark. They could ruin us with a snap of their fingers.”

Mark bites on his bottom lip, a habit when he’s nervous and stressed. “Isn’t there a way for you to quit? I could talk to people in police, they have their ways, they would think of something—“

“ _No._ ” Jaebum’s voice turns cold and strict. “Take off your rose-tinted glasses, for god’s sake, it’s not like I can stride into a police department one day and say _hey I have some news for you_ – I’m too deep into that shit myself, deeper than you’d think. It’s not only about me, besides they have more than half of police in their pockets, fed with the money that are left after we get paid.”

Mark feels like he’s trapped, not knowing what to do at all. “Then what are you going to do? What do you want _me_ to do?”

“Nothing you don’t want to do yourself.” Jaebum responds, finishing his coffee. “It’s completely your choice – either you stay with me if you feel something for me, ignoring everything that’s going on around you or we just separate and never meet again. It will hurt both ways, I know, but things are like that. I’m not lying and not holding anything back.”

“You don’t have to decide now.” Jaebum’s addition after a long pause is both a curse and salvation, meaning that Mark has time to run away from everything and think about it; but at the same time it also means that he will _need to think about it_ , all the thoughts and endless possibilities making a mess out of his brain. “A week from now, will it be enough?”

“Why didn’t you call me?” Mark asks suddenly, and the younger’s eyebrows knit in confusion. “You’re not working now, why didn’t you search for me? I bet that if we didn’t meet today you wouldn’t have called, either.”

“I have only one free day to deal with my university stuff.” Jaebum says, not looking at him. “This evening I have work to do, and tomorrow, and the day after it. I don’t want to bother you when I know I’ll need to leave again almost immediately.”

Mark lowers his head, breathing out, “A week it is.”

“Then we’ll meet here, in the same coffee shop next week and you’ll tell me your decision. I’ll be here anyway, we have a project meeting scheduled.”

Mark nods and mumbles a quick goodbye, because he really needs to go, his internship shift starts pretty soon and he’ll need to run in order not to get late, but before leaving the place for good, he turns around to spare a glance at the younger.

And Im Jaebum has never looked so fragile, small and vulnerable before like he does that moment, thinking that no one sees anymore and burying his face into his palms, shoulders unfamiliarly and uncontrollably shaking in a cry that he’s trying to contain and bottle up inside, where all of his demons are hidden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i returned to pain you  
> this turned out to be hella angsty, i don't even know how, initially i didn't intend it to be like that but oh well. anyway, i was looking at that college/university au tag on this fic and i kinda realized that it's not really that, so i put them in uni surroundings at least in this chapter to mend my conscience while i'm thinking how to tag it lmao  
> also, i know it says that the fic should have 15 chapters, but it's really tentative, the chapter count can swing both ways, it can be less (but probably no less than 14 anyway), it could be more.
> 
> anyway, i hope you liked it and comments are always welcomed!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> okay, first of all, warnings, since ao3 hates me and completely refuses to fix the tags on this fic (like it literally doesn't change anything no matter how many times i update the tags, i even tried 3 other browsers, sigh)
> 
> the first part of the chapter is kind of leaning towards rough sex, breath play, etc., also it gets into noncon stuff for a very nasty second  
> also, there's implied drug use/drugging  
> so if any of those might trigger you, don't go near this chapter !!!
> 
> also, the very same part might not make a lot of sense at first, but it will get clearer towards the middle and very clear at the end
> 
> also, [something](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qz6Lpq6oMrs) to listen to while reading

Everything around Jaebum feels dark, surroundings floating as if someone would be spinning him around in their arms, and he doesn’t really know why he’s feeling like that, but everything seems funny – the dark room, the curtains lifelessly, but slowly and somewhat elegantly moving from the cold autumn wind, like in a movie even.

So he laughs, laugh wild and unrestrained, and then, what a miracle, Jaebum eyes squint at a familiar figure – it’s Mark, sitting on the edge of a bed, with a fancy suit on himself, what is weird by nature, because he hasn’t seen the elder wearing anything else but hoodies and various T-shirts matching his jeans. However, he doesn’t dwell on this thought that much, sighing in relief because in the end, _Mark’s here_ and it’s all that matters.

The latter’s lips slightly move and Jaebum gets weirded out, because it looks like there’s no sound reaching his ears, but something in the back of his head tells him that Mark wants for him to come closer, and that’s exactly what the younger does, being nothing more but a fool for him.

He’s always been – maybe not from the very first second they met, looking at obviously embarrassed, frustrated and feeling out of place Mark Tuan, with a police intern ID peeking out of his wallet, carelessly left on the table. Jaebum did say he doesn’t believe in love from the first sight, and it wasn’t that, more like he warmed up to Mark over the time, him becoming home Jaebum always yearned so much for.

This whole setting seems somehow off though, and he wants to ask his boyfriend what is he doing here and how did he find him, but none of that matters anymore when Mark kisses him – roughly and unexpectedly, forcing his tongue inside the younger’s mouth. The latter doesn’t protest at all, feeling out of breath – if Mark wants to do so, he’s not going to object; if that’s a way for Mark to tell that he forgives Jaebum for all the shit he put them both through, it’s okay.

So he kisses back, strongly and feverishly, like there’s no tomorrow for them, but as soon as he loses control over himself and his lips lower down onto Mark’s neck, he feels a punch, hitting his back into a wall behind them, breathless yet again, but this time because Mark just simply punched him in the stomach in order to shoo him away. Jaebum’s eyes are still warm and glimmering nevertheless, because it’s fine, really – the pain is _fine_.

He doesn’t even notice how Mark gets rid of his clothes and how he himself is stripped naked in a matter of seconds, now pressed face into the same wall. Usually Mark is never that rough, but Jaebum knows better than anyone else that lust and passion can change people beyond recognition, and that seems to be the case, as he yelps in pain when the guy slams his hips into his ass without any preparation, another punch of pain, but this time dozen times stronger, tearing Jaebum apart and he feels a few tears escaping his eyes and smudging the eyeliner he’s wearing that night.

Mark doesn’t bother to wait for his boyfriend to get used to the burning sensation, fucking him raw with fast and careless movements of his hips, Jaebum trying to relax his body as much as possible to dull the pain. It takes a long while before he finally feels it being replaced by bits of pleasure and his knees are going weak, but Mark doesn’t care about that either, pining the younger’s hands above his head for balance and continuously quickening the pace. Jaebum doesn’t even try to suppress his moans mixing with gasps of pain when Mark hits particularly deep, both sending a rush of pleasure down his abdomen and yet another wave of pain up his spine.

Mark finishes first, head buried deep somewhere into Jaebum’s shoulder and teeth sinking into the bare skin of it, cumming inside the younger and pulling out in a matter of seconds, having his boyfriend whimper again, this time both out of emptiness he’s feeling inside himself and the fact that his own cock is hard, red and leaking with precum. However, Mark doesn’t seem like he’s going to take care of that or allow the younger to do that himself, not giving him any break, pushing Jaebum on his knees and forcing his still hard cock inside his mouth.

Jaebum almost chokes, surprised at how uncaringly deep Mark shoves it down his throat, trying to move back to take at least one breath but he doesn’t manage to do so, as Mark’s hand mercilessly forces his head back on his length, left hand buried in Jaebum’s hair, the strength of it not allowing to move at all in attempt to resist to the pace Mark is dictating. And the younger soon complies, bobbing his head back and forth, trying to control his gag reflex every time Mark’s dick hits the very back of his throat, making him want to throw up.

Mark’s grip loosens for a while and he pulls out, finally giving Jaebum a chance to breathe and the latter is catching his breath like a fish out of water, feeling his entire body being sore, ass and knees hurting especially, and his entire body is shivering due to being completely naked in a room with an open window. Jaebum doesn’t know why Mark doesn’t say a word to him all this time, but he doesn’t have much time to think about it, as the elder’s mercy ends after a few mere moments and Jaebum’s red locks are in his palm again.

This time he doesn’t force the younger down on his dick, rather moves on his own, fucking Jaebum’s mouth with such force, the latter can swear he’s now dizzy because of hitting the back of his head into the wall behind him; Mark doesn’t even notice, eyes closed, moans escaping his lips and hips jolting forward more and more feverishly, without any order.

He thrusts one last time, stopping deep inside for a while and Jaebum feels like there’s no air to breathe in anymore; the view is slightly blurring from the lack of oxygen and he’s so sure that a few more seconds and he’s going to black out, fortunately, Mark pulls out his cock just in time, quickly stroking it and releasing his cum on Jaebum’s face and neck.

The latter doesn’t even have strength to complain and it’s not like he would – he’s had it worse than that, so he only flinches and closes his eyes when strings of semen land on his face. He tries to lick it off somehow, but there’s too much and he just leaves it be, Mark brushing his dick against his cheek to wipe it.

Jaebum feels very heavy and tired, body plainly burning from all the previous fucking, his own cock being painfully, torturously hard but without any permission to cum, however, Mark isn’t done just yet, dragging him up and pushing onto bed, flipping him onto his stomach, the younger feeling how his boyfriend’s cock slowly sinks inside him once again.

This time it hurts less; maybe his body finally gets adjusted to all this roughness, or perhaps Mark is somewhat gentle this time, moving slowly and peppering kisses on Jaebum’s neck and back as the latter is arching his back more and more with every thrust. The elder keeps this ridiculously slow pace throughout, heavily panting somewhere near his boyfriend’s ear, ripping through Jaebum’s insides so deep, the latter feels like he’s soon going to forget his name, abrupt nonsense leaving his mouth in an unrecognizable language.

He feels like wreck, letting Mark do whatever the fuck he wants with his body, but he’s not against being wrecked once in a while, because even though some weird, deeply ingrown barriers of his personality doesn’t allow him confess love to people so easily, he thinks that if all this rough and merciless fucking is a way to tell Mark that he’d give him everything in the world if he could, even his last breath – then be it.

But all the thoughts get quickly wiped out of his head when Mark turns him on his back, forcing Jaebum to look at him as he’s continuing to wreck his ass with the same piercingly slow thrusts. The younger isn’t even moaning and this point, he’s simply wailing, over the edge from the elder’s dick hitting against his prostate and the urge to come, his dick leaking like a fucking tap; he wants to say something, maybe beg Mark to let him climax, but the latter puts him palm over his mouth, muffling his cries and mumbles.

One of the last things Jaebum feels is another palm of Mark’s on his neck, and he subconsciously moves his head a bit, frightened by such turn in events, but Mark impatiently shakes his head, slamming his cock into Jaebum even deeper than before to catch him off guard; he succeeds and uses it to get a better grip on the younger’s neck, lean fingers pressing into the skin, for sure leaving bruises and Jaebum’s squirms at the lack of air, eyes widening in fear of suffocating, this time for real.

The only word he manages to mutter out with those bits of air he still has is, “Mark.”

Then the grip on his neck loosens and Jaebum’s body is shaken by a series of feverish attempts to catch air, coughing like he’s about to cough his lung up. And then he feels a slap on his cheek, a ring placed on Mark’s finger cutting his lip and leaving it bleeding. Jaebum realizes that something’s wrong about this scene – Mark never wears rings.

He gets another slap; suddenly the surroundings start to change and Mark disappears, and Jaebum is left only with some middle aged man on top, cursing and yelling at him, probably for saying the wrong name.

And only then Jaebum understands that it was never Mark to begin with – he’s still at his ‘job’ and this is yet another client he’s been borrowed to for the night.

Usually, Jaebum hates to cry; he rarely does that and never at work – he simply _can’t_ do that at work unless he’s specifically asked to – but that night he feels tears rolling down his cheeks still covered in cum, as he turns his head to the side when the man continues to thrust inside him angrily as if to punish him for the previous mistake.

 

“I’m going to sleep.” Jinyoung says, standing up from the sofa and sleepily stretching his stiff body out to get rid of the numbness he got from lying in one position for too long. “You’re coming?”

Mark, however, shakes his head. It takes him a moment to react to the question in the first place, as he’s being caught up in his own torturous thoughts, the laptop on his lap being just a tool to pretend that he’s editing his final thesis that was ridiculed by his supervisor earlier that day after he finally turned it in.

In all honestly, Mark knows his paper is shit, he never had a knack for all this writing stuff and always hoped to get the passing grade by the help of whatever deity out there, however, he didn’t even hear all the rude comments his teacher was saying, head occupied with other things so much more.

_Occupied with Jaebum._

The rest of the day after their meeting passed by in a weird blur, with him not being able to concentrate on anything anymore. In his internship place, he spilled a cup of coffee all over his table, ruining half of the reports he spent two hours making; then he threw away some important paper and got yelled at by the authorities; later he almost shredded his own ID card instead of a bunch of expired officer IDs he was entrusted to get rid of.

“Is everything okay, hyung?” Youngjae asked without any usual humor in his voice, mostly because Mark looked like a ghost the entire day, not talking with anyone more than it was absolutely needed, blabbering some weird and incoherent nonsense upon asked something, as if he wasn’t listening at all.

Mark just nodded his head in response.

“Is everything okay?” Jinyoung asks now, eyes squinted at this flatmate who’s obviously pretending to be typing something, but his fingers barely move, pressing the same enter key repeatedly, with his eyes fixed on only one spot of the monitor. However, Mark nods yet again, trying to avoid unnecessary conversations and he seems to be buying it this time. “I swear to god, if my final thesis will make this kind of zombie out of me too, I’d rather drop out right now.”

He turns off the TV and leaves Mark completely alone in the room, the latter closing his eyes feeling somewhat blinded by the lamp his flatmate leaves turned on. His head hurts, it pounds in pain like someone would be trying to drill a hole in it – and to be very honest, Mark wouldn’t mind someone doing that if only it meant that his mind would stop racing, so many unneeded thoughts swirling around like a damn hurricane.

He’s unable to forget this morning, all the emotions that took a rollercoaster ride upon meeting Jaebum. Mark was afraid then, he was angry, he was mad even, he was also sad – and on top of all this mess, he was _in love_ , in a desperate need of a long conversation with his boyfriend about what’s going on, who they are now and how they’re going to live with it. Not the best combination of doubts and madness for someone as soft as Mark is by nature, but the worst thing out of this is him having to make the decision, knowing that he has less than seven days to decide what he wants.

And he just _doesn’t know_ – he’s full of contradicting thoughts that aren’t getting clearer even if he tries to fry his brain with overthinking. At some point, he even feels angry at Jaebum for dumping this kind of mess on his shoulders, for a split second regretting that they have even met; but in the end, he does understand that the younger isn’t a bad person, he wouldn’t leave him in this shit if things depended on him – it doesn’t, Jaebum barely has any control over his own life.

However, this time, instead of letting the carousel of his mind start spinning again, Mark opts for a hot shower, in attempt to scrub all the thoughts away from his body, but Jaebum’s name continues to creep into his head wherever he goes.

Mark gets reminded of falling asleep next to Jaebum in this very same bathroom the second time they met after Jinyoung’s legendary endeavors in a convenience store and on Jaebum’s shirt; when he goes to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea in hopes of it easing him down so he could get some sleep, he spots these ridiculous colorful magnets Jaebum stuck onto the fridge to ‘liven up the mood’; Mark feels a pang of heaviness in his heart when he spots a book the younger left on his nightstand a few nights earlier. He sits down on his bed with the book in one of his hands and a cup of tea in another, absent-mindedly shuffling through random pages, and doesn’t even notice how he returns to the beginning, reading it as if some weird sign of closure with Jaebum.

It’s a fantasy novel about some boy who falls in love with a princess; a very childish book if Mark was the one to judge, probably for young teenagers or something, guessing from illustrations and huge font. The boy has to endure a lot of stuff and difficult challenges to return to this princess and rescue her from some curse they’ve been cursed with – and Mark kind of sees some parallels with his and Jaebum’s story, maybe explaining how the book found a place in the younger’s bookshelves in the first place. So Mark spends most of his night like that, sacrificing sleep even though he needs to wake up early for classes, slowly turning the pages in curiosity about the ending.

He doesn’t reach it though – it’s around 5 AM when he catches himself dozing off, sighing and putting the book away, rubbing his eyes and ready to snuggle into his sheets for a few hours of restless sleep. At first he thinks he’s just hearing things out of tiredness, the sound of their doorbell seeming so silent as if coming from another flat, but then he hears it again and again, and then someone bumps into their door.

Mark isn’t really afraid, but his steps towards the door are still slow and his heart is beating faster than usual. He doesn’t open the door immediately, still considering the tempting idea of just ignoring whoever decided to pay a visit on these ungodly hours, but then again, he can’t resist for long, so he unlocks the door and opens them only to catch Jaebum falling into his arms and he gets terrified by how _ruined_ the younger looks.

Even though stumbling to find balance with Jaebum hanging on him like a lifeless doll, he sees a bleeding cut on his lower lip and a spot on his cheek that is slowly turning disgustingly purple, covered by bits of smudged eyeliner and something else he can’t really determine now. Jaebum is shivering, dressed only in a short-sleeved black T-shirt and skinny jeans, only with a pair of thin socks on, but his appearance isn’t what scares Mark the most.

It’s Jaebum’s eyes – unable to focus, as if he wouldn’t see anything in front of him; also his breathing, so, so, frighteningly slow as if it’s about to stop any second. Mark doesn’t have second thoughts before dragging the younger into the apartment, wobbling from all the weight and accidentally knocking off a vase from a stand in the corridor.

Jinyoung is quickly woken up by the weird sounds coming from outside his room, standing next to his door in his ridiculous pajamas with puppies and eyes widening in surprise at the unexpected scene. “What the hell is going on here?”

“I don’t know.” Mark pants out, trying to find a way not to fall on the floor and steer both himself and Jaebum to the living room without hurting the younger even more. “Find a sweater and a pair of pants in my wardrobe. And make a cup of tea, he’s cold as ice.”

When the unexpected guest is put on their sofa, not managing to say anything else but some feverish mumbling that none of them can understand, and eyes running around his surroundings as if he has no clue where he is, and Mark is trying to change him into the sweater Jinyoung brought, Jaebum throws up from such rocking motions and Mark mumbles, “How much does one need to drink to be like that?”

Only then Jinyoung finally opens his mouth, observing the scene and looking around for something to clean the vomit with, saying, “He’s not drunk, I’ve seen this shit a few times too many not to know.”

“Then what is it?” Mark asks, turning his head to look at him.

“He’s drugged.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at this point i. don't. even. know.  
> also, if my writing was too confusing - yes, mark in the first part was just a hallucination induced by drugs, however the sex was real, just with a client of jaebum's.
> 
> okay, so anyway, i think i'm off to listen to the shark song or smth (thanks got7), and i hope you liked this and as always, comments are really welcomed (pls don't come at me for doing this to jaebum, i feel sorry for him myself)


	12. Chapter 12

Seconds become minutes; minutes turn into hours upon this conclusion of Jinyoung’s, and Mark feels like someone would’ve kicked him in the guts.

He was taught how not to panic in certain situations, they had tons of courses in university – being so closely related to police activities always requires a training like that, however, that second all he feels is this weird blankness washing over, sheer and raw panic _because Jaebum might be drugged for fuck‘s sake and they don‘t know with what and how serious it might be, they don‘t even know if that‘s really the case_ filling up his entire body and bubbling up while threatening to transform into a panic attack; though his body is like paralyzed when Jinyoung asks what he is going to do, not allowing him to even open his mouth.

“What _can_ I do?” Mark finally mumbles, looking at his boyfriend, who’s slipping back into unconsciousness yet again, drops of cold sweat forming on his forehead. He wants to fight, to find whoever left those bruises on Jaebum’s skin, those traces on his body that are poking at Mark with their blueish and purplish undertones like a reminder that Mark did so, so little to prevent this from happening. “I don’t know, I. Don’t. Know.” His words are more of a wail than anything else, him hitting his head into his knees as he’s sitting on the floor next to the sofa.

“He needs a doctor.” Jinyoung notes, turning to go to the bathroom to get another towel to clean the mess in the room. “And probably a visit to a police station, whoever did this to him, needs to be arrested.”

“We can’t take him anywhere, and especially not to police.” Mark responds, hugging his knees and looking at the floor as if waiting for someone to emerge from there giving all the answers on how to deal with this situation. If police isn’t an option, considering what Jaebum has told about them being bribed by the higher-ups, Mark figures that hospitals aren’t that hard to silence either.

Surprisingly, Jinyoung doesn’t argue, swallowing down so many questions that are burning in his throat while he’s looking at the scene – his obviously panicking and scared flatmate, the guy on their sofa now half-awake again, vomiting his guts out and looking like he’s been beaten by someone. But when after some time Jaebum loses consciousness for the fourth time during the last hour, he can’t take it anymore. “It’s getting dangerous, Mark, we need to do something.”

“We can’t move him anywhere.” Mark repeats, voice silent and tired. “We’re stuck.”

“Why? What’s going on?” there it is, the question finally escaping into the 7 AM sunlight, lazily dripping into the room as if the weather would be making fun of them.

Mark only sighs, not really a fan of keeping secrets, but he’s not dumb, at least not entirely – he knows that it’s better to have as less people involved as possible, and he’s sure that Jaebum, if he would be okay enough to speak his mind, would agree. “Don’t ask and I won’t need to lie.”

It seems like this phrase riles Jinyoung up like nothing else, on top of an almost sleepless night. It’s also obvious that he’s slightly scared as well, even though he tries to keep his head cool and not to show it. “Listen, I don’t want to be responsible for whatever happens to him, okay? Who knows what shit and how many of it he took, who knows know this will end – and if it’s something permanent, if he dies or something, I don’t want to be the one who didn’t do anything.”

Mark freezes at these words, because he hasn’t even thought about it – death always seems such a distant concept when you’re in your twenties, something you can only read about in newspapers and see on TV; but then slowly, a bit by bit, he gets painfully reminded of all those overdose cases they have studied, he knows how seemingly innocent symptoms can end, and Jinyoung, no matter how angry and overdramatic sounding, does have a point.

“Who are you calling?” Mark asks, seeing his flatmate taking his phone and dialing someone’s number before he can even move to stop him.

“My friend’s mom works in an ER, maybe we can make something out of that.”

 

The friend turns out to be Yugyeom, the guy whose name Mark has faintly heard of during the period when he wasn’t able to get out of the bed over being heartbroken, and even though Mark is not exactly happy about getting him and his mother involved into the story, he has to accept the woman’s offer to drive Jaebum to a hospital she works in for a check-up, since she can’t do much in their apartment. Yugyeom’s not a saint by any means, having done a lot of stuff throughout his life, and maybe that’s why she doesn’t even bat an eyelash signing the papers of admittance with a fake name instead of Im Jaebum.

It’s nothing serious – that’s the final conclusion after a few blood tests, Jaebum just needs a whole lot of medication to get the drugs out of his body and some ointment for his bruises, and Mark finally is able to let out a deep sigh, feeling his legs wobbly from fear that he was trying to hold inside. The patient gets transferred to a regular single ward for the rest of the day and he looks so ridiculously small and vulnerable buried under a pile of blankets, breathing heavy and eyelashes slightly fluttering due to a restless sleep induced by medicine that is constantly pumped into him through a few IVs.

Mark is sitting next to him alone, as Yugyeom and Jinyoung understandingly left them alone, probably to get some sleep at home or to fetch a few cans of energy drinks or a few cups of coffee. He’s trying not to fall asleep himself and shoo unnecessary thoughts away, now that everything’s relatively okay – they know Jaebum will be fine, but Mark feels helpless more than before, remembering perfectly well that his boyfriend was supposed to ‘work’ last night. It doesn’t take a genius to add two and two now when panic levels are somewhat back to normal.

Jaebum was right in that coffee shop – up until now, Mark truly wasn’t able to understand the gravity of the situation they both are in. It’s becoming more and more obvious that these people whom Jaebum works for don’t really care about wrecking a person if that’s what they want, because even if they accidentally _break_ them, there’s always someone else, someone new, and that scares the shit out of Mark now that the walls of Jaebum’s perfectly memorized and rehearsed lie are finally slowly collapsing – right above their heads.

He doesn’t notice how he starts drifting to sleep, the completely sleepless night finally taking its toll, resting his head somewhere near Jaebum’s shoulder and body bent in a weird and uncomfortable position as he’s still sitting on that stupid chair the ward has. It feels like his brain stops working for a while and he isn’t aware of how much time has passed, finally cracking his eyes open only when he feels that the guy next to him is slowly moving, waking up as well.

Jaebum looks disoriented trying to sit up in the bed while looking at the unfamiliar surroundings and trying to determine where he is and how he got here. His eyes are full of uncertainty like he wouldn’t be sure if it’s not only another hallucination, and he flinches when Mark puts his warm hand on his shoulder, gently forcing him to fall back on the pillow.

“It’s okay, I’m here with you.” The elder says and even though Jaebum’s eyes glimmer in some sort of a relief, it’s still not enough to convince him – he thought he saw Mark last night, too, and now it feels like he can’t trust even himself anymore.

“Why am I in a hospital?” he questions, looking at a needle of an IV drip being in his arm.

“Is there something that happened yesterday you want to tell me about?” Mark asks instead, trying not to sound accusing and pressuring; he just wants to know what happened.

Jaebum closes his eyes trying to remember, but his memory is failing him – it’s fragmented and unclear, like someone would be keeping the full version of what happened locked away somewhere deep inside his brain and teasing him about that.

He clearly remembers getting a call from his owner, saying that tonight he’s supposed to go at some hotel to meet yet another man. It wasn’t anything unusual – trades are pretty common and Jaebum didn’t even blink before scribbling down the address. Then he remembers meeting the client, some decent looking middle aged man, quite familiar from newspapers and TV reports for fake tearing up about some donation project for homeless kids he’s been working on when he isn’t buying sex; then he recalls taking a drink from him, it also wasn’t unheard of – they were allowed to drink, of course, having to watch their limits, and Jaebum took a sip or two of, what was it, wine?, but apparently it was just enough to start feeling weird. And then _nothing_ – asides that weird imagery of the man being Mark, he remembers absolutely nothing.

His body, however, remembers more, throat feeling sore as if he has been coughing nonstop, and the same weird tickling forcing him to cough again, but soon it makes Jaebum regret - his neck hurts as well, feeling like it’s going to tear apart with every cough, but he tries to keep it in.

“No, there’s nothing to tell.” He finally replies, voice a bit hoarse and stubborn. Even if he remembered, he wouldn’t tell, saving Mark from hearing these bizarre things. Jaebum loves him a bit too much to allow him to know the mortifying details.

“You were drugged.”

Jaebum simply sighs, turning his head away from Mark to face the white wall next to him. So that’s the explanation for him feeling like a wreck, however, the only words that escape his lips are fake-calm. “It’s fine. Has happened a few times before.”

Mark feels something inside him shattering as his boyfriend tells that so nonchalantly, as if he was fed too many skittles and got here for indigestion, and out of this shock his words are a bit too sarcastic and harsher than he originally intends. “It’s _fine_?” 

At first, Jaebum tries to say something, completely unfazed by Mark’s tone, but then he remembers another thing, a thoughts pops up in his head and he can’t believe he was so stupid not to ask this in the first place. “How did you find me here?”

“What?” Mark frowns, not sure what caused his boyfriend to think like that. “You came to my place at five in the morning literally falling into my hands. At first we tried to find a way how to avoid hospitals, but everything kept getting worse and Jinyoung called his friend for help.”

It’s the moment when Jaebum jolts up from the bed in fear again, like a cornered animal in front of a herd of predators, breath hitching and eyes running around with such speed, Mark gets confused, but he doesn’t manage to say anything before the younger asks, “Was I alone?”

“What do you—“

“When I came to your apartment, was I alone or not?” Jaebum’s speech is way too fast to understand and his red locks are sticking into various ridiculous directions; on other occasions it would probably seem adorable and endearing even, if not for his voice, cracking and shaking. “Answer me.”

Mark tries to remember what happened when he saw Jaebum at his doorstep, but after a few moments he says, “I don’t know. When I opened the door you were alone, but I don’t know if someone accompanied you to my floor. Why, why does it matter?”

“Why does it matter. Why does it matter.” Jaebum keeps frantically repeating, laughing in mid-hysteria at the question that sounds so ridiculous. “If they dropped me off at yours, that means they know where you live. Shit, shit, _shit_ , I fucked up, I—“

“What are you talking about?” panic seems to be contagious. “Who knows where I live, what’s going on?”

But Jaebum doesn’t seem like he’s listening anymore, feverishly mumbling something under his breath, something about having to save someone, and he’s so close to ripping all the needles out of his arm, ready to run, luckily, Mark catches his hand right on time, though regretting doing that with such a miscalculated force, as it makes Jaebum hiss in pain.

“You’re not going anywhere.” Mark’s voice is low and commanding, something his boyfriend hasn’t heard ever before, and something that doesn’t happen often anyway. “Not until you explain this and not until your doctor says you’re good to go.”

“I need to go, okay?” Jaebum sounds pleading. “I’m dangerous. To you, to everyone who got involved into this shit. It will be just a matter of hours before they find me – and I know they will search for me if I won’t show up at work tonight—“

Mark surprisingly responds to this in a relatively calm way, as if his rose-tinted glasses are back again. “They’ll have a blast searching for you. As I said, you’re here under a fake name and fake diagnosis, nobody knows who you really are.”

“Listen, it’s not that simple, Mark. I made a huge mistake by telling them about you, you need to understand that.” It’s probably the stare of the elder’s, a bit hurt and sad, that makes Jaebum realize what he just said, adding, “Not in _that_ way, I don’t regret falling in love with you, if you’re thinking about that. Just… Telling them _anything_ is a mistake, I should’ve known that they will use it against me one day. They probably already have your phone tapped, that’s why I told you to buy another phone card just in case – they won’t risk you telling someone something. I don’t know how I got to you last night and I pray to all the gods out there that it would’ve been some sort of a miracle and I appeared there on my own… But if they know where you live and dropped me off, it’s not a gesture of friendliness. Being with me is like putting a target on your back, that’s what I’m saying. It’s better— It’s better for us not to be together now.”

“No.” Mark says and the confidence in his voice is what finally shuts Jaebum up. “If I came this far, I’m staying. I thought a lot about what you said in the coffee shop yesterday. I won’t just sit there oblivious to what’s happening to you, but I’m not leaving either, not when you’re like this. We’re in this together and we’ll find a find to get our asses out of this shit.”

It sounds like a dream to Jaebum, a very distant and happy one, but unreachable; he doesn’t say anything, just takes Mark’s hand into his. The touch is barely there, because he’s still a bit weak, but it’s enough for Mark to read countless meanings out of it – the way Jaebum says _thank you_ with it, the way he says _I love you_ , and the elder carefully drags him closer for a hug so tight, as if trying to make sure Jaebum won’t be able to escape it.

Jaebum brushes his lips against his boyfriend’s, the chapped and cut skin so starkly contrasting with Mark’s soft lips. It tastes of cherry juice due to the candy Mark ate earlier in order to keep his hungry stomach silent and medicine for treating cuts; the mix of tastes is a bit nasty – just like the situation they’re stuck in.

 

Eventually, it seems like Jaebum passes out to sleep again, and it’s nothing bad - at least that’s what Yugyeom’s mother says when she returns to check on her patient.

“Most probably he’ll be sleeping a lot today.” She tells while adjusting the flow of one of the IVs, staring at Mark who doesn’t change his place throughout the morning and afternoon, glued to the side of his boyfriend. “Kid, I won’t ask you what’s going on, Yugyeom being my son taught me that, but usually, in cases like his, we need to inform the police. He was drugged and clearly assaulted.”

Mark offers her only a “thank you”, that holds so many unsaid words.

“Alright.” She nods, understanding. “I suggest you to go home and sleep a bit, you look terrible. He will still be sleeping when you come back, I’m almost sure.”

Mark doesn’t give in to convincing that he should leave the hospital, as if he’s afraid to leave Jaebum alone, but eventually agrees to visit the cafeteria to get some food and caffeine into his system. The line is annoyingly long and his card gets declined due to a bug in the system, so by the time he returns there from the nearest ATM with some cash, Mark isn’t even sure if he wants that coffee so much, but the cashier seems pretty apologetic about that and adds a free donut, so he doesn’t really mind.

Mark sits down on one of the ugly plastic chairs the hospital offers, trying to collect his thoughts that are swirling in his head. What Jaebum said is too much for him to deal at the moment, all the words and warnings postponed in his mind at least until they’re allowed to go home, so he checks his phone to keep himself occupied.

It’s a bit after 4 PM and Mark calls Jinyoung to ask how’s he doing and is there a way to repay Yugyeom and his mom for all the help, but his flatmate’s phone is turned off. It’s surprising, because Jinyoung rarely doesn’t notice his battery being dead, but Mark shrugs it off – maybe he’s just sleeping or something, that does happen after all.

After a couple of minutes, when he’s done with the coffee and the greasy, absolutely tasteless donut (no wonder it was free, he doubts that someone would actually pay for that), he starts dragging himself to the elevator in order to return to Jaebum’s ward, feeling more and more tired as if the coffee wouldn’t be doing its job, but all the fatigue disappears within a second when he reaches the destination – the bed is empty, sheets messily scattered on the floor, and Mark doesn’t even feel how he runs to the nurses station, but all the nurses there shake their heads – no, they didn’t see anyone in the corridors.

Mark runs around the floor, however, it doesn’t take him anywhere, so he sprints down to the lobby of the first floor, jumping and skipping stairs as he doesn’t have time to wait for the elevator to come, but Jaebum is nowhere to be found. He needs a few moments to gather all his courage and turn to direction of the hospital security to ask permission to look at the CCTVs, but as soon as he takes the first step, his phone in the back pocket vibrates and Mark doesn’t even look at the caller ID before picking up.

“Hyung?” It’s Youngjae, voice so weird, it snaps Mark out of his thoughts that started swallowing him again when he realized it’s not Jaebum. “We’re in trouble. In deep shit, frankly speaking.”

Mark wants to yell _you don’t say_ at him, however, he tries to get himself together, asking only, “Why?”

“Remember that time you asked me to track someone down for you?” Youngjae tells after a pause and Mark nods instead of answering, completely forgetting that his colleague can’t see him; but he’s too busy scanning the crowd moving in and out of the lobby, hoping to see a familiar mop of red hair among people. “We got caught, they were doing a revision and found my unauthorized access to the logs of the system. They don’t know who did it yet, since I left some tricks for them to crack, but it’s only a matter of time. All the interns are rumored to be called for a mandatory one on one meeting with supervisors tomorrow, so don’t be surprised, and I swear to god, hyung, if they find out, I hope you have a believable explanation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no calm days for these two, huh, only mess, mess everywhere.  
> anyway, i decided to leave the total chapter count undecided again because istg, if i manage to solve this mess in three chapters and hit 15 of them as i originally planned, it will be worth celebration
> 
> anyway, i hope you liked the chapter and comments are always welcomed, and now let me die because i feel like i have a nasty cold.


	13. Chapter 13

_Would reporting Jaebum as a missing person do something?_

_Is he missing, actually? Not exactly._

_Was the woman he talked to saying the truth?_

_What Jinyoung has to do with all this?_

_Can he really expect any help here, when—_

“Mark.” The voice is distant, like coming from a broken radio – all that reaches him is those weird bits of noises, trying to distract him from real problems, problems he has plenty of. Mark feels someone’s hand on his shoulder, shaking him out of the daze and he snaps back to reality; and in reality, Jaebum is still nowhere to be found and Mark is waiting for his one on one conversation with his internship supervisor. Or waiting for an interrogation, probably there won’t be much difference. “It’s your turn, he’s calling you.”

Mark nods, but his gesture isn’t directed towards the intern whom he has seen a few times before, or towards anyone really, and he slightly stumbles while getting up from the chair thanks to now two sleepless nights. It feels like it’s hard to breathe upon meeting the supervisor, a middle-aged man waiting for Mark to sit down with an unreadable facial expression.

This particular supervisor was never the nicest person to work with, to him they all are just a bunch of stupid students who are thrown onto his shoulders, so Mark thinks his mind is playing tricks when the man’s eyes soften upon seeing him plopping into the seat; the stare somewhat friendly even, and Mark probably would get surprised if he still had his emotions working properly.

“Do you know why we’re organizing this whole meeting thing?” the supervisor says, offering him a cup of coffee, obviously the cheapest one bought from the vending machine in the first floor, but Mark refuses. He doesn’t need more caffeine in his system, his thoughts work better than any coffee.

He doesn’t know what he’s expected to say though, all the interns who already had their meetings were told not to spill any details and surprisingly, no one did; Mark doesn’t even know if Youngjae had his meeting already or not, and if he did, what did he say, so he settles only for a vague, “I might have heard some rumors.”

The man in front of him nods, seemingly satisfied with an answer which sounds almost honest, considering some other interns tried to pretend, even when they obviously knew. “Good, but since it’s just rumors you’ve heard of, let me explain it to you. During our scheduled security check we found an unauthorized access to our logs, which we use for tracking down people. If we have a court order, that is, I’m sure you’ve learned about this in classes.”

“That’s awful.” Mark says emotionlessly, feeling his mind drifting away, out of the room again.

“Tuan, you’re a nice guy and hardworking one on top of that. Tracking down a person without a court order is a serious issue, and if we find out who did this, they’ll face some measures, they might get expelled from university and get sued for the abuse of power. If there are any circumstances that would help justify such happening, I’m sure it would help that person a lot and you’d tell us if you knew something about it, right?”

“Why does it seem like you’re indirectly implying that it’s my job?” Mark says, lifting his eyes. He doesn’t feel the threat, he doesn’t feel _anything_ , even panic – he has more things to be afraid of, afraid _for_ ; and now he’s afraid for Jaebum.

The supervisor gives him a half-smile, which seems somehow amused, then he takes something out of his drawer and puts it in front of Mark. The latter doesn’t react at first, a brown folder full of papers saying absolutely nothing to him, but after he’s encouraged to open it, for the very first time in that room, Mark feels a pang in his heart; something vaguely reminding of anxiety.

“Do you know what that is?”

“Seems like a whole bunch of my monthly bank statements.” He breathes out after a pause, not quite sure where all of this is leading. Neither the university, nor the police station ever required to submit such papers and Mark had no idea that they were here. “I see my name over there, so yeah, definitely mine.”

The man sighs, as if saddened by the lack of cooperation, taking one page out of the bunch for Mark to see a particular payment, circled in red with a question mark next to it. “We noticed it a few weeks ago, but decided to let go. We all are different and have different needs and nobody’s here to judge, but in the light of recent events… A payment for a camboy video signed with your university email account? Mark, you’re smarter than that.”

Mark closes his eyes, trying to keep his head cool and not to panic about getting caught. He knows he can’t lie much, all the payment data is writing there in black and white, so he chooses not to say anything at all and see where it takes him.

“We would’ve let it slide, there are countless sites like that and we can’t fight all of them, but yesterday the authorities went through the papers and we had to shut it down and start an investigation.” The supervisor says, and a bunch of thoughts start working themselves into Mark’s brain yet again.

First, he fucked up and if this is not one of those ‘bought’ police stations Jaebum mentioned, he just gave them an opportunity to fight a fucking syndicate made of powerful famous men, which can end terribly; second, now it suddenly started to make sense as to why he couldn’t access the site yesterday, when he tried to check that maybe, just _maybe_ , Jaebum is fine; that maybe he’s running only from Mark.

And honestly, he would be fine with that, not seeing his boyfriend ever again – if only he would get that one text message, one note telling that the younger is alive and safe, somewhere away from this mess. He’s able to deal with a heartbreaks, if Jaebum’s safety is in question.

“Mark, if you know something about it, tell. If someone else finds out that you paid for it, you’ll be in trouble as well.”

“I understand all that.”

“I’ll ask one last time, do you know something?”

_Does he?_

Mark is already on the verge of forgetting all the small details about what happened when Youngjae hung up on him, frustrated that his hyung doesn’t reply anything to his speech. Mark knows only one fact for sure – the panic wasn’t letting him function properly; the hospital security later telling him that no, they didn’t see a red haired twenty-two year old guy with a bruise on his cheek exiting the building during the last few hours not helping either. Mark couldn’t take their words seriously though, not when he had to wake one of the guards up to talk to him, and the other one wasn’t even there before his colleague finally called him. And then Mark was told that no, they can’t let him look at the security cameras, because that requires either a whole lot of paperwork or an emergency, and he neither had the required papers nor could announce a patient with a fake name an emergency without having to spill a whole lot of details he couldn’t tell.

So he ran out into the cold evening of early December without even putting a jacket on, a few lazy snowflakes snuggling into his hair, but he didn’t care about the cold or snow – there was more important stuff to search for than warmth. Mark didn’t know where he should go, hurriedly making a few circles around the hospital and its surroundings in a childish hope that Jaebum only needed some fresh air in a nearby park, still full of patients and their visitors. For a split second, it even seemed that he found the guy, a familiar looking mop of red hair shining under a streetlamp and Mark was about to sigh in relief, but when he came closer, it wasn’t Jaebum, just a guy who looked very similar from behind.

“You alright?” the stranger asked, seeing Mark sitting down on a cold pavement, head buried in his lap trying to stop the madness ruining his mind. He didn’t answer and the guy didn’t question anymore, leaving him alone like some sort of a weirdo.

When he finally found the strength to stand up, the next stop in his search plan was his own flat, maybe thanks to some weird miracle Jaebum went to his place again, for god knows what reason – maybe he woke up earlier than expected and just got scared after not finding Mark in the ward, or something, _anything_ ; Mark would’ve taken any of those reasons.

But Jaebum wasn’t there – the apartment was completely empty, and that was another thing that scared the eldest. Jinyoung not being there and his phone still being turned off made him uneasy to some extent, but he couldn’t find it in himself to panic about that too. It’s not like he didn’t care, he did, but Mark allowed himself to shoo this problem away for a while – maybe Jinyoung was with Yugyeom or some other friends. Maybe he was just somewhere doing something; something harmless, something that wasn’t worth worrying about.

Mark tried calling Jaebum again, honestly, he’d been blasting the younger’s phone for a good hour now, but his efforts were met with another wall – the robotic voice of the phone service lady, saying that Jaebum’s phone is either turned off or he’s in an area with a weak connection. Mark wanted to call Youngjae again, to ask for one more favor, but he knew he couldn’t – Youngjae wouldn’t risk anymore and the system was probably closely watched now that the authorities knew about their previous stunt.

If Mark had to describe how he felt that moment, the explanation would’ve been relatively simple – trapped and suffocated. He felt trapped in a maze that kept building series of suffocating new walls whenever he took a step to escape it.

After that, realizing that he couldn’t just continue standing in his own living room like that, he took a jacket and headed to the last location he could’ve thought of with a head pounding in pain and heart throbbing in panic – Jaebum’s flat.

He didn’t have a spare key, even though they have talked about that a few times Mark would always forget to take it, so he didn’t know what he was supposed to do if it turned out that the person he was searching for wasn’t there. It was exactly what happened – Mark spent fifteen minutes helplessly knocking on the door until Jaebum’s neighbor, an old lady, opened her door obviously irritated by all the noise, but looking at Mark curiously nevertheless.

“You’d think,” she said, startling Mark as he didn’t hear her at all, resting his head against the cold wood of Jaebum’s door, thinking what on earth he should do next, “That this boy is somewhat special with all these visitors lining up in front of his door.”

“Excuse me?” Mark asked, ears catching the unexpected word that immediately made him turn around and face her. “Visitors?”

“Who are you, kid?” she asked instead of answering his question. “I don’t think I’ve seen you here ever before.”

Mark didn’t know why his brain told him to say so, it didn’t even make sense, but perhaps it was his paranoia speaking; for a second he truly considered the possibility of the woman being related to this whole thing too – maybe she was hired to keep an eye on Jaebum or something. It did sound stupid and like a drama, but who the fuck could know at this point? “I’m his… cousin.”

“You all probably come from a very big family then.” The neighbor told, buying the lie as if it wasn’t obvious from Mark’s red cheeks and sweating forehead that he was bullshitting his life away. However, the latter didn’t really register these words after she added, “He’s not home. At least not now.”

“Not now?”

“He was here, a few hours ago, I heard him coming back. Not that I spy on people or anything.” Those words almost made Mark’s heart stop, a sharp pain suddenly shooting through his chest. At least Jaebum was alive, that was the most important thing.

“Was he alone?”

The old lady thought for a while before slowly nodding. “Yes, he was alone. Went somewhere again quite soon though. He always was a very strange kid, ever since he moved here.”

“Really?” He realized that this woman in front of him was probably the only link he had with Jaebum at that moment and he wasn’t about to let it go. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Not a very typical college boy, you know. Never threw any parties, never had any friends over, didn’t talk with neighbors much. Only left me a spare key once when he needed to go somewhere for a longer time and didn’t have where to leave his cat, but even then we talked for a few minutes and he didn’t tell me anything.”

The only words that reached Mark out of this entire monologue were “a spare key” and he took the opportunity. “Do you, perhaps, still have that key?”

“I do. He never came to take it back and I kept it, just in case.”

“Can I borrow it for a while? I had to take some stuff from him and we agreed to meet in this place, but he’s obviously going to be late.” Mark didn’t even know how these lies formed in his head so quickly. “And I don’t really want to stand here in the hallway until he comes back.”

“Sure.” The woman said before showing up with the key in her hand after a few moments. “Don’t forget to return it if he doesn’t come back, okay?”

Mark nodded, putting the key in the lock and hearing a soft, silent click, not knowing what to expect. He knew Jaebum wasn’t there, but he also had no idea what the younger had returned for or why he might have been _forced_ to return, however, he didn’t find any answers either – the flat seemed exactly the same like the last time he saw it; Mark could’ve sworn that he even remembered the empty pizza box from weeks ago, still neatly lined against the trashcan, never taken out.

Nothing looked unusual – a few books were left on the table in the living room and some notes on the floor; some clothes, probably for washing, dumped in the laundry basket in the bathroom. The cat was also there, soundly sleeping on Jaebum’s bed, looking absolutely calm and Mark thought that the fact she was still there could meanly only positive things – he knew that Jaebum loved this ball of fur too much to leave her behind like that; maybe that even meant he was planning to come back soon enough.

And then Mark noticed a hospital pajama thrown on the ground in the bedroom next to a wardrobe and he only sighed at it, feeling how his feet couldn’t hold him up anymore, sliding down on the floor, back resting against the bed.

He had no idea what to do and he couldn’t ask for help; all he could do was to pray that Jaebum is okay. Mark didn’t notice how he started crying for what seemed a hundredth time that evening, and he hated himself for being so weak, but he didn’t know any other way to deal with it. He flinched in surprise when Nora, apparently wide awake now, nuzzled her tiny head into the nape of his neck as if trying to comfort him, finally showing at least some friendliness.

It didn’t really make him feel any better, but at least he eventually stopped crying, standing up to wash his mess of a face and finally leave, because there was nothing else he could do.

“I hope there won’t be any more of his cousins visiting tonight.” The old neighbor said when Mark knocked on her door to return the key. “I’m an old person, I need some rest too.”

Finally, Mark’s ears registered plural in her words, so he repeated, “Cousins?”

“Yes, there was this other cousin who came for a visit a bit earlier than you. Two people actually, but only one introduced himself as his cousin when I finally went out to complain about the noise. Knocking was unbearable.”

“How did those people look?”

“I didn’t look that much at the older man, but the other one… Hmm… Looked somewhere around your age and height, dark hair, very nice manners. He had a way with his words.” Suddenly she chuckled and blushed remembering the encounter. “His smile was also very nice, whenever he smiled his eye corners would form these weird lines, like cat whiskers. Very adorable young man, if he’s your cousin, tell him that I still remember him.”

“Yeah… I definitely will.”

If Mark was confused before, now he thought he was plainly going out of his mind, because the description of the guy, severely and weirdly reminded him of _Jinyoung_.

 

“Mark?” the voice of his supervisor snaps him out of his memories. “Do you know something or not?”

However, the latter only shakes his head. He doesn’t know, maybe he’ll regret this, maybe they indeed could help them and end this nightmare, but he couldn’t risk, saying, “Sorry, but I have no idea what are you talking about. My class starts in an hour, can I go?”

The supervisor sighs, as if watching a grown up man digging a grave for himself and gestures him to go, telling, “If, by any chance, you remember something, anything, before it’s not too late, give me a call or come to my office.”

“Okay.”

Mark doesn’t go to his classes though, he has enough attendance points to allow himself to skip a day. Instead, after exchanging quick glances with Youngjae, whose turn is apparently next, he takes a subway home, feeling like his heart will stop if he spends awake a few minutes more. He collapses onto his bed, mentally telling himself that it’s only for a few minutes and then he’ll go to search for Jaebum again, but when he finally opens his eyes, it’s already dark outside and his phone shows 7:48 PM, indicating an eight hour nap.

Jinyoung is finally home, making himself tea in the kitchen when Mark shows up there and something, maybe the weird description that the old woman gave him, makes the latter feel stiff around the flatmate, making the latter ask a seemingly innocent, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Mark is not even sure whether Jinyoung knows about what’s going on, but on the other hand, if he’s really involved, he _should_. But instead of a confrontation about that, he says, “Where have you been? I called you several times.”

“Places.” Jinyoung answers with a light, friendly smile, which for some reason looks scary now. “Sorry for not calling you back, I had to disappear for a while to do my things. You know, people sometimes do that, disappear.”

Mark weakly smiles back, feeling the tension even in his bones. “Yeah… Sometimes they really do that.”

This whole conversation seems weird, they never talked like that, and maybe Mark is simply too paranoid with all the possibilities bugging him, but his feet itches to run away from the younger as fast as he can. “I need— I need some fresh air. Going for a walk.”

He almost runs down the corridor to escape the building, bumping into a man outside, the one who worked as some sort of a security guard of the place; a man in his late 50s who at first wants to curse at the idiot who sprints down the corridors like that, but seeing that it’s Mark, the man smiles at him. “Run like that and you’ll break a bone or two for someone in no time. Where are you going, son? It’s not safe to be strutting around the neighborhood at this time.”

“Just for a walk.” Mark responds after he stops apologizing.

“Some hooligans smashed one of our cameras, I was trying to see how much damage was done.” The man tells after Mark asks what _he_ is doing here, more out of simple politeness than true curiosity.

And suddenly Mark remembers, they indeed do have CCTVs installed around their building – they got them a week ago or so, that’s why he completely forgot about even paying their flat’s share for all the fees, and he gets an idea. “We have this course in university where they teach us to work with security cameras.” It’s an utter lie, but if it works… “I could take a look into those, maybe we’ll manage to see who’s responsible?”

The man agrees in a blink of an eye, happy that at least someone in his building cares about something like that, and five minutes later, Mark is in the room of the guard, sitting at a table with an old computer which is slower than a turtle, but he doesn’t mind – he’s looking through folders, searching for the right date, even though the man beside him doesn’t understand why Mark is bringing up footage from two nights ago.

A few mouse clicks and he finally sees the truth, or at least a tiny part of it, a part that should help him navigate through the disaster he’s in; and he wants to laugh in some sort of relief, because Jaebum was wrong, he was _fucking wrong_.

The timestamp says 4:48 AM when cameras first catch Jaebum on tape near the building. He’s stumbling, barely having enough strength to drag himself towards his destination, but still stubbornly moving. Another footage says 4:53 AM when he finally reaches the door of the building – and all this time he’s alone, no one dropped him off, no one followed him. It was his own willpower to drag himself to the only place he could ever truly call home – Mark’s embrace.

Something in Mark’s brain finally clicks, Jinyoung’s words about disappearing and Jaebum’s words told weeks ago about secret places somehow making sense, putting itself into one big picture.

“Hey, where are you going, what about the broken camera!” The guard’s voice echoes through the room, but Mark doesn’t care – he’s in a rush.

 

When he finally gets off a cab in a seemingly weird part of the city, a bridge with a heavy evening traffic leaving the driver complaining about having to stop in such an inconvenient place, Mark runs all those meters to reach Mapo Bridge so fast, he feels his lungs burning, praying that he would be right.

Jaebum could be anywhere but here, it’s a slim chance for them to appear in the same place at the same time like that, but seems like the universe still has some pity for them – because there he is, it doesn’t take long for Mark to notice a familiar figure, hiding in his secret escape place, even though it’s not secret at all.

And even though Mark is relieved, it also brings another wave of worry, because Jaebum is leaning over the railing a bit too dangerously for it to be only a simple carelessness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise, i'm back to bug you a little more this week haha, i just had some extra time during the weekend and this is a result of my 4am madness. 
> 
> me: is a strong supporter of the idea that markbum should get some closure  
> also me: they meet in the last paragraph of 4k words and dont even talk yet
> 
> i actually got crazy enough to put the fic in twitter search (imagine the joy and amount of results one gets after searching for chewing gum) and !!! wow thank you for all the tweets?? i tried not to make this update Stressful and short like someone tweeted, lmao, but it came out Stressful and semi-short, though a bit longer than usual updates. 
> 
> Okay, anyway, i hope you liked the update and as always, comments are very welcomed


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just for the sake of less confusion when the topic arises, the legal age in korea is 19, but probably y'all know that already.
> 
> also, hello, i'm back to pain you

Jaebum always considered himself a stray cat.

Never feeling an actual urge of closure, thinking he doesn’t even remember how it feels, to be truly loved by someone else than his family; being his own best friend and support when times get tough. It might have come off as being selfish and self-absorbed at some point of his life, and Jaebum actually wasn’t against having this kind of image – if only it created a certain distance between him and people – but somewhere, behind those brick walls he was trapping himself in, he knew that he was only insecure and afraid; scared of getting hurt and pushed away.

So when he turned his head, feeling as if someone was watching him, and saw Mark Tuan standing there out of breath, all pale from lack of sleep and obviously thinner, as if he has lost a few kilograms he had so little on him already from stress, his only reaction was to take a step back, bumping into the railing and feeling the cold metal painfully pressing against his back.

He really didn’t understand why the hell Mark even bothered when Jaebum was about to give up.

 

Mark feels like his lungs are on fire when he finally reaches the spot where Jaebum is standing. The latter looks surprised and scared, so, so scared; reminding more of a deer in headlights than a stray cat he likes to imagine himself as – eyes wide in panic and sparkling as if he’s about to burst in tears, biting lips to suppress it.

Mark is also afraid, terrified that it could take only one careless move and Jaebum could do something stupid, so he tries to get himself together, for the sake of them both, and remember all those university courses of how to deal with situations like that. However, all of them seem so useless now, because nothing can be applied to the situation they’re stuck in. “Jaebum.” Is the only thing that escapes his lips, a mix of relief and fear evident in his voice. 

“Don’t come closer.” Jaebum’s voice is surprisingly calm and confident, emotionless even, making a stark contrast with his appearance and Mark stops amidst his step. There are a few people passing by, probably the last passersby for a long time, because it’s late, but nobody spares them a glance – they might come off as yet another boring scene of lovers quarreling about something, and nobody has time to care about that. “Stay where you are.”

“Why?” Mark slowly asks, trying to catch even the slightest signs of the younger’s body language as an attempt to hold onto at least something that would allow him to predict what’s happening. “Jaebum—“

“Why.” Jaebum repeats laughing, laugh cold and sarcastic as if he would consider his boyfriend a fool for not being able to get it immediately. “You ask me _why_. You look like you’ve gone all the way to hell and back, and yet you ask me why I’m trying to relieve you from that. Good people never change it seems.”

Mark has no idea where the conversation is leading, the confusion followed by his rapid heartbeat, making him shake in anxiety, but talking and distracting Jaebum until he comes up with a plan on how to at least move the younger away from the railing seems so much better than Mark’s heart temporarily stopping every time he moves. “Good people? You’re not a bad person, either.”

Jaebum only laughs at that again, now sounding unbelieving. “Do you know where I was last night?” He asks, as if trying to reveal his last hidden card that should permanently convince Mark to change his love to the younger into disgust. It’s pretty obvious where he was – Jaebum’s hair is stylrf, all the cuts and bruises on his neck and face are perfectly covered by concealer and that makes Mark’s heart clench in pain yet again, but he shakes his head, trying to keep the conversation going. “We have this thing, they call it a training course. It’s for new people, those unfortunate ones who get into the business for the first time.”

“Training?”

Jaebum nods and Mark subconsciously jolts forward when he nonchalantly sits on the railing, wide just enough for him, the possibility of losing balance and falling backwards into the river being so real – but he doesn’t care, dangling his legs in the same way he always did sitting on Mark’s bed when times were happier, and says, “Stay where you are and we can talk. You can have all the details of what kind of scum I am.”

“You’re not—“ Mark has to gather all of his strength to sound not out of breath, anxiety bubbling up every time it seems like Jaebum is about to fall. To him, the latter is anything but something bad – Jaebum is a spring sun and warmth; he’s a loud laugh and butterflies in stomach, terrible jokes and semi-serious arguments; he’s chaste stolen kisses and cheesy compliments. Nothing that would align with the perspective Jaebum sees himself in.

“You don’t know anything about me, so don’t tell me who I am and who I’m not.” The younger cuts him off and honestly, it hurts, Mark has never heard Jaebum talking like that, but he keeps silent, watching his boyfriend staring at the dark pavement under his feet. “How did you find me?”

“I remembered you calling this your secret escape place, so I figured… I hoped you’ll be here. Luckily, I was right. And you were wrong.”

Jaebum lifts his head. “About what?”

“No one dropped you off at my place last night. It was only you, you came alone and I’m not in danger because of that, it turns out we have security cameras around the building so I could watch the recordings and see for myself—“ Mark’s words get more and more rushed as if his mouth wouldn’t be able to keep up with his thoughts and Jaebum tries to maintain a cold face, not showing that a huge weight was just lifted off his shoulders. “You’re not dangerous.”

“Remember the last time we were here?” he asks, trying his best to ignore Mark’s words, even if it’s too painful and hard to do so. Maybe it would be easier to believe that he brings nothing but bad luck, to be convinced that he doesn’t deserve to walk on this ground if he brings nothing but pain to those whom he loves. But Mark, this idiot with his blind love and care, took this opportunity away in a second. “When you asked me why did I start and I told that you can ask everything you want except for how I got into this?”

Mark slowly nods, surprised about the topic being brought up, because it really doesn’t matter how everything _started_ – all that matters now is that they would get a safe happy _ending_. “Yes, I do.”

“Ask again.”

“What?”

“Ask the same question again.” Jaebum repeats looking him right into the eyes, as if challenging him for something that's too hard to handle for someone as innocent as Mark Tuan. However, no matter how tough it would seem, the latter doesn’t run away from this, stubbornly trying show the guy in front of him that whatever happens, he’s still going to love and accept him.

So Mark, after a warning that he’s just going to lean against a streetlamp as they seem like they will stay here for a while, so that Jaebum wouldn’t get any stupid ideas, complies. “What got you into this mess?”

He doesn’t know what he should expect to hear – maybe there’s someone to blame, like your stereotypical shady old man in a van with dark tinted glasses promising Jaebum a fortune for a few easy jobs, or maybe a “modelling” agency which there are plenty of these days – he’s ready for _anything_ , but, ironically, not for what is actually told. “I got into it myself, no one to blame. No one tricked me into this, no one even forced me. Here’s your mystery Mark, I’m that fucked up so I did that myself.”

“What… What do you mean?”

And then Jaebum starts the tale of his life, something he always tried to hide after falling in love, to delete that part of his personality. “I always was, how do you call them, a very angry kid. Nothing was wrong – life was great actually, I grew up in a very loving family, my grades were alright, everything was okay… Except me, somewhere deep inside. I would get these random outbursts of anger and couldn’t do anything about it. At first it wasn’t anything major either – I was just an asshole to everyone, to my mom, to dad, to my friends. I saw how much it was hurting them – slowly my friends got fed up with this shit and left, and my mom just kept crying and I hated seeing her like that, so eventually… I managed to direct all the rage into myself.”

“Into yourself?” By now Mark feels like he’s only repeating whatever the younger says; his blood freezing in his veins, leaving him cold and sad.

Jaebum nods. “Whenever I felt angry, I… used to get a kick out of doing stupid things. At first it was nothing _that_ bad – only a few drinks too many and a few reckless bar fights, then it eventually turned into running across a street with my eyes closed to see if I manage to make it to the other end. It did help, it was dumb and dangerous, but I wasn’t feeling angry anymore after doing that – and everyone was happy.”

And then one day Jaebum met this guy, a friend’s friend’s friend or something like that, who was camboying and told him he has the looks for it. It was actually more of a joke when they all got drunk and high in the middle of nowhere in that guy’s car; Jaebum remembers it quite vaguely, but after his lucky streak was finally broken and he felt nothing but anger pulsing in his temples even after hearing those weirdly beautiful car horns and yelling drivers, he found that guy again, deciding that maybe selling his body for others to enjoy would be enough of a kick to destroy whatever demon he was carrying in his heart.

“What a wonder, it helped again.” Jaebum says to Mark, who looks more and more terrified hearing all these things said so nonchalantly as if they would be talking about their university assignments or what they’ll eat for dinner tomorrow. “And I also lucked out – I guess there was a demand at that time, so I was reeking in those views, got less and less angry, because there wasn’t much left in me to feel emotions with, what else could I have wanted? I told my parents that I signed a contract with a modelling agency, they were suspicious, but didn’t question, they trusted me too much. I gave them all my money to repay for all those broken windows and scratched cars they were fined for because of my rage fits, and we all lived happily – soon I hit it big enough and didn’t need to do it regularly, only once every few weeks if I felt the anger and irritation coming back, and still make a living.”

Then, after a year and a half, Jaebum met the man. He was one of the regular viewers, completely out of his mind for Jaebum and his body, it seemed. And the latter was unsuspecting, being paid for a private broadcast and ready to work his ass off, both literally and figuratively, for some money, but what a surprise – the man said he only wanted to talk. It was unusual, Jaebum was already used to everyone on the website treating him like an object you can order around and jack off to, so a long talk session was what he needed, and the offer was made.

“He said that if I agree, I’ll be able to choose whether I want to quit camboying and be with him, or to do both, he won’t mind.” Jaebum says not looking at Mark this time, knowing very well how the latter should feel hearing these bizarre things about a man he seems to love so much. “And I was actually down for it, I could’ve made so much more money to support my parents, but at the same time, it wasn’t about _money_ anymore – I was so used to what I was doing, one more man to please, this time not virtually but in real life, didn’t seem like a big deal. Besides, I was afraid that my anger issues will come back if I stop, and you can call me stupid because that’s what I am and even more, but selling myself seemed so much better idea than to man up and seek for a professional help.”

Jaebum agreed with the offer, still keeping his camboy account, and it wasn’t until a few months later that he was finally deemed fit to be introduced to the actual scheme and the rules of how this whole sick game was actually supposed to work. He got a new flat in a prestigious neighborhood in the center of Seoul, a car, a fully paid tuition if he decided that he wanted to study – his sugar daddy could allow himself to waste that much money on someone, because he was a businessman, seemingly innocent and a goner for his wife and two kids judging by the campaign speeches on TV as he was trying to become a politician – all Jaebum needed to do was to spread his legs once demanded, but he got caught off guard when he heard that he’ll have to have sex with everyone his sugar daddy will tell him to.  

It didn’t take long for him to realize that there was a whole organization and hierarchy there, consisting of always changing customers, famous and rich people mostly, and them, a whole bunch of guys and girls, human toys. Jaebum’s “owner” soon noticed that the latter is on a high demand for trades and easy to turn into a profit, returning everything he had ever spent on him. And even then Jaebum didn’t have it in himself to mind; he didn’t even remember the faces of people he had slept with, because there was no point in doing that – the less you know and less you remember, the better.

“Turns out,” Jaebum laughs, the sound of it full of pain, “I was their favorite and most profitable item. Yes, not a person, an _item_. I worked pretty well and never caused any shit, so I got some certain freedoms, like—“ he stops for a while, searching for the best words in his head, but it still sounds quite terrible when he opens his mouth again. “Like a freedom to fall in love with someone, someone like you, and it was fine. They had what they paid me for, and I couldn’t complain much knowing I agreed to all of this beforehand. And then we were introduced to a system of so called training.”

Jaebum himself was already experienced enough and didn’t need to go through one, but the “upper hands” as they were called, one day got bored of timid and inexperienced people that were sent to them, so there was a plan created, one that Jaebum, as one of the best and most professional workers, had to closely watch and secure it was going as decided.

“Remember when I said that I’m into this deeper than you’d think from the first sight, and that’s why it’s not that easy for me to run away, even if I wanted?” Jaebum asks, not failing to notice a betraying tear that Mark quickly wipes away before nodding his head. “It would’ve been so easy to just turn in their filthy asses to police if was just a regular prostitute, Mark, and I probably would’ve done it months ago. But no, they’re smart – they run governments and countries for god’s sake – they got us involved _directly_. A few people, the selected “lucky” ones, me included, had a word in deciding what kind of people to bring to what customer, we had to take care of a “problem” if newbies were virgins, stuff like that.”

It was partially Jaebum’s achievement that a few weeks after, using his best persuasion, and other, skills, he made sure that no more minors would be involved into this, all people working were supposed strictly over nineteen; no force could’ve been used while the candidates were making their decision. He tried to become more of a friend and support for all those people who were fascinated by money and having no idea what they were about to face; a somewhat caring figure on top of those _items_ , who sometimes would shed a tear or two while Jaebum would “prepare” them for the industry. He was a shelter for everyone he managed to save, ensuring them softness and warmth when everything was unbearable, even if none of that was returned to him.

By that part of the story, Mark is finally crying openly from shock hearing these things and it almost looks like Jaebum will get off the railing to wipe his tears away. But the younger only smiles, as if remembering something warm and says, “I didn’t mind to be destroyed myself, but then… Then _you_ happened.” Mark’s teary eyes are questioning, so he continues. “I was planning to ditch that dating event before I saw you. I wasn’t there for my own pleasure, I was told to go and look around for some fresh new faces who would be willing to work. That flashy guy, what was his name, Bambam? I heard he eventually got hired even though we never met after that.”

It makes Mark’s heart do a painful somersault in his chest and lift his head, asking an unbelieving, “So… You want to say that you approached me because… I was supposed to join too?”

Jaebum shakes his head so suddenly and so hard, for a second it looks like’s he’s about to fall backwards, but he manages to keep his balance intact. “Don’t ever think I came up to you for that. Sounds disgusting, but I have a trained eye for things like that, I see who has the potential and you… You were sitting there being so done with the entire world,” Jaebum chuckles, memories filling his head. “It was ridiculous and endearing at the same time. You seemed like a regular normal guy, not ruined by this fucked up world, full of friendliness that I was searching for, and even at first you threw my number out and I was only curious how it feels to date without being paid for it, I… I fell for you, like a dumbass. I didn’t even notice.”

If Mark thought he was suffering through hell thinking about Jaebum doing his broadcasts or heading off to work, now he can only imagine how the younger must’ve felt, wishing that all the fleeting touches he felt on his body would be Mark’s, not some random disgusting man’s, who thinks he can do whatever he wants just because he paid for it. No one could’ve known how much Jaebum hated himself during those moments, but it was too late – he was sinking deeper and deeper into shit that was slowly becoming impossible to run away from. And there was no one to blame – only himself.

“It seems like I myself didn’t quite realize what kind of shit I’m dragging you through before I had to go to work after we slept together that night.” Jaebum admits, head lowered in embarrassment. “And yet I still was dumb enough to tell them about you, to pick your university as a target for our arts project in hopes that maybe, if we still had some luck left to waste, we’d meet. And we did, the very first day, as if the universe itself would’ve wanted us to meet. Or to laugh at us, because it was that night when everything started to go downhill, didn’t it.” 

The client that drugged Jaebum that night was a new one, some businessman who moved to Seoul from a small town on the other side of Korea. A so-called new money thinking that his billions of wons are going to make the world fall under his feet, pulling a stunt with drugs, just because _it was more fun that way_.

When Jaebum returned to work last night, in fear of being searched for if he simply disappeared despite having a schedule, his sugar daddy asked him why he’s bruised, but didn’t even raise an eyebrow hearing a brief report of what happened, as if he didn’t care. It was obvious that the man felt less and less interested in him after learning about existence of Mark – the reason why more often than not Jaebum called the wrong name during sex or while sleeping, when he was too drained to go home after working.

However, it didn’t change the fact that Jaebum was still one of the most popular escorts who could’ve been traded and sold to people who didn’t know about these complications, as his relationship was called. So that’s why the man who drugged him was only blacklisted with no other consequences and Jaebum was told to patch himself up in order to look at least a bit more presentable and sent to training instead of the usual night schedule until his bruises would heal, leaving the scars etched in his soul.

“That’s it, that’s the story.” Jaebum says with a sigh, looking drained as if talking about his life would’ve physically sucked the energy out of him. “That’s the story of how I tried to solve my problems and fucked myself up even more, dragging countless people after me.”

Mark takes a while, too shocked and scared by all the pain that’s dripping through the edges of Jaebum’s heart, but his answer that comes after a few moments, is stubborn and confident. “You didn’t drag me anywhere. I wanted to be here and you have no blame in this. And I’m not going away – we all make mistakes, stupid ones and even terrible ones, but it’s okay. We all fuck up and we all deserve a second chance.”

Jaebum closes his eyes with a deep sigh, not understanding where Mark got his ridiculous habit of seeing light even in the darkest night. “Listen. I love you, I love you to death and if me flinging myself off this bridge and adding up to the statistics of this place would grant you being happy, I wouldn’t hesitate, but I don’t want to lie to you. There’s no way for me to start anew. All I can do is to leave you here so you wouldn’t get hurt anymore, hoping that you’ll get over me sooner or later, and wait for them to either get bored or completely ruin me. I’m just a toy, a chewing gum if you will, my life doesn’t belong to me and the fact that they can simply snap their fingers and their subordinates would go after you if they won’t be satisfied with my performance… I can’t live with that.”

Suddenly, a ridiculous thought flashes in Mark’s head; he doesn’t even know where it’s coming from, and it sounds so blunt, nasty and even offensive, when he asks, “How much?”

“How much what?”

“How much do you cost?” Mark finally finishes the sentence, words leaving a weird taste in his mouth and his eyes following the younger’s reaction. “If you can’t just quit and it works like you said, I can try buying you out.”

Jaebum helplessly laughs, because Mark has no idea what he just said, he really has no understanding of what kind of money is circulating there, murmuring plans without having any ground for them. “No. First, you wouldn’t have enough money to buy me for two weeks. Second, I wouldn’t let you.”

“I can take out a loan, work part-time—“

“ _No._ ” Jaebum’s voice is strict. “Get this thought out of your head, you’re not tying yourself to me like that.”

Mark’s head hit his knees as he’s sitting on the cold pavement, heart aching from the story and being completely helpless about it. Where did all those happy stories in newspapers go, those about prostitution rings being found out about and all the people behind it being locked in jail? There has to be a way, something, _anything_ – it’s not possible to have a situation without a solution, but it seems like they’re an exception to the rule.

“Then what’s now? What are we supposed to do?”

Jaebum takes a deep breath trying to fight the real version of what he wants to say from escaping him mouth. He knows he needs to keep it in, he can’t be weak because it’s Mark’s well-being that’s the most important here, the elder’s safety being at stake; and honestly, a heartbreak is the least painful thing that can happen in this situation.

“Now, you’ll stand up and catch a cab to go home, take a hot shower, drink a cup of tea and go to sleep. Tomorrow, you’ll wake up with all my stuff gone from your apartment, my old number blocked and untraceable and you’ll never see me again. I… I will stay here for a while, wait for you to text me that you’re home safe, and then… Then I don’t know.”

Mark is crying again, by now he’s simply sobbing hearing this, but at the same time he feels like they really have no other choice, if he wants Jaebum to be safe, because it feels like everyone is against them, so lifts his head for one last time. “Can I ask you something?”

Jaebum’s face is soft, the same familiar softness that he saves for Mark and him only. “Sure. Whatever you want.”

“Can you… Can you hug me for the last time?” That’s that – simple, easy and not requiring anything. Just a hug, not even a kiss, as if to reassure that everything’s going to be alright, in one way or another.

Jaebum keeps silent for a while, then he nods and sets his feet on the pavement, finally not in danger of falling anymore. He kneels down next to Mark, brushing the latter’s tears away from his cheeks with the gentlest touch he could possibly know, placing a warm kiss on the elder’s forehead instead of a goodbye before pulling Mark into his embrace.

Mark can’t stop sobbing, tears now plainly hysteric and he thinks that he can feel Jaebum’s body shaking in an attempt to suppress the sob that’s threatening to come out, forever strong for Mark. None of them want to, but Jaebum has to let go, they can’t stand here for an eternity. And when the younger’s hands finally leave Mark’s back, another thing happens and the latter can’t wrap his head around it at all.

They hear a whole lot of deafeningly squeaking car tires, police sirens making it hard to hear their own confused thoughts, and in a mere second Mark hears people yelling and there are three policemen tackling Jaebum down on the ground. Mark freezes in his spot, cheeks still wet from tears, and he realizes that he recognizes the policemen because they all work at the same police station, but his thoughts are soon interrupted by a fourth man that is approaching him.

It’s Yugyeom, dressed in a police uniform and there’s another guy next to him, now shaking Mark’s shoulder and trying to make him snap out of whatever is going through his mind. It’s… Jinyoung.  

“You sent police after me?” Jaebum asks, when he’s finally up on his feet after a wrestle with policemen, handcuffs painfully pressing into the skin of his wrists, stare shocked and betrayed. “So, all of this was just a circus to get me spill the beans and then arrest me? Fuck, I never imagined you being this good of an actor, all these tears and love confessions.”

“I didn’t know!” He wants to tell Jaebum something, to explain what’s going on, the only problem being that he doesn’t know anything himself. _Why is Yugyeom here with police, why is Jinyoung here too, when it was so clear to Mark that he’s with the bad guys?_ “I had no—“

“Fuck you.” That’s the only thing Jaebum says, spitting under his feet, before the policemen drag him away to the police car and Mark wants to run after him, however, he can’t, someone is holding him in a firm embrace to stop him from moving and that someone is none other than his flatmate.

“Stop. It’s for the best right now.” He begs, trying his best to hold Mark still. “As we’re standing here now, all those shits that are running the business are being arrested. The police station you’re working in was tapping you for months, they have enough proof, Jaebum will be fine.”

Mark doesn’t know what all of this mean, what tapping and what kind of proof, but judging from the last stare Jaebum gives him during that split second when the police car moves past them, taking him away to face the consequences, burning with hatred, it doesn’t feel like so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, wow, solving mess here only leads to more stressful mess but hey, at least jinyoung's not a snake, right? 
> 
> don't throw stones at me for this pls. we're gonna be done next week, because i'll update it twice. original plan was a double update this week, but a have 2 papers to write over the weekend, so, sigh.  
> anyway, i hope you liked the pain and comments are always welcomed


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know if i mentioned that before, probably not, but yugyeom's age is a bit tweaked to match his role in this story better, so let's just say he's a tad bit older than mark; it doesn't make a lot of difference to the story itself really.

There’s an emotional state where you’re in such shock, confusion and fear, you don’t actually feel _anything_ anymore - tears seem unable to roll down your cheeks, panic no longer repeatedly washes over your body. Everything feels like in a weird blur, you don’t really see or hear anyone next to you anymore; in a way, maybe you could describe it as being trapped in a huge translucent bubble, your own brain trying to protect you from an impending breakdown. And Mark Tuan is a pretty good textbook-like example of this.

He feels his lips trembling as if he’s about to cry, but Mark knows he’s not going to when Jinyoung’s strong but caring hand on his shoulder guides him to a car; he only notices that he’s shaking when Yugyeom, walking a few steps behind them, reaches his arm out just in time to catch him from stumbling and falling.

Mark’s brain is about to have a meltdown, because first, a bit more than ten minutes ago the possibility of Jaebum falling backwards from the railing felt so, so real, second – he still doesn’t know what just happened in front of his eyes. It seems like he just can’t snap out of this weird trance, and Jinyoung gives up on trying to get a word out of him for the sake of distraction while Yugyeom is driving them somewhere. To a police station, that is.

It reminds of an interrogation room, and maybe it’s exactly that, Mark doesn’t remember, he never worked in this side of the building, but after looking around he sees nothing but a laptop on a table, open and turned on, Yugyeom sitting down in front of it and Jinyoung sitting next to the eldest as if to support him. Yugyeom doesn’t rush, maybe allowing Mark to get used to the quite unpleasant environment, he opens a can of soda, the container’s bright and artificial colors so not matching the monochrome surroundings.

“You’re probably very confused.” His voice is nice and pleasant, your designated good cop in action, and it makes Mark sick for some reason.

“What the fuck is going on.” It’s the first thing the latter forces out of his lips, the sound of it reminding more of a mumble than a question that is supposed to be filled with rage he’s feeling inside. It doesn’t even sound like a question actually, just a plain statement as if to show that he’s still capable of talking.

Yugyeom smiles, the smile a bit sad and compassionate – usual tricks which Mark doesn’t trust at all, only feeling his body getting tense. “First, we need you to tell us some things, and then we can talk about what happened and why.”

Mark leans back in his chair, feeling the leather sticking to his sweaty back. He doesn’t know where’s the courage coming from, but he doesn’t care anymore either – Jaebum hates him and that’s enough for him to lose all the temper. “I’m not saying a word until I get answers to _my_ questions.”

Yugyeom wants to argue, it’s obvious that he does, but Jinyoung shoots a pleading look at him, so he complies, at the very back of Mark’s head making the latter wonder how exactly they are related. “Okay, I guess I can give you that. This room is completely unmonitored, so we can talk freely, no secrets and stuff. Though I’d still like to remind that nothing that we are going to discuss should leave this room.” After Mark’s slight nod, he continues. “I’m Kim Yugyeom, junior criminal investigator, and one of the people directly responsible for this case.”

“This case?” Mark slowly repeats, the words leaving a bitter taste on his lips. He still hoped, silently prayed even, that police would’ve arrived because of some passerby who reported a suicidal-looking guy on a railing of a bridge – it’s foolish, he knows, but somehow feels better than reality.

“To understand what happened, you need to know some backstory to it.” Yugyeom says, handing him a pile of papers, taking them out of what seems thin air to Mark. “It was summer last year when one of our colleagues from the police station got his hands on this particular man. Seemingly, nothing serious – just a very dumb rich guy got tricked by a girl he slept with and got some of his belongings stolen.”

It was a very usual process – the man filed a complaint, so the police station had to start an investigation, however, it led to much more interesting things than an expensive watch and a few credit cards. The girl who eventually got caught turned out to be very talkative after being threatened with some jail time, she spilled some details and then police realized that she wasn’t working alone, she belonged to an entire _organization_.

“And it still wasn’t anything shocking, we used to bump into small local businesses from time to time, a few people, usually no more than ten or fifteen, they all go to jail after a week or two and we move on. But this time, the more we tried to get deeper in order to backtrack all the people behind this, the more we got stuck – it felt like we were bumping into walls that someone would've been putting up to block us from all the info. And we understood why pretty soon, when all the information we managed to buy or find out in other ways, led to a few insanely rich and famous people, a few camming websites and so on.”

Mark silently shuffles through the papers he’s given, barely listening to what Yugyeom is saying – he doesn’t care about _other_ people, all he wants to know is how it led them to him and Jaebum, and what’s waiting ahead.

He sees some sort of a map made out of people, colored lines tangling into a web, going from one surname to another – it’s mostly politicians, businessmen, there’s a name of a famous singer, an anchorwoman from a national broadcasting station, and many more. Mark feels his blood freezing a little, when he sees Jaebum’s photo and name included as well.

It’s undoubtedly taken from his passport or a student ID copy, Mark knows very well that police has their ways to obtain these, and he can’t believe himself when it somehow brings a little smile on his lips, because Jaebum looks so innocent with a small humble smile, face clean of worry and eyes bright, the photo obviously taken before all the mayhem he got himself into – but then again, there are a few question marks next to him, as if the investigators weren’t sure what role was he playing in all of this, and a few red lines, connecting him with some men.

“We came to a conclusion that we won’t be able to get anywhere without having our person there.” Yugyeom continues, looking a bit uncomfortable noticing Mark’s longing stare, as if he would be witnessing something personal and private. “A person who would agree to get involved directly and provide us any possible information from the inside.”

“So you threw me and Jaebum under the bus for that?” Mark himself gets surprised how emotionless he sounds, as if he suddenly has lost any ability to properly react to what’s being said.

To his surprise, Yugyeom shakes his head. “That’s not what we intended, at all. We agreed on sending an experienced person, one who would know what he’s doing, no offense. But life works in weird ways and that’s where another story gets here. I met Jinyoung a few years ago when he was a freshman in his university, trying to steal some bottles of soju from a convenience store.”

Mark frowns, not sure how all of this is relevant and Jinyoung mumbles only, “I’m not proud of this, okay. I was drunk and it was a dare.”

“Anyway.” Yugyeom continues his reminiscence of the good old times. “I didn’t turn his ass in back then and we actually became pretty good friends. And then one day, he calls me to chat about something, some indie music festival that’s taking place in Daegu and when I ask why can’t he go with his flatmate, he says that he’s going to be busy dating, quote, _his camboy_.”

Jinyoung tries to avoid Mark’s burning stare, cheeks cherry red, and the latter is trying to connect all the dots, but he’s struggling as some things just _don’t make sense_. “He’s been talking about that festival ages before I and Jaebum officially started dating. And the festival was a bit more than three weeks ago – there’s no way you could’ve gathered all the evidence in a period this short.”

“You know how well Jinyoung goes along with exaggerations.” Yugyeom sighs and the latter tries his best not to look offended about them talking like he’s not even in the room. “You indeed weren’t dating yet. I think he told me about all this camboy stuff after the second meeting of yours, if I recall correctly.”

So it all started just a day or two after Jinyoung’s drunken adventures and convenience store trashing; that time when Mark convinced Jaebum to stay for the night due to the younger being all tired and with a hoodie that was reeking of vomit. And even though he’s still not sure about what happened exactly, there’s already a pang that hits his heart, because Jaebum is right – in a way, whatever happened tonight, it _was_ because of Mark.

“At first I didn’t know anything myself.” Jinyoung butts in, feeling like he owes at least some sort of an explanation as well. “When I saw Jaebum for the first time that moment, well, sober at least, his face reminded me of someone, someone whom I saw in those files of Yugyeom’s that were scattered on his table when I visited him in the police station once. I also realized that I've seen a few videos of his. It might have slipped, that whole camboying stuff, while we were talking on the phone and the way Yugyeom asked what the guy’s name is seemed weird. But believe it or not, I had no idea what’s going on until a few weeks ago. I’m nobody, not even working in the police, they couldn’t tell me anything.”

“We couldn’t risk letting that go, a camboy could’ve been helpful in trying to find out if we’re looking into the right sites and right people, so we started keeping an eye on you both. Jaebum’s name was something that was vaguely mentioned a few times in the information we had already, but there are countless people named like that, so we didn’t take this seriously until…” Yugyeom makes a slight pause. “Until Choi Youngjae got so sleepy before his early morning shift that he forgot to connect to his VPN while doing his thing and we noticed someone unauthorized is using the tracking servers. A few calls and this particular phone service provider told us that the number belongs to Im Jaebum, and then a lot of questions were solved, as his location at the moment of tracking was a hotel that is rumored to be constantly hosting some questionable meetings.”

Marks stops the guy for a while, having something else on his mind. “So the fact that I met Jaebum in the first place—“

“It wasn’t planned.” Jinyoung answers. “Just a coincidence. I really thought it was a great idea for you to go out for once and maybe meet someone new instead of hibernating at home. I didn’t know it’s going to end up like that.”

“How… How closely were you watching us?” Mark asks, feeling weird, the idea of being monitored for so long without even noticing not sitting well with him.

Yugyeom thinks for a while, as if contemplating whether he should say this. “You both had your phones tapped, then we tried to find a way to look at what’s happening in Jaebum’s flat, however unsuccessfully, so… We put our stuff in your flat as our last hope.”

Mark buries his face in his palms, thinking about all the things that happened in that flat and trying to remember every single word Jaebum has ever told there. And then he remembers, and anger, drenched with disgust starts mixing in his veins. “Were you listening to— Oh my god, you were listening even when we had sex, you sick perverted fucks.”

The guy in front of him becomes defensive in seconds, crossing his hands on his chest. “Listen, it wasn’t the thing I wanted to hear the most either, okay? We had no other choice, in case Jaebum said something, we had to make sure we knew.”

“Okay,” Mark slowly breathes out, feeling slightly insecure, vulnerable even, knowing that police only needed to snap their fingers and he was being tapped for a good few months. “Okay. Let’s say I don’t want to punch any of you right in your faces. But Jaebum kept disappearing, we wouldn’t meet for weeks, he never said anything significant about his work, so where’s the point? You got nothing.”

“Thanks to you and Youngjae we got ahold of his phone conversations, remember? That was a huge help in figuring out all the locations and some people involved. Also, the time when he got back to you after getting drugged, helped us confirm the last things we were unsure about.”

“How?”

It’s Jinyoung’s turn to explain things. “By that time, I more or less knew what’s going on, not everything, since they thought I might make you suspicious, just a brief summary since they had to get my permission for tapping our flat. All I knew was that Jaebum is involved with powerful people and prostitution, so I got scared for you, thinking that he belongs to the crew of those sick bastards. Well, he does, but I thought he’s rotten to the same level as them, so I just wanted to get rid of him as soon as possible, that’s why called Yugyeom that night.”

“It was such a great opportunity.” Yugyeom says, noticing how bizarre it sounds, to describe a drugged and abused person as an _opportunity_. “I called my mom and asked her to take care of the papers, she’s been involved in a few of our cases already, so she didn’t question. Jaebum was there under our supervision and we could’ve ended this way sooner if it wasn’t for him freaking out and running away while I was in police station.”

Mark doesn’t have any more strength to get angry, even though almost everyone around knew what was happening, most importantly, all this time they knew where Jaebum was or what he was doing whenever he would run away from Mark and they _allowed_ him to; allowed a person to be ruined because of their investigation, allowed Mark to sink deeper and deeper into anxiety. “That still doesn’t explain why Jinyoung and some man were trying to get into Jaebum’s flat yesterday.”

“How do you know about that?” Jinyoung asks, for the first time tonight looking a bit surprised.

“While I was searching for him, I met his neighbor, this old lady who was more than willing to gossip.” Mark bitterly laughs, the laugh never reaching his eyes. “Cousin, Jinyoung? Really?”

Jinyoung bites back. “I had to improvise when she started questioning. Yugyeom wanted to send a person whom Jaebum is more or less familiar with, so we would catch him in his flat before he went back to work. We saw how wrecked he was, both mentally and physically, and how scared he was. Police aren’t as much of dickheads as you might think now, they weren’t about to let him suffer through it alone. But we got to his flat a few minutes too late.”

Mark’s eyebrows knit in confusion. “A person whom he’s more or less familiar with? Mark Tuan doesn’t ring a bell? At all?”

“You were out of question.” Jinyoung tells, unfazed by all the sarcasm. “This whole thing fucked you up too much to think straight.”

“Who was that other man?” Mark asks, ignoring the last sentence.

“Your internship supervisor.” Yugyeom answers. “Jinyoung is a literature student, completely untrained to deal with situations like this. So we thought that sending an additional person, someone who’s not directly involved with the police, but still somewhat related to you would help to talk Jaebum into cooperating, but it all fell through.”

Mark has a hard time wrapping his brain around this, trying to count how many people were working behind his stupid and oblivious back, so blind that he didn’t notice what was happening right in front of his nose.

“So… When we had those conversations about this whole tracking thing…”

“It was a disguise to get you and Youngjae back to the office in hopes that one of you will crack and tell us everything. I thought Youngjae at least knew why he did what he did, but his only reason was _‘Hyung asked me to’_ ”. Yugyeom sighs. “As I told, we knew about the tracking almost as soon as it happened, but we wanted to give you a push and make you tell everything yourself, so you wouldn’t get scared and refuse to work with us. But you decided to be a stubborn asshole, telling you have nothing to with it, and we had to let you go, hoping you’ll get back to Jaebum somehow.”

And Mark truly did get back to the younger – just not in the circumstances he wanted to.

“Ironically enough, we hit the jackpot – even if that jackpot was a few millimeters away from doing something extremely stupid. He spilled everything we were seeking for for more than three months in about an hour.” Yugyeom sighs and Mark frowns, not understanding how they were able to listen to the conversation. But the guy soon speaks again, clearing all the confusion. “Before you ran out of the flat this evening, Jinyoung managed to slip a bug into your jeans.”

Mark doesn’t remember Jinyoung being in a touching distance that evening at all, but probably he was just too scared to notice, and when his hand slides to the back pocket of his jeans, he feels it. There it is – small, barely noticeable, but undoubtedly a voice transmitter, quite a powerful one.

He doesn’t really know why, maybe to make a statement of some sorts or just to relieve himself from the despair and anger, Mark clenches his fist so hard, he hears the plastic cracking, small metal parts cutting into his skin; he probably just wasted hundreds of thousands of wons the police station paid for this, but Yugyeom doesn’t even bat an eyelash.

“We could’ve simply disconnected it from the system, but you can have it your way, I guess.” He notes, rubbing his tired eyes. “We’ll take care of all those tapping devices in your flat tonight too, but that’s the whole story. It might be too much to digest at once and we’re terribly sorry for putting you through all this, but we really had no other choice. You have no idea how huge this case and this whole organization is. Right now,” Yugyeom checks his phone, which was constantly buzzing almost all the time, “We have more than thirty people arrested.”

“What’s going to happen to Jaebum?” That’s all that Mark wants to know.

“We’ll try to get him out of this unharmed, but it will be possible only if he agrees to witness against all these people.” Yugyeom says. “He’s way too involved to be completely unpunished. For a clearer view, imagine that this whole scheme was divided into three grades. The lowest, third grade, which was all the other escorts; the second, more privileged workers who slept only with very important and rich clients and the first grade – clients and all the other people who organized this thing. Jaebum got caught in between the first and the second one. He could easily be charged with human trafficking if the judges confirm his words that he was in charge of what person goes to what client being true.”

Mark tries to swallow, but it feels like his throat suddenly became too dry to even move his tongue. “And if he does witness?”

“We’ll get him a nice big bunch of security guards and we might be able to play the victim card, getting all the charges turned only into prostitution ones. But first, he needs to witness.” Yugyeom puts his phone down, face somehow apologetic. “He’s here in the interrogation room on the other end of the corridor, but apparently, he refuses to open his mouth.”

 

Jaebum expects to feel angry, he would _like_ to be angry; to have his rage fits back and turn this entire room to dust, instead of being trapped here with an old policeman, who’s waiting for him to speak so he could write a report, temporarily put him in a jail cell and go home to sleep. But instead of all that, instead of anger, Jaebum feels only… emptiness.

It’s not the same emptiness he always feels when he’s with one of his clients though – that one usually only makes him sick and disgusted of himself and everyone around him. Now it just feels like something, or a certain someone, would’ve ripped a part of his heart out, tossing it into the river he was supposed to jump into anyway.

“Listen, we could be done here faster if you just opened your fucking mouth.” The policeman raises his voice, losing his patience and Jaebum thinks that he might be really fucked up mentally, because he starts _laughing_ at that.

It’s almost exact same words his sugar daddy told him when they first slept together. For some reason, he doesn’t even know what that reason was anymore, Jaebum used to think about blowjobs like about something sacred – something that was supposed to be saved only for that one special person he still dreamt of meeting back then. It was a weird belief, and it didn’t take long to be convinced otherwise.

Slowly, a thought after thought, Jaebum came to face the memory of him kissing Mark for the first time - quite fitting anyway, if he’s thinking about all the first times of his life.

He’s not even sure when it happened, or where, probably on that stupid bridge that now got associated with nothing but tragic memories. Jaebum always thought that kisses don’t affect him that much anymore – he was kissing someone new almost every night and it didn’t mean shit, but Mark… Mark was different, his lips were different.

The kisses felt alive and not stiff and it made Jaebum’s heart race in ways he never thought it could; and he thought he should give this a chance – in the end of the day, even if his soul was destroyed completely, there always was Mark’s warm and loving embrace to crash into; Mark would always take the imaginary glue and put the pieces of Jaebum together. And even if the cracks were still evident if you looked closely, Jaebum thought it’s okay – because Mark told that he loves him even in a state like this.

But then it turned out that he is nothing but a snitch, a very talented actor, and all of this was fake. Even if it ended Jaebum’s suffering in one way, it just opened new possibilities for another torture, one that ran through his veins like a short circuit, making Jaebum wish that he could just close his eyes, let out a deep breath and never wake up again.

So he remains silent.

 

“What will happen to me and Youngjae?” Mark finally asks, remembering that he’s also involved in this mess, after it takes five good minutes and a whole lot of both Jinyoung and Yugyeom’s efforts to keep him in the chair so he wouldn’t search for Jaebum. It’s not the right time, they said, and his internship supervisor repeated the same, walking into the room after Yugyeom called him.

“We will pull out some old nonexistent court order for Youngjae to cover his ass if needed, and you… You helped a lot with the investigation, even if it happened without you knowing.” The supervisor says. “So I think you’ll be able to get out of this mess only by repeating your course in university next year. No actual punishment, just some disciplinary measures - you need to understand that a tiny bit more and we could’ve accused you of hiding a crime as well.”

Mark keeps silent, letting it sink in that he’s not graduating this year and he almost starts laughing, because all of this – internship, studies, _nothing_ matters right now. Jaebum probably hates him to death and he deserves that, because no matter how you think about it – it all happened because of Mark. If he wouldn’t have played a detective that evening when Jaebum left for work for the first time after they made dinner together, none of this would’ve happened. They wouldn’t have been tapped, police wouldn’t have known.

But at the same time the consequences of this possibility seem too frightening and Mark feels just so, so tired and confused.

“I know you don’t know much about this, only what Jaebum has told you.” The supervisor continues. “But I still want to ask you to witness, unofficially, we won’t drag you to court. Anything you say might help that guy, however, I should warn you, it might also make things worse. Depends on the judge and how you will form your sentences.”

“If you don’t want to, we probably can work without it.” Yugyeom says finishing typing something into his laptop, as if feeling that it isn’t a great idea to put this kind of decision on Mark’s shoulders in this situation. He turns to the supervisor saying, “I’m leaving the file open here if anything, but so far it’s the only draft of the case we have, so be careful of crashes or something, we planned to make copies only when it’s all put in one file. Mark, we don’t ask you to make a decision right now, but just think about it. Though, we do need your answer soon, in a few days if possible.”

Mark nods. “Can I… Can you leave me alone here for a while? I need to clear my head a bit.”

“Sure.” They all – the supervisor, Yugyeom and Jinyoung leave him alone in the room, his flatmate telling that he’ll be waiting in the lobby so they could go home, but that doesn’t really help.

Mark’s head feels heavy and full of thoughts, buzzing in his head and slowly, but eventually forming into one huge, but somewhat coherent conclusion – he’s at fault that Jaebum hates him and there’s no way the younger would want to see him ever again.

But then again, if that’s needed in order for Jaebum to be saved from all those freaks that were doing such shit to him, that’s okay. It might take a while for Mark to heal from a heartbreak, but Jaebum is all that matters and he would do everything to protect him. Even the most stupid things.

It takes a while before Mark finds it in himself to stand up from his seat, ready to go home to sleep a bit, at least to try to. His gaze slides around the cold and even scary room, with only one lamp working, creating shadows where they aren’t supposed to be, then he notices the laptop and the almost full soda can Yugyeom left; then he just sighs.

Five minutes later, he closes the door behind himself, breathing the cold air of the corridor. There are a few people there, a policeman and a man with a woman waiting for someone. Mark thinks he can find some familiar features in their faces and he’s not wrong – a few moments later Jaebum is released from his interrogation and falls into arms of his mother. He’s crying, for the first time in years not hiding it, and for a while his and Mark’s stares meet, as the younger is now hugging his father, but Jaebum doesn’t show any signs of knowing him, quickly turning his watery eyes away.

Maybe it’s indeed for the better, Mark thinks, walking down the stairs instead of taking an elevator to the first floor. His steps echo in the silence of the staircase and the silence is familiar, almost exactly the same one he left in the interrogation room, except that there’s one more sound in that room now.

A silent sound of a liquid spilling on the keyboard of the laptop, ruining the entire device and everything that is inside it; the sweet strawberry stickiness slowly pooling up and dripping on the floor.

In the end, nobody should be surprised – they always told that Mark is a little clumsy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're finally so near the end, lord save us all, it's gonna be done this week. saturday if my exam on friday won't kill me, sunday if it does. 
> 
> all i have to say abt this chapter is: 1. idk how i have the guts to mess with all of them like this 2. oh mark  
> anyway, less talks more sleep, i hope you liked the chapter and as always, comments are very welcomed, see y'all pretty soon!


	16. Chapter 16

_Three years later_

 

“This way, police can improve public satisfaction to the extent that community members perceive the police to be seriously addressing these order maintenance problems.” Mark clears his throat, feeling it getting dry from speaking; but at least his knees stop shaking, because it’s the last sentence he’s supposed to get out of his mouth for this presentation. “Increasingly, the real challenge for the police is to find ways to engage in aggressive order maintenance activities while not jeopardizing the quality of interactions they have with members of those communities.”

A few more questions follow after he stops. and it feels like someone would’ve erased everything he has ever learned from his mind, even though he’s the one who wrote this paper (well, with some minor help to get rid of typos and messy sentences from Jinyoung). Then he’s told that he’ll receive the final grade in a few days, he turns off the presentation of his masters thesis, gets out of the classroom leaving a bunch of professors behind and sighs, leaning against the nearest wall.

It’s pretty safe to say that he just graduated.

Slowly, one by one, memories of these past years start flashing in front of his eyes, quite a usual thing to happen when you’re done with yet another period of your life; and those three years that followed were a whole lot – especially the first months after the prostitution scandal that shocked the entire country was dragged to public.

Mark never knew what was happening exactly – after his little stunt with the soda can, police made sure he wouldn’t get access even to a vending machine of the first floor. Nobody was convinced that a can of a drink, which wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place, spilled on its own. Mark was aware that everyone else knew what happened, and they knew that Mark knows, but there was absolutely no proof, just lucky guesses that meant nothing in court.

Luckily, Yugyeom wasn’t _that_ dumb to really have only one copy of all the evidence, probably it was just a bluff in front of Mark to provoke him; unfortunately – the laptop contained most of the recordings of Jaebum’s confession on the bridge, it took a few very skilled specialists to restore bits of data here and there, but it wasn’t full.

So after that, all Mark was able to get a hold on were these never ending police statements broadcasted via all the possible TV stations; revealing a few new names every report, making people disgusted and terrified to learn what is really happening behind the closed doors and perfect facades of powerful people. There were even some small protests throughout the country asking to get rid of the current government officials, people convinced that everyone there is corrupted as well, but there was one name, ironically the one Mark wanted to hear the most, which was never mentioned.

Even though quite a few escorts were mentioned, names thrown to the public to comment on, Im Jaebum never surfaced in the news, nobody knew about his involvement. All the culprits were imprisoned one by one as the time passed, but there still were no reports on the twenty-two year old and Mark could only sigh, feverishly shuffling through either the pages of newspapers whenever an article would pop up, or TV channels when it was time for evening news.

Mark himself… He was coping with everything that was happening around in his own special way, rather destructive one, if someone asked Jinyoung, who felt slightly guilty about that. But the elder was a grown up adult and nothing he did was illegal, so all they could do was to wait for Mark to calm down.

He let loose, softly speaking – you could constantly find him at parties where alcohol would be pouring freely; Jinyoung has heard about Mark sleeping around a lot, countless one night stands was what he became notorious for; bed adventures that never turned into something serious, because Mark would always run away the next morning as if he was searching for something; as if he was trying people out to see if they fit the gaping hole that Jaebum left in his soul.

But nobody fit, people came and went away, and as the time went by, Mark finally felt like he’s calming down, like he doesn’t want to scream his lungs out anymore. The yearly health check for university, from which he wasn’t expelled completely thanks to whatever miracle, told him that apparently he has an emotional trauma and after some convincing he agreed that he needed help, a professional kick in the ass in order not to hit the rock bottom.

First year was terrible – Mark often found himself crying, dreaming nightmares of Jaebum jumping down from the railing that night; nightmares of Jaebum working, and he tried to drown everything by the meds his therapist prescribed him, the ones that would turn his brain into soft mush and allow him to sleep more than an hour a day.

He felt slightly better during the second year, it didn’t hurt that much anymore and the terrifying dreams were less and less frequent, mostly triggered by news that were still being published from time to time. His soul still ached for Jaebum and yearned to see the younger, to talk to him and explain everything, but it wasn’t possible. He knew that and was slowly coming to terms with it.

The third year, the period that is almost done now, were just _dull_. Mark lived through it like a lifeless shell, his boring life spinning only around books and research papers as he was finishing his last year pursuing a masters degree in criminology, internships and small cases in a police station, this time in a different district than the last one.

The only things that still remind him of Jaebum now are that one book about a boy and a princess the younger left in Mark’s apartment ages ago, about the hardships they experienced before returning to each other’s embrace; and the art project the younger was working on before the mayhem. It’s all completed by now, someone took it to their hands to finish Jaebum’s idea and the lobby of Mark’s faculty looks warm in those soft pastel colors on the walls, with a bulletin board in the middle of the front one, by now crowded with polaroids and sticky notes. Mark finds himself unconsciously heading there whenever he finds it difficult to breathe again, lean fingers caressing the wooden frame of the board as if would hold bits of his past lover.

Usually, Mark avoids every other possible relation to Jaebum that the world seems to be full of – he grew to hate chewing gum and couldn’t bear walking on any kind of bridges anymore – but that day, feeling drained by all the presentations, he decides that it’s okay to go grab some coffee from a café nearby; the same one where he and Jaebum had their talk before all the shit went down.

It’s been three long years that Mark counted second by second, he’s bound to let some things go, and it’s just a cup of coffee – at least that’s what he’s trying to convince himself with, feeling a bit afraid for some reason.

Nothing has changed there – the menu is the same, maybe the prices are a bit bigger than he remembers them being, the interior is the same as well, even all the cashiers and baristas haven’t changed at all, as if the place was stuck in time, and Mark isn’t sure whether it’s a good thing or not.

He orders his usual Americano and settles at some random table, not really picky about where to sit. There are a few customers here and there, some couples having their cozy dates and whispering sweet nothings to each other while drinking coffee, a few students working on their presentations or whatever other homework they have as the semester is nearing the end; and Mark finds himself staring at a back of some guy, who’s impatiently tapping something on his laptop.

It’s not like he knows the guy or something like that – he’s just looking anywhere, not focusing on anything, mind far far away, focused on his own little thoughts. But call it cliché, because probably that’s what Mark’s entire life is – one big tragic cliché – the guy stands up and comes to the counter, asking for another cup of latte.

At first, Mark blinks in confusion a few times, as if to make sure that the stranger won’t poof into the air once he closes his eyes, but the guy doesn’t remind Jaebum that much – red hair he saw three years ago are now back to their natural dark brown, he’s obviously lost some weight. But the way he gives a half-smile to the cashier after she takes his order; the polite nod after being told that he’ll get his coffee after a few minutes; the careless way of leaning back on his chair and the way he’s tapping a pencil on his temple, hoping for some inspiration to come – in other words, every tiny detail Mark came to memorize earlier and thought he has already forgotten – they’re all the same.

Mark feels slightly out of breath, because he doesn’t know what to do, not sure whether he should approach Jaebum, greet him and ask how he’s been doing. Or maybe, he thinks, maybe he should do the exact opposite and not say anything at all, leaving everything to the past as a very painful but still somehow precious memory that could’ve cost everything they had, even their lives.

He gets so burdened by his thoughts, overthinking every little detail, he doesn’t even realize that Jaebum is now looking at him; the barista who brings the younger his coffee making him turn around a bit and face the elder.

Jaebum stops in the middle of the sentence as he’s saying something to the girl, for a while he doesn’t even blink it seems, eyes scanning Mark’s face like an X-ray. But then he simply turns away without showing any signs that he even acknowledges other’s presence, finishing his hot drink in what seems seconds, then stuffs his belongings into a backpack that’s resting on a chair next him. Few moments later he’s gone, leaving an empty cup and a few wrinkled paper tissues on the table to witness that Mark isn’t hallucinating.

Suddenly, the coffee Mark is drinking becomes too bitter and hot, making him feel sick and shiver with every sip, but somewhere deep inside, where his brain is still repeating the way Jaebum’s eyes looked at him a few minutes ago, he knows that it’s not because of the drink. It’s because during all those years nothing has changed – Jaebum still hates Mark for betraying him.

It takes a few more minutes for him to decide that he wants to go home, to curl on his bed hugging his pillow, the same one that still had Jaebum’s scent ridiculously etched into it like someone would be spraying the latter’s perfume on it all this time. Jinyoung probably wouldn’t approve, constantly nagging that Mark has to move on and _live,_ but he’s probably not going to be home to see that anyway – he’s been spending more and more time at Yugyeom’s place these days.

However, when he finally finds it in himself to stand up and leave, knees shaking more than it did an hour ago during his presentation, Mark learns that the same familiar figure is standing outside the café in the smoking area. There’s a cigarette burning between Jaebum’s fingers, most probably not the first one during these past minutes, judging from a couple of cigarette butts on the ground next to him, and it feels like he’s waiting for someone. 

“Took you long enough.” Jaebum confirms this hypothesis, and Mark can’t really understand what kind of emotion the younger’s voice is trying to convey; it sounds distant, but still very familiar, however, without any usual warmth that used to be so evident whenever he used to speak with, or about, Mark.

“You’re waiting for me?” Mark asks, stuttering in the middle of the question like a complete dumbass. And that’s how he feels, honestly – suddenly he doesn’t know how to breathe and act around the younger, feeling something very heavy in his chest and sticky in his throat, a lump that is determined to mess with the way he forms words.

Jaebum doesn’t respond for a while, he takes his time to observe the features of a man he hasn’t seen for so long. “You changed a lot.” That’s all he says, not responding to the question, finally looking straight into Mark’s eyes. “Three years is indeed a long time.”

“Yeah… I guess, I did.” Mark’s voice trails off, unsure of that to say. He wants to say a lot, he wants to spill all the questions to Jaebum, but unexpectedly he feels awkward, with too many unresolved problems becoming a wall between them, not allowing to talk properly. “So did you.”

“Two years in prison are bound to change a person.” Jaebum chuckles, but the laugh sounds cold as he puts the cigarette between his lips and for a while Mark gets distracted by grey smokes and artificial cherry scent that temporarily surrounds them.

He doesn’t know what to say, but hey, isn’t that a situation he’s already used to, absent-mindedly repeating only, “In prison?”

Jaebum nonchalantly shrugs as if to confirm that he’s not messing with the elder, but Mark sees right through his calm appearance – he knows how to read Jaebum’s eyes way too well, immediately noticing any kind of shadows, and that’s exactly what he sees now. Even though Jaebum is sarcastically smiling, his eyes are dark from the past ghosts that are haunting him. But then he adds, “Well, a year and a half, they released me earlier because in the end I agreed to witness and was a good boy throughout my punishment.”

“I’m sorry.” That’s all Mark can tell at the moment. His words are genuine, even if he doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for. Somewhere at the back of his head, a voice, so similar to Jinyoung and everyone else’s, repeats him that nothing was his fault, but for some reason, he still thinks that it partly was.

Jaebum seems like he doesn’t see the point in this apology either, throwing the cigarette away. “What for?”

“I don’t know.” Mark admits closing his eyes, letting the words escape his mouth carelessly and uncontrollably, without any filters. “For everything, I guess.”

Jaebum sighs. “I guess I could be pissed off about what happened to me, about all these months in prison, but…” He makes a pause as if it’s hard to find the right words. “I’m not dumb, Mark. Well, I am, because if I wasn’t, none of this would’ve happened. Look, I know that it’s not your fault that I got caught, it’s not _anyone’s_ fault. You wanted the best for me, and I should be thanking you, if anything.” Suddenly, he giggles, amused by himself. “Look how mature that sounds. A year back you could’ve tortured me and I still wouldn’t have said any of this.”

Mark also slightly smiles, a bit against his will, because he doesn’t feel like the meeting is happy enough to smile. “How are you?”

Jaebum has to think for a while before making a final answer, thinking how much he can say right now, but soon he decides to be honest. “Police left me alone after they got all the names they wanted, after getting out of the jail I returned to finish my studies, so I guess, all is well. Only nightmares are not. I’m pretty fucked up.”

“What are you dreaming about?”

“Drowning.” Jaebum says, looking away. “I constantly dream about jumping off that bridge and drowning. And you... I dream of you watching and being unable to do anything. You know, there was a time when I really hated you for that.”

Mark doesn’t respond to that at all, only closes his eyes even tighter as if that could block Jaebum’s words, the ones he doesn’t want to hear, but the younger continues anyway. “I guess the fact that you were the only person whom I opened up to about all this before getting arrested messed me up a bit.” He puts his hand on Mark’s arm when the latter wants to interrupt. The touch somehow burns, the unexpected proximity feeling nothing even close to what Mark has imagined. “I knew, I damn knew that there was no way for you to know that we were tapped, I’ve run from police a few times too many not to know how these motherfuckers work. But yet it was easy to be angry at you, at everyone else. Maybe it made me think that I wasn’t that much of a fuckup. Such a weird thing to think about in a jail cell, isn’t it?”

“You’re not a fuckup.” Mark immediately says, but the younger only sadly smiles at his words.

“How am I not? I’m a twenty-five year old former prostitute with a criminal record, who’s struggling to finish his third year in university, because I had to repeat the course two times. I moved to live in a dormitory because I couldn’t pay for the flat myself, I have nothing, I can’t even face my own parents after all that happened. I’m just… Ashamed of myself.”

Jaebum puts his hand in a pocket of his jacket, trying to fish out yet another cigarette, probably the fourth or fifth one during all this time he’s standing there, and Mark doesn’t realize how naturally, as if out of habit, he reaches his hand out to take the cigarette, almost ripping it out of Jaebum’s lips, not planning on letting the younger to continue destroying his lungs.

“I left a book at your place.” The latter says.

“I know.” Mark conveniently stays silent about the fact that by now he knows all the contents of it by heart.

“It’s one of my favourites.” Jaebum says, not even knowing why he’s telling that. Probably just to keep the conversation going, afraid that if they’ll stop speaking Mark will turn around and disappear. “It reminds me that heroes and princesses can have their happy endings, even if ordinary people can’t.” _Even if we can’t_ remains unsaid, but lingering in the air around.

Mark lifts his eyes at him. “You think it’s not possible to have a happy ending in real life?”

“It just…” Jaebum shakes his head. “It wouldn’t make sense. We can’t just get a happy ending three years later just like that, as if it’s that easy. It doesn’t happen like that in real life. People like us, people like _me_ , we don’t deserve happy endings.”

“Everyone deserves something happy, each in their own ways. You do, too.”

However, Jaebum only laughs at that and for a second it sounds like the same genuine, natural laugh he used to amuse Mark with. “I seems like you still don’t get it, even after all this time. It’s not about _me_ , it never was. I ruined too many people to be happy. Those people in—“ He makes a small pause before bringing the topic up again. “In training, my parents, my friends. You. Knowing how many lives I messed up, you’d think I should suffer at least three lifetimes, not three years.”

“There’s a second chance for everyone, you just need to man up and take it.” Mark stubbornly tells, not wanting hear anything about more suffering.

“And what’s that second chance for me, Mark?” Jaebum asks, but there’s a soft understanding smile on his lips, like a parent’s whose child would be spitting out cute nonsense. “Barely graduating with a major that doesn’t hire former criminals and working part time jobs to keep myself alive, hoping that my parents would allow me to live with them? Alone, with no one to talk to? I’ll take it, that’s all I deserve anyway, but not anything more.”

It takes Mark a while, not even a few moments, but long minutes of thinking; but maybe he’s thought about it for a while even before meeting Jaebum; maybe it’s been spinning in his head ever since the first time he imagined them meeting again. The only natural conclusion, because after all these years and everything that happened, Mark is still willing to push through the circumstances they’re given.

“Your second chance… Well, you’re going to move out of the dorm and move in with me, and we’ll start over from scratch. I’ll start working now that I graduated, you’ll finish your studies and we’ll just… live. It’s probably not going to be all cotton candy and happiness at times, and maybe we’ll hate each other and regret doing this, but that’s what people do – they regret, they fight and they try again, until they succeed.”

“For a person who used to suck at deciding pizza toppings, you’re harboring a lot of solid adult plans.” Jaebum mumbles trying to sound humorous, but he looks lost, scared and out of place. He didn’t expect Mark wanting to look at his side ever again, knowing how many arms touched his body throughout the years and what he himself has done, so this offer seems more than unexpected, making him fight back and push it away with all the possible words. “And your flat is barely enough for two people. I don’t think Jinyoung will want to see me again and even if he does, he probably won’t enjoy seeing me sleeping somewhere on the floor in the kitchen.”

“Jinyoung these days returns home so rarely and for such short periods of time, he probably wouldn’t notice even if you slept in his bed.” Mark says, and he sounds completely serious. “And you’re not going to do that. I don’t know if you remember, but I have a double bed in my room.”

They stay quiet for a while, both of theirs lips blue from the biting December cold, but a few moments later Jaebum’s hand shyly, but still having some certain confidence to it find its way to Mark’s palm. It feels comfortable and familiar, as if it’s the place where his hand belongs and belonged all this time; as if those years during which they were separated don’t exist anymore.

They don’t hug, they don’t kiss, they don’t even _look_ at each other that moment, but it’s enough; more than they could ever ask.

 

Jaebum indeed does move in with Mark after a few weeks of vigorous convincing.

(At first Jinyoung mumbles that it’s probably because Jaebum wants to have a place to live where he wouldn’t need to hide his cat in a closet whenever there’s a room inspection in the dorm; but actually, he’s happy for both of them.)

Mark starts working, being hired as a junior criminalist assistant, Jaebum finishes his studies. They do hate each other from time to time, they do get into silly arguments here and there, because Jaebum can’t stand Mark’s habit of leaving his dirty socks everywhere and the latter doesn’t understand why Jaebum wants to make everything sterile like in a hospital – but they survive it.

Two more years later, when he’s twenty-eight and Jaebum’s twenty-seven, Mark musters up all his courage to casually mention marriage one morning when Jaebum is late to a meeting with some investor of his photography gallery that he’s planning to open. The younger chokes on his coffee, ruining his shirt and Mark tries to brush it off as a joke, but Jaebum knows that it’s not; and even though he still feels kind of afraid to tie another person to himself, at the same time he feels at ease, that’s how things _were supposed to go_.

Because you can be the chewing gum type one, as Mark slurs one night, drunk out of his mind after Jinyoung’s birthday, breathing into Jaebum’s neck as the latter is dragging him to their room to sleep and sober up; you can be chewed until the flavor is gone and then someone will spit you out.

But there’s another type, according to his drunken thoughts. The one that sticks to you and you can’t get rid of it even if you want to. So you either cut it out from your hair or clothes, or whatever, but it hurts and you feel sad about it, or you just stick with it. And Mark promises to be exactly that.

And even though Jaebum curses when they lose balance and fall backwards on their bed, Mark on top of him and already asleep, he starts laughing pretty soon, knowing that he wouldn’t change a thing.

Because the best love is unexpected; you don’t simply pick someone and hope it works out – this is different. You meet by fate, even if it’s a speed dating event, even if one of them is a prostitute doing broadcasts for his anger issues and the other one is a police intern, and it’s an instant connection. The chemistry between you is way above your heads and you just talk, and notice the way their lips curve when they smile, or the color of their eyes when sun is shining right into them, and all at once you know you’re both lucky and gone at the same time.

And both Jaebum and Mark are so, so gone for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we. have. a. happy. ending !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> okay, before i become a weeping mess, because i still can't believe it's over, a few sappy words.
> 
> i'm so so so grateful for everyone who stuck with this fic for three long months, i know that the angst was a bit more intense at some parts than i've initially intended; but you all still went with it and wrote comments and pressed kudos, and i'm just so :') about that, because this fic was one big experiment to see where can i take my writing.  
> as we're talking about experiments, actually, let me tell you a secret, it was supposed to be a jjp fic. i went with markbum the last second, literally changing things a few hrs before posting, and honestly, it probably was the best decision i made while writing this. 
> 
> so okay, enough being sappy, thank you all one more time, if you want to scream at/with me or something hmu @paradisebbom on twitter and i hope you liked the ending, comments are always welcomed and take care  
> <3
> 
> tags hate me for some reason and refuse to display themselves in order, sigh.


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